Today’s Word: Disillusioned ~ And Also Reflective

 

i took the night off last night and watched “guess who’s coming to dinner”. i love those old classics.  there was an innocence ~ intelligent conversation. i was in great need of that energy after skimming through some of the headlines of yesterday.  the horrors coming out of hollywood ~ the articles ~ the naming of names ~ it just got to be too much.  i needed to recharge and get back some energy of innocence.

today – tonight – i am feeling like i need more time off.  Q is now addressing this filth.  i read someone say they (the perpetrators) are just playing a role, another said we need to know how to tune inward to see how we are calling forth such experiences.

seriously W T F?!

i won’t even address that shit.  i won’t say “STOP BLAMING the victim!  NO PERSON ~ young or old says ‘hey come and rape me.  come torture me.'”

ah, but i did, didn’t i?

playing a role?  really?  so if one of these sick filthy pieces of vermin pulled that horror on their child, they would just dismiss it as “playing a role”?

it’s difficult enough for me to understand why a person would sell out like this.  why anyone with a speck of source, with a soul, would make such a choice.

that is why i tell myself – they are soulless.  bots.  projections.  FAKE.  as fake as the sun, the moon and other planets in this realm.

am i the only one who feels when this simulation ends, we are going to see how few of us pure-hearts there are?

i am feeling a bit heavy – all the money i threw at these entities.  the energy i invested in their movies and their lives.  all of it – a waste.  i even told my mate to stop buying lottery tickets.  i had a feeling followed by a chill that this money has gone to supporting trafficking.  it goes into the general fund which is a fancy way of saying “we don’t have to account for the money”.  given the massive revenue in my state alone from lotto sales, we could have redone our infrastructure.  instead – all of these “promises” made by the lottery commission – the fixing up of roads, parks, cleaning up of x y z have gone unmet.  we have resembled a 3rd world country as each year has passed.

it brings up my own “stuff” here too ~ the unwanted attention, the fondling, the grabbing, groping, the stares and “cat calls” – being forced into situations i said “NO” to and/or did not ask to participate in.  the one time i didn’t know what to say or do – i was much too young – so i just had to let it happen.

the heaviness of this realm – the energy of power over and control – all of it – i am ready to drop like a heavy, stinky, mold-ridden, musty coat.

until then, for now, i soothe myself.  i send love and healing to the victims – not that this does a damn thing to remedy any of it.  i know there are people rescuing these people, young and old – just as there are those exposing the perps.  and i applaud them.  honor them. have deep respect for them.  for i know – i do not have it in me to take on those roles.

well…….aside from that i am feeling quite reflective on the upcoming week. will the magic begin on the 30/31st (depending upon where one is)?  will it be sudden?  slow?  today i was feeling very floaty-like – the “between two worlds” sensation.  a huge fear-based dream last night – where i took control of a horror and stopped myself at the last moment from taking the life of someone who had harmed a child.  that is all i will share on that.  a dream that was influenced?  or processing out a fear, showing my power?  both?  how are we to know?

how are we to truly KNOW a thing living under the parameter of lies and deception/manipulation that we do?  until felt and seen, what we have is speculation.

off to self-soothe now.  if any of you feel inclined to share a few dollars, i would deeply appreciate it.  pay day is another week away and funds are very low this month – the lowest they have been at this time in a very long time.

then again, maybe this is all happening for a reason and i am being guided to continue this self-soothing/go-within/reflective space while knowing in a few more days, this pay to live money stuff will no longer matter – for any of us.

now that is something i can breathe in deeply.

much love,

victoria

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