I don’t know where this one will go…..just what is flowing out of me atm…
I was reflecting on my girl – who has had more than her share of bully behavior in her young years. Middle school kids can be horrible – especially when they are the by-product of being in the system of 7 hour a day schooling system(s) – little time with their parents in what are otherwise HIGHLY formative years – especially for socialization. It is a free-for-all as any of us know from our own public schooling. And some of us are just born more sensitive and conscientious. I swear some come into this matrix just downright cruel. Programmed to bully and control.
As I was reflecting on her experiences – this lead me to my own experiences – and how during those middle school years – I spent much of my time alone in my bedroom. By the time I was in high school, I was jaded and traumatized with a pretty big chip on my shoulder that has shrunk and then regrown over the years. Trusting others with my heart – how do we ever do that in this prison?
Recently the woman I see for trauma release told me I “share too much” of myself with others. I gave her a look – as in “you don’t know me and you certainly do not know what you are talking about”. We discussed it further and she is more of the type (generational thing) to keep real topics off the table whereas that is not who I am. However, I do take things slowly with others upon first meeting them. I am an open box – that opens slowly.
But apparently that is considered “my doing” when I get hurt because I share something that is “too much openness”.
I laugh at that in a way for I know that outside of this prison we are OPEN. There is no FEAR in sharing our Truth like there is here. Those who have been attracted to me – and stick around – appreciate my authenticity. And I appreciate them just as much.
So I am putting that out there for my girl to find that – in person – the same I am for myself.
I reflect on something someone said last night – about trauma – about how some are more traumatized/harmed than others. She spoke of how we are to carry those who cannot carry themselves. At least help carry them. During this time of battle – the term “Warrior” looks different for every one of us. If we are to be Pure Authentic Heart-Based Souls – we drop the rugged individualism and judgment and meet from our Hearts – where we are NOW.
And me NOW continues to roar but I also know how tired and wounded I am. It is wearing to be Me in here. Period. Each day feels more “taxing” at this stage of whatever it is we are in.
And I know I am not alone in that reflection of Truth.
But like always, I continue to roar when I need to. I’m just now weary of having to roar when all I desire to do is play and be this.
Love,
Victoria
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The only people who don’t want to hear you sharing from your heart, or that can’t deal when you do, are those who either (a) don’t have one (*side eyes all the NPC’s*) or (b) have one but are too damn scared or lazy to use the thing (willful sleepers – and at this point, I think if you’re asleep, it’s a damn choice, so zero pity from me for that bunch). They don’t like authenticity and openness because it reminds them how fake and/or shallow they are. Sadly, they are the majority here – which I don’t feel will matter much longer. Keep on roaring, sis. 🦁 Your trauma person sounds kind of judgey. I was irked by my PT practitioner recently, who got up in my face for not being there for 2 weeks (mostly due to weather – like I made it snow!), then with a smirk I have seen many narcissist Agent Smiths wear, pushed me beyond what I was able and set off my condition, making me unable to do anything for the last 2 days. I was in actual pain when I left and wasn’t offered an ice pack, though the other lady was, and she hadn’t made a peep. I know we need care providers, but with them invalidating our feelings or doing damage (physical or emotional), I honestly wonder if it’s worth risking the NPC exposure.
I’m sorry your kid is going through such a hard time. This world has never been decent to good souls, as a rule, from the cradle up. But at least she has you, a mom who is awake and caring and can explain. A lot of people don’t have that, from a mom or anyone else. So in that respect, as hard as this is, she is fortunate. 💜
So, I don’t know if you follow Chris and Sheree Geo, I check in on occasion, and I just about cheered with what he said on his latest vid (because it resonated 💯 with what I’ve been feeling and putting my energy into) – the ‘mission’ is over, this matrix is collapsing (which is probably why everything has felt so dead and we’re disconnecting from it all), and now it’s about evacuating us real peeps before the shutoff. Heck. YES. Finally. 💃✈️ However it goes down, whether it’s Rose’s *standing* or as mundane as just opening our eyes and peeling off a headset, I am READY. I don’t know about you, but I have felt this increasing urgency for some time now, not just that I want out, but that we all need to GET out. Not a fearful feeling, but more like a, “clock’s ticking, we gotta run, now!” feeling. The airport dream I had was the same frenetic, rushing vibe. And that antsy feeling just keeps slowly intensifying. What little energy I have beyond when I am able to work (and that is veeeery little now), I’ve been using to try to find or make an exit. I know we’re *not to ask when,* so I’m not and I haven’t, but I frankly don’t see how it can hold together much longer. It can’t be long now.
Thank you for that Sister! And wow – your PT abused you! Are you going to report that? I am so sorry – that brings up that inner “NO YOU WILL NOT HARM HER” in me. Let me know if you need to talk – you know how to reach me. …. I will check out the Geo’s – I’m in this place of needing to hear/feel something from Home – been putting that out there. Hugs to you.
ok so i checked out their most recent video on the collapsing matrix. i’m kind of confused – the first 12-15 minutes was about promoting his patreon page and after that it was some techno mix that he created. did i miss something?
Thank you for checking on me earlier! I’ll touch base soon.
So, it was a very brief mention, but yes, he did say that in his ‘moving to patreon’ vid. I was excited because the reason I’d quit following him was his stubborn insistence on staying to wake people up – which he now sees just isn’t gonna happen. I’ll see if I can find the spot and send you where it is. He also had a moment realizing in his previous vid – I’ll look and try to send later. Much love!
I don’t know if your email or my email is having issues – I sent two with video time stamps, from my Yahoo account.
hi! and yes i received them – thank you. i am sorry i haven’t responded back yet – i’ve been bz with extra 3d stuff that got thrown my way. playing catch up atm. 🙂