editor victoria’s comment ~ i as well had a “home” dream a few years before i had my child. saw her and she looks as she did in the dream. today i am feeling, well, disgusted – how much longer am i willing to hold onto the dream and the visions and the feelings of “home”. can i trust them – and if not – what can i trust? when i went to bed last night i was angry – really angry – still here. “out there” still not aligning w/my own inner wants and desires and needs and intentions/searching/seeking. like linea said – let’s end up this pain and suffering. enough really is enough. as i was sharing with my mate – who is in charge of our experience here…. it my perception about all we can fully control is how we respond to the outside system(s)……our choices limited….no freedom in that – very limited in our creative abilities here…..
linea saying – when you get threatened w/your survival needs – especially with a child – well been there done that. had financially well off a-holes decide to kick us out of our homes in the past (yes homes plural). parents with a child (at the time she was a baby). no heart these people. but we remained and remain protected. always.
the big question today for me is why do i continue to feel this quiet void and blank w/in when i tune in and ask “what do i do next?” we began looking around for a new town – new state – several weeks ago and nothing is aligning or opening up. the search feels as bland as does my day to day experience here.
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Been crying all day long. So sad for no particular reason. Feeling up and down all day.
Very sensitive in general. Felt like this was the last Christmas.