Today’s word ~ allowing

 

allowing myself to NOT be ok with “how things are”….

i am the type of being that when i see suffering and know it can be alleviated but the powers-that-be (it will become powers that were when said powers are REMOVED and our freedoms returned)…the powers-that-be repress it/control it.  so i speak out.  and i feel anger.  and pain.  that is who i am.  i am not one to feel nothing or shrug and say “that’s how it is” and remain in this rather sociopathic-type space of neutrality.  when does THAT behavior ever change a thing?

well not that ranting and raging does anything either.  but when combined w/other voices and action, can and does invoke change.

my mate has to return to the hospital to get another MRI.  radiologists orders.  something appeared that he/she wants to get more detail on.

i am not going into detail as to his health issues.  i have done that enough in this space.  but to say we are concerned is an under-statement.  i had to go on a walk and cry and smack some poles with my walking stick.  the rage i feel towards the medical system has kicked up again.  they refuse to acknowledge his real underlying issue but hey, that’s “just how it is” right?

the medical system is complicit in their neglect.  they are complicit in my husband’s suffering (unnecessarily).  they are complicit in refusing to acknowledge his diagnosis by a real lyme expert which includes blood work by a real (certified) lab.  and yet they get to go off to their cushy jobs each day and return home at the end of the day in their cushy expensive cars and gated community home.  no culpability.

and yet i’m just to be ok with all of this.

I.  Am.  Not.

it’s such a situation of insanity most can’t deal with it.  a recent conversation i had with a family member – their eyes glazed over and they stopped listening.  they are in need of just being “ok” with how things are.

I.  Am.  Not.

and so i am allowing myself to be in the “i am not” ok space.  because i’m not.  and i never will be.  this type of treatment is not ok.  it never has been. and it never will be.

and yet there IS tech to heal and cure all disease that the powers that be have kept from us.  and yet each day those not affected by difficult disease see this and yet go on with their day not saying a word about it.  they are in need as well with being “ok” for this for their own sanity.  i get that.  and yet….

I.  Am.  Not.

what do i say regularly?  Love helps.  PERIOD.  it doesn’t harm.  and that is what he and i have both been on the receiving end in our dealings w/his health issues.  like so many others.

so i said we will do another fundraiser and get you on cannabis oil.  REAL cannabis oil.  this is who i am.  life dumps a load – i get to work immediately taking charge.  making a plan.  commander victoria steps up and does. HELPS.  and yet i am also under no illusion i am as equally exhausted as is my mate in dealing with health issues.  trying yet another x y z treatment….i have my own health issues needing REAL treatment and yet again when money is the issue and/or restriction to healing tech is in place….

you get the picture.

i was very appreciative and touched by a tweet put out by psychic ustava – speaking on the subject of people saying “nothing outside of you can harm you unless you allow it”.  nonsense, she said.  not in this realm we are in. harm, abuse and mind control are very real and ARE very harmful.

preach it sister.

i will end this by saying the event cannot come soon enough.  the release of the tech cannot come soon enough.  ENOUGH FUCKING SUFFERING.

ENOUGH.

just….enough.  i want my girl to know the visions her dada and mama hold in their hearts really ARE going to manifest.  that all we have spoken of the past few years is real.  truly really is…REAL.

yeah, that right there.

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victoria

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