7.3.23 ~ It’s tough being a human in this matrix some days….

 

And life ain’t no popularity contest.

Parents strive to find the balance between being a parent and a friend – sometimes the two don’t mix – ultimately you be the parent at the end of the day – first and foremost.  Hard to parent these days indeed – striving for a better reality but still parenting to know how to navigate this one.  Ultimately the goal is a child who knows herself – can speak her mind – has respect for herself and others.  Some days I think Yeah, I’m doing good by her – other days – like today – I think gawd help me – I’m failing.

I have moments where I feel I’m ok – I’m enough – I got this.  Then days like today wax in and I feel I will never be good enough.  Financially abundant enough.  Young enough.  Firm enough.  Soft enough.  Energetic enough.  Competent enough (some days I have no clue what I’m doing).  Yes, sometimes those boundaries are solid and firm – sometimes they are squishy and pliable especially when this woman is just plum f’ing exhausted.

Yesterday was far better here in my experience.  The one big difference – sleep.  I had amazing sleep 2 nights before.  Last night?  Back at it with the sleep intention seeking – leaving me feeling in some moments desperate and pleading and instead of intending the sleep – BEGGING for it.

Fuch.

I want to please people.  Probably too much.  But sometimes I also want to punch their lights out, spit on the ground and walk away.

Discovering myself again – and anew – is not always a pretty process.

So I saw this tweet below tonight – and as a mama – I appreciated it.  Reminded me again what my real role is.  Kids learn what they see and not just what they are told – and they learn best when the rules are solid.  Cross the line?  Well there’s a consequence for those times when it’s crossed.

My girl has a phone – but no phone plan.  My thought – she wants a plan – she can pay for it.  Yes the last 3 years have been very difficult for her – I get that.  But I’m still raising a child into adulthood here and sometimes you just gots to know when to let that past nonsense go and move on.  Stop repeating the story.  It happened.  Focus on the NOW – and find some reason to put on a smile – like she did today when she filled up her pool with water balloons or when she swung on the swings tonight at the park.  I reflected – watched her – smile on my face – and paused to take in the moment.  If she’s still able to create her own joy – even if it ain’t perfect – I must be doing something right.

Always room for expansion.

Love,

V.

******

Not much to share………..or shall I say very little is impressing me atm….These first two describe my experience perfectly……..

 

 

 

 

Silver’s going to be the hot metal…………”they” been removing it from the coins for awhile now…………

 

Don’t know what to think about this other than the obvious creepy AF – and wouldn’t surprise me……….

 

I’ll take the exit sign for $1,000, Alex………

 

Uh huh………..

 

 

Snopes…….🙄……readers “insights” (i.e. normies trying to sound like they’ve done their research)……  😂😜

 

 

Hey hey hey now………..lookie here:

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Sigh………..
Back and forth…………moves and countermoves………long past time for the hammer to clear the board, ya know?  I keep saying – others of us saying too – by the time this movie actually ends or gets good enough to watch 24/7 the theatre will be empty.  This back and forth bipolar schizo reality has run its course.  More and more I tell myself – just observe.  Eat a cookie.  Locate the chocolate.  Make some bread.  Ride your bike.  Throw a water balloon.  Spit on a demon and scream a little.
UGH sigh.
Love (again),
V.
******

Author: Victoria1111

Truthseeker. Philosopher. Commander of Freedom. Writer. Musician. Composer. Above all I Am A Creator.