It was too late for me to share this one last night. I was so engrossed with Lisa Harrison’s latest – realizing once again I often receive the same feels/messages as she does only I don’t pay them any attention because they arise so gently and quietly and are very fleeting. Given how occupied I am on 3D…uh…crap most of the time, I do not take the time to give them the focus they need.
So last night had an experience in the shower (where else!) and it aligns with what Lisa said about guilt (at the 27:40 minute mark in her recent video). She says the guilt she is feeling feels as though it is coming from BIG her saying, essentially, “i am sorry for putting little through all of this.”
so I am in the shower and I am looking at the duck my girl had brought into the bath earlier in the evening. It’s my duck from when I was an infant. For obviously cosmic and necessary reasons, she decided to put it into the bath last night. A first. So I am looking at this baby toy of mine and I wondered why I kept it. What made me keep it all these years. It isn’t like I played with it once I outgrew baby toys in the tub. I heard “I guided you to save it for this very moment in time so I could tell you I am sorry. I am sorry for putting you through this. I didn’t know how hard it would be on you and for you.”
Wow talk about a moment. That brought up some necessary tears. I will leave that one at that.
I was awake this morning at 5:00am – wide awake and hungry. So I quietly went into the kitchen and drank from OJ and had a slice of bread. An interesting choice but that’s what my instincts said. As I went back to bed, I began to receive a bunch of “stuff” – I couldn’t begin to keep up – and as I did my entire body began to shake and tremble – including my head. It was intense and I began to panic but soothed myself. I don’t recall anything else after that as I returned to sleep.
I am also seeing that big Me speaks more than I realize. As I stated above, I just don’t always give those feels and messages focus.
I saw again today when I am in drama or conflict of any kind I want to scream. I become choked up and congested.
Some of us with children are noticing they are becoming a bit “bat shit” crazy. Very emotional. Outbursts. Sleep disruption. Just your overall craziness. So we are having conversations about that. Talking about the programs here. Fear/programmed speak as compared to Love speak.
Today while out and about I had a moment of overwhelm in the car. I went “above” and beyond the mental chatter and said “this is just a program. it cannot harm me.” I felt a calm go over my body and as I did, I was guided to look at the trip counter on the odometer and the clock on the radio. The trip counter read 44:4 and the radio, 4:04. (i was driving or else i would have taken a picture with my cell phone. it’s old and takes several steps just to take a picture so you will just have to go with my words.) I am no longer trying to “figure out” the meaning of the number sequences. I instead see this as highest Me feeling into me, reaching out to offer love and support.
As far as energetics today, I was quite tired again. I had to lay down after dinner in bed where I was out in moments for about an hour. I will link some graphs next. For now I am allowing this “existential cleanse” as Lisa called it. Very fitting.
I do want to add this before I close up this one. It continues to be my feel that we do not NEED to be fully healed or to be totally detached from all of our programs in order TO….transition..exit….go home….absorb the event or experience it….etc. etc. It DOES however, for me that is, feel as though this is my path, my choice TO detach and release as much as I am able to to keep me focused on HOME. Perhaps that will make it easier on me. Perhaps it is simply part of my path TO home. I know this ~ I do have visions at times and can FEEL such visions within of my physical body being released from energy cords (programs). And when I have these experiences, I literally move my body and shake off whatever energy was attached to me – here there and everywhere. And I am still playing with that dream I had where I saw myself inside of a room surrounded by computers where I had the desire to yell “WAKE UP” I have a feeling there may be quite literal about this and not just a metaphor.
Truth and Freedom for us all.
Love,
Victoria
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