that’s a convo i would start or join in on…………
Today I am REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY struggling when I see ANYTHING that is not full. throttle. T R U T H. So when it’s either a lie or a puzzle piece of the whole – I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.
I slept last night – far better than I have in days – perhaps weeks.
But I feel even more tired.
Just want to go Home.
GO. Just want to G O.
That’s all.
EVERYTHING else now – E V E R Y T H I N G – a distraction.
Every day – I get through it – until I can get into this Captain’s Chair here in front of the laptop and look for clues and signs that Home is upon me.
I know not everyone resonates with that. I know some cannot fathom the idea of a new body or leaving this place. They want to stay here and rebuild. And I know I have really pushed joining in together – rebuilding the New here now with others. But when I am absolutely honest with me, while I may have brief moments of energy to DO just that NOW….. Where I am now? Overall? As in most moments now? I don’t have that energy in me anymore. At all. Not. Even. Close.
And I have tried. I have resisted it.
And……Oh how I have tried to convince myself of something different than what I have felt and known for my entire experience this time around. I want. to. go. Home.
And even IF New were to be rebuilt HERE – I will need a whole restored ME in order to do that. Not gonna pretend anymore. This spiritual war with the invisible enemy has taken a life long toll on me. Big. Time.
I lament a lot about moving. The idea of packing a box – see above. SAME FEEEEEEEEEEEEEL. It would have to be ez and at this point – done for me. I am in need of serious hand holding and E Z.
I want EZ.
T L C.
If I want to travel – I want to teleport or fly in my own craft. I have travel issues and I saw clearly today how it isn’t about WHERE. I can BE anyplace new – talk with people – no problem. But GETTING to that new when it involves being jammed inside some damn crowded tube or on a stinky bus or confined space inside a car for hours or days?
AIN’T HAPPENING.
Nope.
Just N O P E.
At least not sober. lolol
I drove around today alone – just drove. And drove. And drove.
I’ve pretty much seen it all here.
So many people out.
I felt more lonely than ever.
Could not tune in or feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel anything real.
Sometimes I would grimace – even close my eyes – look away for there are just some things I absolutely cannot. look. at. anymore.
I made chocolate tonight. Been awhile since I did that. I LOVE my chocolate. I don’t even mind prepping it. But the clean up? UGH! I began doing that – but stopped and said “fuch it” and left the measuring cups and spoons and pot in the sink.
Another “cannot. do. anymore.” (and completely out of character for me as well)
Energetically.
As I said – in all pure honesty – most of the time now – my days are moments I get through until I can plant myself here – alone – without having to be responsible for or tend to anyone else or anything else – so I can look for clues that “Yes Victoria, you really are returning to where You belong and here are more markers for that. KEEP GOING.”
Crazy?
Perhaps.
But it’s MY crazy.
On the menu for tonight after my captain chair fun – Back to the Future movie with my girl. We both had a nudge to watch it this week – which I didn’t know she had until earlier tonight when she mentioned it to me. We have been playing cards a lot lately (just like that KABOOM dream I had uh when was that – was that this year or last fall?! lol) anyway……tonight before dinner she wanted to play again so we did. Lots of diamond cards drawn by us tonight – and that 10 of diamonds is coming up a lot now.
Those of you for whom are my choir in which I “preach” to – those of you who GET IT – THANK YOU from the depths of my Heart and Soul!
Here’s what I’m seeing.
Love,
V.
******
Trending on twitter atm:
still on the outside of this place………….and this place is so toxic and poisoned now………we must get out and the ship. must. sink.
Fuching BRING IT ALREADY:
Can we trust them?
https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2023/04/breaking-texas-governor-greg-abbott-to-pardon-sgt-daniel-perry/
Derek Johnson breaks down CIC Trump’s Maralago Speech on April 4, 2023
A lot of great Comms in this speech. This “indictment” isn’t what most of the world thinks it is… as anything else. Have fun with this Operation… You’re living through the most Biblical, Historica
https://rumble.com/v2ge3l2-derek-johnson-breaks-down-cic-trumps-maralago-speech-on-april-4-2023.html
The Chinese military has completely encircled Taiwan. 71 Chinese military planes and nine ships crossed the Taiwan Strait median line. Taiwan is on high alert. https://t.co/yM3GmH4k1a
— @amuse (@amuse) April 9, 2023
looks like the actor to me………
BREAKING: UFC 287 crowd in Miami chants ‘USA, USA, USA’ after Trump makes surprise appearance pic.twitter.com/bwUPv7ksat
— Insider Paper (@TheInsiderPaper) April 9, 2023
the other side of the awakening…………real people struggling………..
JUST IN: Anheuser-Busch affiliate, whose primary sales is bud light says NO ONE IS BUYING THE PRODUCTS and when this happens he can’t feed his family..
“They DON’T KNOW their clientele… “Thanks, Anheuser-Busch.”
— Chuck Callesto (@ChuckCallesto) April 8, 2023
had the nuclear football the entire time – as he entered the timeline………which is why WWIII will never. be. on. the. returned. to. timeline………or whatever we are calling it now…………..
ok so i am seeing calendar stuff resetting and talk about new monies and digital currency crap while i am over here with there with the rest of you’s saying GET US OUT AND AWAY FROM ALL OF THAT!!!! O M G!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry just not really seeing anything in which i align. seeing info about real estate – most of the money moving in that area is due to cash only buys (LAND GRABS) by those who have been f’ing w/the entire market LONG ENOUGH. WHEN IS IT OUR TIME??!!!! TO DO AND BE AND LIVE WELL??!!!
They now have a DeLorean SuperCar………..
ok my feel on this car? NO THANK YOU. that is “their” lure to get us to stick around and enjoy a virtual AI experience. I’ll pass. Moving on…………..
Israel strikes Syria ‘in response to’ new rocket attacks: Israeli army – Insider Paper
This is a breaking news story.. check back for updates
https://insiderpaper.com/israel-strikes-syria-in-response-to-new-rocket-attacks-israeli-army/
BTW – the Bird is back on twitter. dog is gone. no answer either……….
this one was sent to me by a fellow traveller. i resisted watching at first – but decided to give it a go. happy i did. really resonating with the words on subconscious and trauma. i needed the validation/explanation. it explains, for me, my emotional processing i’ve been undergoing in recent months – and what i have seen in others with whom i am closest to. interesting commentary on the carrington event. makes sense. this is more than just a war on our DNA – it’s been a war for our consciousness. our very Souls. subconscious mind that operates outside of “time” remembers everything – so with each lifetime we don’t get out – this leaves behind trauma – which explains the huge sense of abandonment and bitterness many of us are feeling – esp. now (as we are awakening more – which awakening is not just about seeing where we are – it is more than just gaining new knowledge – it’s a very deep deep process – like coming out of a coma in a way??). interesting many of us are so focused on releasing our trauma – working with the vagus nerve – but the subconscious mind also needs to be included – methods that bypass the conscious mind. anyway – got chills with this one. interesting choice of flowers too – and how they are closed up then open up. the when we don’t know – but the why – i see – saving as many higher minds as possible. interesting she talks about the party at the end – minutes before i decided to watch this i was vacuuming – then suddenly stopped and paused and said I am NOT going to get old here – i REFUSE to age – i am a youngster who just wants to party. i’ve also been tuning in more naturally to remember my experience prior to the war – who i know outside and who i don’t remember. anyway – enjoy.
Wave and Flash Update 4-8-23
Schumann (which btw has not updated for about 6 hours)……….
this one captured at 3:51pm PST:
this one captured at 9:27pm PST:
******
Thanks for the updates! The Mar-A-Lago breakdown should be interesting…in a while when I have the chance to watch. The Bud Light ESG/BS–mktg faux pas is just typical corporate fuggery. The Chinese navy surrounding Taiwan, disturbing–but seemed inevitable IMHO. End of the world stuff? Doubt it–The CBDC fuggery is still the means to control the wee obedient hobbit folk. China disturbs moi from the vantage point that chi-com bots are serious re creating super-soldiers. Ok…so? If the reason for super-soldiers is in order to win battles with evil alien-ET’s, fine…but if it’s to cross the Canadian/Mexican border…obviously we are on our own.
The details re mRNA beef injection still disturbs…because, the LIES are so frequent that distrust is part of the New Normal. I am not at ease re this matter…nor the facts emerging re mRNA shedding! As for Long Beach port(my old home btw)…this fuggery is yet again the mechanism to control resource distribution and drive prices thru the roof— Once again–the economic warfare tactics of the Cabal. We will have to form stronger community bonds…and even though I tend to avoid the herd, I’ll have to speak my mind and piss people off more often. As for your mention of going “home”, I share a similar inner mantra–but my filter interprets this as: ‘I want out of the prison.’ The matrix-simulacrum seems like a prison cell to me.
Wow! I just saw it pop out at me! The little box at the top with the therapist–if you separate you get the rapist. While some may be good, a lot of others still manipulate the mind and I know some are actually used by the deep st for m k ult ra, etc. Raping the mind for their own agenda with propaganda is what the ca bal has been doing for decades (amongst other things as we all know).