I thought it would feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel different today. I’m trying to get into the good space. Doesn’t take much these days to get my brain to shut down.
Hit with more $$ surprises. My security license for my site is due this month (I thought it was expiring in December – but what do I know – I can’t remember my child’s name some moments these days) – it jumped about 20%. Usually these things lower as time passes. Apparently not. I didn’t budget for this (thanks for giving me a measly 7 days heads up). Back to school stuff means, you know, curriculum – new stuff. Books. Clothes. Teenage years have become about makeup and skin care, etc. etc. I still have a ripped up ‘ole comforter I was hoping to replace over the summer.
Didn’t happen.
Cost of living after all has become SO doable for all of us – especially those of us already hovering around poverty. 🙄
What isn’t going up?
I’m supposed to be (SUPPOSED TO BE) saving money.
I’m supposed to be finding and landing increased job and income opportunities.
This system gonna switch or not?
T’s promise of helping families like myself (school expenses) – pipe dream for some future moment when I need it like NOW.
I struggle to make it across the f’ing finish line so masked up asshats can SEE?
Clothes are starting to bag on me – new clothes.
F U C H
Drama in the house – too much.
I intend the opposite.
Days like today I think “just stay in bed until it’s all over”.
Of course – I would need someone waiting on me…
Be nice, you know – to be pampered for awhile until I FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL well.
Have someone pay my bills.
Running my sites (haven’t done anything with the latest one as I am too blank in the mind to come up with anything to post).
Cooking and cleaning and educating.
Scrubbing the shower and toilet.
Picking up the messes left behind.
Answering the myriad of questions I am asked.
Listening to the lamenting and gripes.
Playing referee.
Organizing. Keeping track of this and that. (that’s a joke now – when I’m asked “uh what’s this” I fire back “figure it out”)
Any volunteers?
This world – all in it – does seem to come down to survival of the fittest.
Alot of nice words – spoken by those who haven’t a clue what I am dealing with here and do not grasp how f’ing. t i r e d i am.
I don’t need words.
I need a big fat pile of cold hard f’ing cash to change my life.
PERIOD.
So then I could BUY the help I need.
And MOVE to where I need to go.
And get the healing I need.
That word: NEED
N E E D.
Perhaps tomorrow.
Yes – I intend TOMORROW.
But I will always take NOW.
Love,
V.
