i felt poked and triggered all day today. it started when we woke up to a dead rat in our yard. it had been chewed up and left behind. our neighbor’s cat roams freely and frequents our yard regularly at night (talking with the owner is pointless). at times this cat has left dead animals in our yard and i am fed up with it. i was sharing this with another neighbor and stated how i was at the point of saving these dead animals, placing them in a box and delivering them to the owner’s house so she can deal with the messes her cat is leaving in my yard. no no no don’t do that, she said shaking her head, frowning. that’s not ok. that’s what cats do.
well i should have known better – this person is not the most awakened person. so i asked her if she would prefer i deliver the cat to her house so she can be left these presents. she literally gave me a blank stare.
anyone home with some of these people? it’s like i literally witness them experiencing a new concept they cannot comprehend. a new program. i sympathize. and yet i am also just plain tired and fed up with having these experiences with others. the people in my sanctuary world have more sympathy towards the rights of sex offenders, illegal immigrants and drugged out homeless people who steal and poop all over the place than they do with law abiding people just trying to survive. it is soooo apparent now the programming and agenda has worked here. if i walked down the street with a MAGA hat on while saying “i am a PROUD white woman” – heads may implode.
i saw some new bumper stickers around town too: “make america not be an embarrassment again”. i shook my head and kept going. then my social media seemed to flood me with stuff known to trigger me.
with each experience i said “i see what you’re doing. not feeding you.”
unplug. unplug. unplug.
and at the same time thinking and feeling – i am so done with this absolute bullshit.
validation came when i saw a MEME asking this: “Any of you feel you are being seriously triggered today? more than usual?”
YES YES and YES!
also felt really slammed mid afternoon with “something” that came in energetically and tempted to floor me. i heard from sister d who said she felt something around the same time. i had things to do so i pushed through it.
i felt the equal draw to lash back and to respond with love today – and i engaged in both choices. likely if i had rested in the way i needed, love would have been the only choice. it certainly did not help having a mate who was in a major down space today – combination of exhaustion, health issues and extremely grumpy from cleaning out a very hot, dusty garage. downsizing. i helped when i could. trigger trigger trigger for both of us – having to get rid of even more of our stuff we otherwise would like to keep but have no room for as we have been unable to find a bigger place we can afford plus we also really need the money to fix the #%@! dishwasher so some items are now up for sale.
pay to live is madness. feeling isolated here is madness.
HOME SWEET HOME NOW!
or at least:
lol
love,
victoria
******
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feeling like trying to be triggered too yesterday. felt angry for no real reason.
driving home in traffic, I felt as if I almost had a seizure? something hit my left lobe. I was able to snap out of it but was weird. good energy? bad energy? we will see.