oh there’s always a story – not all is seen. i am feeling lower and more depleted than ever – to the point of i just want to sleep. everything i’ve been doing – working so diligently at – pretty much alone – isn’t working. i keep saying for us to get through this we have to do it together. and right now though – i don’t have any extra to give to anyone – not even my own child some days. i can’t even type those words without crying.
i don’t know what to do anymore – what to think or do or try. complex ptsd – no one sees it or if they do, they don’t stick around long. the level of abandonment i am feeling is overwhelming me. and i find out the woman i am working with to heal is going to be gone for a month. i know – it’s just a few weeks – she’ll be back. but i just found her this year. and it’s like just as i am starting to get somewhere, this shit pit puts a stick in my way and i’m tired of fighting back against what i’ve been fighting back against my whole life. unseen war. those who get it do – those who don’t – can’t. i don’t bother explaining.
the advice – the well-meaning words – they don’t work. unless someone gets ptsd – really gets it. little band aids on a festering wound.
but on i go because i have no other choice (that is acceptable). i ask for simple things – but that feels at times like i’m asking for the impossible or am some sort of a major imposition for asking for what i really see as simple. if enough people would have shared my work – just shared it – just written up a little statement and shared it – i could have been in a different experience by now. (thank you to those who do, btw)
maybe life will prove me wrong on this. i hope so. if you get it – what i’m saying – don’t you just want to scream at others to STFU and LISTEN to what you say you are needing?
yes – me too. i am there. i get it’s up to me to pick myself up – i do – that’s just gotten harder is all.
that’s all for now.
love,
v.
Oh V, my heart is breaking for you right now. I know words aren ‘t enough but truly I believe a solution is coming your way; I just don’t know when. Take care of yourself and keep pushing thru because there are a lot of us I’m sure who need what you do. Today’s post was kick ass. I have it up in a window because I want to watch the videos. We love you girl.
thank you my friend. 🙏💖🥰💜 your words do bring me comfort.