my experience did not begin with the words in my title. nope. i awoke feeling frustration. grumpy bear was out and she struggled to stay centered. i let myself get lost in that experience – feeling poked and dare i say it? challenging life to bring me some pokes. i was in the mood to take all of my challenges and lay it on someone else.
honesty is beautiful in a way isn’t it? lol even when the behavior being revealed is a murky dramatic mess.
so while i made the choice to stew in my angst, eventually i decided to create some moments to counter the mood.
i ignored the chemtrail laden skies this evening to focus on some beautiful sunset images. i have shared some pictures of those below.
and i took the time to pour out my pain playing piano. i recorded a couple of pieces to share, also below. you will have to excuse my rendition of somewhere over the rainbow – at least the end. i’ve only begun playing this song recently (why is that??? i wonder)…. and have played it maybe 4-5 times so i made up the ending in an attempt to cover up the fact that i left out the real ending (which to me is the best part of the song).
i also let myself process some of the stuff i chose to read today – and chose to see. difficult awakening stuff. using people for agenda’s – especially children – is just, well there are a lot of words i could say but i feel you get the point. i read words of locals on a community board upset over people on welfare – annoyance was heavy in the air today. then there was the trip to the store which was unusual – for this particular store that is. people were walking around tuned out – out of it – running into me or my daughter – while the kids in the store were out of control. yelling. crying. it was so loud – i’ve not had that experience there in all the years i’ve been shopping there. one little guy – about 4 – was running up and down the aisles opening and closing cooler doors. he ran up to me a couple of times as i was trying to pay for my food, saying “lookit me lookit me!”. mom and dad were both there – letting him do his “free ranging”. then there was the clerk who was absolutely out of it – scanning my items like he had weights on his hands. at one point he was staring at some beets i had purchased in produce. he seemed confused by them so i said “those are beets”. he looks at me and asks “huh?” and i said “beets” to which he gives me a confused look – again – and i said – slowly – “beets. those. are. beets. beets.” he goes “uh huh” and rings ’em up. lol argh!! i was very happy to leave that environment.
as we walked out of the store both my girl and i spoke of the environment. an older gentleman, parked next to me, seemed to be privy to our conversation and appeared to align with our experience. as i got into the car he looked over at me. i paused – gave him a “whew” look – he gave it back then we both smiled at one another. a nice way to put a lid on that experience – with humor.
i feel i know what’s up. the unplugging is in full on effect and all are experiencing it in their own way. i am at least grateful i feel i know what’s up – as does my family – so we can talk about these sudden “not so pretty” experiences we are having.
i am grateful for a home when so many in my community don’t. and not just a home but a SAFE home. food to eat. the ability to keep ourselves warm. and grateful i have my tribe in those of you with whom i connect. your words – your sharing – your support – continues to really help sustain me. you matter to me!
much love,
victoria
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