Today’s Reflection ~ Weary!

 

the ongoing feeling the last few days – THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OVER BY NOW!  the charade.  the simulation.  the manipulation.  everything that i know that makes me a feeling being is expressing this.  emotional vomiting.

others are feeling this as well.  i’ve spoken with a few of you and with others in one of my social media groups – and the feeling is the same.  weary.  for some of us – an unbearable weariness.

there doesn’t feel as though there is any purpose to this experience of weariness.  i know to the core of Who I Am – that this game, this experience has been bastardized and slowed down from ending.

i look at my event tree up the street.  the leaves are changing.  THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.  not given what i saw.

the 20 year anniversary is tomorrow.  THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.  not given what i saw.

and indeed NOT given what i intended daily ALL YEAR.

i’m without words anymore in expressing myself.  sharing my feeling experience which is overwhelmingly tired of wondering WHO IS IN CONTROL here?

on one hand we’re told “we and we alone are responsible for all facets of our life”….but then the same  new age speak will then say “you don’t control sheot”.

so which is it?

how do you take responsibility if you have no control?

i realize there is a FLOW to thing.  but that FLOW has been plugged up for so long – i can FEEL it HUGELY wanting to BURST OPEN and FLOW again.

i need to be and deserve to be in an environment – a realm – whatever you wish to call it – in an experience where i CAN take full ownership of My Experience because I AM THE ONE DOING THE CREATING and experiencing the desired outcome.  NO intrusion.  just assistance when/if asked for.

i get that is not allowed in this realm.  i get this realm is one of free will which has allowed for the power-over game to exist.

anyone else desperately deeply need to know WHEN WILL THIS END?

and what can I DO TO HELP?!

i ask these questions lately.  often.

anyone else not hearing anything when going within?  OR going “without”?

the mailman delivered the mail as i was leaving in the car.  i rolled down the window and said he could just give it to me in the car.  it was a bill and i said “oh crap when will this end??”  he laughed.  i opened it up.  my bill went up another $5.

WTF?!

i had some wonderful new subscribers on my Patreon site – paying people – who left.  apparently some of them were under the impression i am Aluna Ash – even though on my first page i clearly state my name and give link back to this site.  that is why i have begun capitalizing certain links so people will know – this is not my material.  if i could i would insert flashing neon signs.

it’s painful – this feeling of i am not well known enough.  not good enough. and these days – not young enough.  i know these are my issues to deal with – but damn.  living in this realm makes it a huge challenge to fully overcome them – especially when they keep cropping up.

inside i have been crying over this – having dreams of me attempting to reach out and connect and i remain unseen.

i wish people would give the “little guy/gal” a break – some support.

so what if someone doesn’t have half a million followers.  does that mean they have less to offer?

of course not!  and some of us “old timers” have much to share.

so my message to those who focus on the big channels – give the little one’s a chance!  we’re all in this one together – attempting to figure out this puzzle.  attempting to assist in ending this game.

and in fact i am going to be so bold to say that not only is this awakening and transition/ending an inside job it is also an outside job.

yes – i DO NEED the outside to change in order to feel better.

i NEED the lies to end.

i NEED the system of pay to live and power over to END.

i NEED all of the repressed tech RELEASED so that i CAN HEAL myself and LIVE in the way I KNOW I NEED.

I.  NEED.  MY.  FREEDOM.

i am finished listening to, supporting and ALLOWING the energy of “nothing out there can affect you unless you allow it”.

just more programming.

and i have had enough of the programming.

and taking that further i have had enough of the bots.  i haven’t spoken of this term for awhile as i have been focused on being kind and loving.  less judgmental.

but today – the past few days – OVERWHELM!  tuned out.  clued out.  say a new thought and get the blank look.  say the unpopular, politically incorrect thing and get the look of discomfort.

i can’t do fake.  period.  bottom line.  line in the sand.

i can’t keep that fakeness within.  i have to be me.

intense.  loving.  deeply caring.  and who has no desire to be around any one not wishing to SEE BEYOND THE VEIL OF ILLUSIONS WE ARE SOLD EVERY DAY.

today i haven’t the energy to participate in this game when all of me needs it to END.

as i saw an ANON say late last week:  LET’S FINISH THIS SHIT.

i concur.

love,

victoria

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