I awoke this morning with apprehension and anxiety. Damn, I thought. What is going on “out there” today? What had “they” done now? I lay in bed as long as I could, blankets pulled up around me like a cocoon, chanting “I am in my happy place. I am in my happy place.”
Later on, after getting out of bed, my mate went through some of the headlines which all screamed deep state trauma. Soros announcing major financial crash. Ebola outbreak. Iran bracing for economic “war”. Roseanne getting axed by the demonic forces of AbsoluteBullCrap.
I had no interest in any of it. It felt like little bullets bouncing off my energy body.
I found this really nice space within that simply refused to give the happenings of the world any energy. She was at complete peace.
She reminded me why I am here.
She reminded me of how much is going on behind the scenes, behind the veil. I KNOW this.
KNOW it. It has morphed from mostly feeling to K N O W I N G.
The feeling is undeniable.
Well…. so…. not all I encountered today held that state of Being. And that’s ok.
It was interesting to note that at one point I was engaged in a few conversations. The energies of two were of absolute polar opposites. Something told me I had a choice of which I would feed.
Inner ME knew which one to focus on (in terms of outcomes of current situations). Inner ME was not just focused on what I WISHED to be the outcome.
But on what I KNOW would happen and IS happening.
I headed out for awhile to get some food. I am so nearly broke I was literally counting out dimes and nickels to see how much loose change I had in case the amount in my bank account wasn’t enough to pay for a few staples for the week. As I did this ~ I laughed.
Yeah, I laughed. I saw so much humor in this. Even if it was humor of the “this is so effing ridiculous” kind. And….Even with the story of the twisted pay-to-live system that went through my mind ~ I felt no fear. Just….humor. I am finding that when I let go of the stress, when I fully face those dark fears, a part of me just surrenders now and says “ok well this is how it is. I will be ok. Universe will just provide.” This has not happened quickly though….over the years there has been a LOT of stress, trauma, fear and other unpleasant bullshit. lol
Arriving at the store, I go to the produce section to get a few things. One of the clerks asked how I was. I paused. In my mind I heard “it’s been a day”….”a LIFE”….but something within pulled me back.
I smiled and told the clerk “Well, today, right now, I am grateful I have enough money to buy this beautiful food for my family.”
And I meant it.
It was such a beautiful experience for me. And unusual. As I felt it I added to my grandest self/divine “thank you more please ~ i will take more of THAT experience!”
You know how it is. You can SAY something ~ but the feeling doesn’t align with the words so it feels forced and fake and I don’t like doing either.
The divine feeling though is when the words are spoken and the inner feeling says “YES”. Surrender perhaps?
It really was a powerful experience for me.
As I paid for my few items, I saw the amount, did a quick calculation in my head and I said, “well that leaves me with 69 cents in my account. i just made it! good guess work, girl!” And laughed again.
I felt a part of me watching myself in a way, thinking “uuuuh who is THIS girl?” Someone new?
Perhaps, yes. [wp-svg-icons icon=”smiley” wrap=”i”]
I will tell you my feel about today ~ I felt a shift. A split. One path said “walk this way come on you know you want to go down this road.” I felt it. It did not feel good. No thank you.
The other just presented itself without a story. I felt I naturally just vibed to it. I let go, went within and found myself naturally gravitated to it. She knew. That feeling just KNEW.
The song “Riding the storm out” went through my mind. That’s what I’ve been doing. What most of us have been doing. The song stayed around me throughout the day. Alone, in those quiet moments, when we weed out what doesn’t align, we find home. Within. I had that today. Everything is ok.
That is all for now.
[wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]
Victoria
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