my mate is having a procedure today so i am a bit stressed. actually we found out about this rather urgent need to have this done 2 weeks ago and i have not been fully “me” since. you ground – occupy yourself – go within – release – and still – it is still there. living here and going through all we have – as individuals and as a couple – has just taken a toll – for us both. neither of us are the same strong/can handle anything types as we once were. i remained strong and focused on what he needed to do – until this yesterday afternoon when i just rather broke down. i am who i am and this i am – maybe even the I AM too – is tired of playing the role of “be tough”. being strong means you ain’t invincible and you allow yourself to have those moments of weakness and you ask for help. which i did. we have our wonderful neighbor who is like family to us and he loves to help at times like this. he’s a natural at it. i once was as well and that brings out sadness in me. i could handle these things – no problem. today? doesn’t take much to put me in that state of overwhelm. this happened gradually – over the years – with each “hit” and challenge. sometimes that are just too many…. as i have said that term “god never gives you more than you can handle” is a rather callous concept. and besides it’s nonsense to think “god” gives us this – as though it’s a gift – something to help us grow stronger. nonsense. we thrive in full strength in loving, supportive, joyful environments.
just more programming to scrap.
i am in need of donations again. well i’m always in need of that – but this month we face medical expenses – plus our girl’s birthday. [wp-svg-icons icon=”smiley” wrap=”i”] the medical facility had requested a $175 co-pay for today. uh we don’t have that so they’ll just have to sit on that one awhile. insurance doesn’t pay for these specialty appointments and he will have a follow up visit as well. and i need a couple of supplements myself. and a massage for that ongoing muscle issue. and a vacation and and and….lol
well you get the picture. anything helps and i so deeply appreciate those of you who do donate. the CBD oil is at least helping me sleep and so i am very grateful for that.
well i need to get back to my life. if you are reading this now, could you please hold my mate in your thoughts for a safe, successful procedure today. i thank you and i know he does too.
love,
victoria
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