Today that would be 1.5 billion times……….
Yesterday was far easier. Mood and energy much more light and helpful.
I am purely fed the fuch up today.
For months – M O N T H S – I have been on social media looking for a REAL PURE BRIGHT LIGHT friend for my girl. Someone who is close to her age (tween) – someone who is into barbies, crafts – you know – the traditional girl things – AND who is reliable, sensitive AND most especially will not just sit back and essentially make my girl do all of the reaching out/friendship building. My girl is really burned out from that.
Do these kids exist??? Are there kids who reach out on their own when they meet a new friend?? And are they all into vampires, unbelievably violent online games, multiple pronoun usage and other forms of “their” world?
I recently made yet another attempt and got a cr@pload of useless and at this point, insulting advice – including the usual “pray”. And most surprisingly to me, more than one dolt even told me to tell my girl to pray and HOW TO DO IT.
Can you say mama wants to reach across this keyboard and smack the stewpid out of some people now?
Y E S SHE DOES.
Can I be MORE SPECIFIC? Yes or no – DO YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER or KNOW SOMEONE WHO MEETS THE CRITERIA I put out? Yes – d/m me. No? Scroll on.
Lazy religious pretentious types can go stick it. It is SOOOOOOOO easy to stand or stand on your little religious pedestal and tell someone who is reaching out for help and BEING SPECIFIC ABOUT IT – and totally ignore all of that and just say “pray”. How easy it is to offer useless advice like that. It makes it easy to then go back to ones own little bubble while telling themselves “well I’ve done my part to bring another Soul to Jesus Christ”.
I have such disdain for religion and those who think prayer works for everyone and is the only answer.
Why the FUCH do you think there are so many of us here? Aren’t we supposed to HELP ONE ANOTHER? I’m fine if someone doesn’t have an answer I seek. Just don’t be an asshat and give me advice when I have clearly stated WHAT I SEEK and WHY.
I wonder if I will ever find what I seek.
I especially wonder the same for my girl.
Few understand what we deal with – especially w/the shedding stuff.
Most don’t understand what I deal with every few days w/my spouse’s health issues (some issues have become clearly cyclic). Want to know what it’s like to have someone say they feel they are dying but then tell you not to take them to the hospital then when you ask what do you need what can I do be told “nothing” – only to REPEAT THE SAME NARRATIVE A FEW DAYS LATER?
That is what I deal with here. (not to mention what he goes through – something i honestly can’t take in anymore – i have become numb – probably for mental protection)
Plus we’re surrounded by people who partook as I’ve shared many times – which makes it even more limiting of an experience. And I’ve shared many times how I long to be around others like us – and am open to moving – but also need help in doing that. And at this point with my level of mental exhaustion, I need more help in such an endeavor – certainly more than I did 2 years ago.
It’s all enough to make me feel like I am truly losing my mind.
So tonight, I feel alone. Depleted. Mentally – I am unable to hold much in the way of thoughts for long. I’ve become very forgetful – lose my “train of thought” often. It was hard enough before the covid and vax narrative played out. Now it is, honestly, intolerable. I’ve just been good at faking it – but my ability to do that is quickly waning. I can only pick myself up alone here for so long before I collapse and stay there. I see my girl finding more connection on a fake game platform – and unless I can actually CREATE something f’ing tangible, find a friend for her – best if in person and must be unvaxxed (w/the cv poison) – I am afraid she will shut down and come to hold more faith in what is otherwise “fake” than what is real: human to human contact. And I can’t say as though I could fault her for that for there seem to be very few real humans around – at least not very many who would walk 1000 miles to help out my girl and this family.
That’s all I have for tonight.
Love,
Victoria
