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I put on my “happy” face and positive voice yesterday. Given some channels are essentially saying if your faith is wavering you’re going to have an issue at the transition period, I told myself over and over “soldier up girl and do that whole ‘hold the line’ stuff”.
I just don’t understand how anyone can do that – authentically that is. Not now. Not how obviously ugly it is now. Evil is running lose and rampant now – I not only see it I feel it. And from my perspective at this point – it is kicking our @rses.
And I am supposed to still hold out faith for a happy ending to this?
Perhaps if there were more supports in place in my life – locals in which I could find some connection. Friends with which my child could play. Real healing. Perhaps if I could get SOMETHING positive going within – SOMETHING tangible I can SEE and experience.
Instead it is ongoing guessing and speculation and far too much blind faith coupled with verbal commands to hold the line and trust the plan – but what doesn’t follow are offers of support and “What do you need? What can I do for you?” Not that many of these people can offer anything others need – but hey – at least make the offer. You never know until you ask.
WHERE IS CONSIDERATION?
WHERE IS THE LOVE? You know that whole “love in action” thing? Makes me think – why am I doing this work? What good is it serving? I know viewership is down. Donations are down. Social media censors me.
I won’t lie or pretend. Isolation is draining. My mate’s pain worsens – which I may have shared here is something I am seeing. That is really becoming an issue – especially mentally. This. Is. Not. Living.
I think it is time to stop speculating and start planning. As I CONTINUE TO SAY (which feels like I am speaking to empty space at this point): United together in physical to create is a good place to begin to create WHAT WE WANT – at least we would have each other, ya know? Raise funds. Organize. That sort of thing.
Will there be a new world – a transition? We can hope for that. But is it guaranteed? Unless and until I am one of those “chosen” ones who allegedly get intel and comms from the alleged outside, that answer is N O. At the moment nothing is guaranteed – other than for whatever ridiculous insane reason that doesn’t align with me in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM – evil is being allowed to do its thing without consequence. War or not – this whole “go through hell b4 get to heaven” and “go backward to go forward” absolutely does not align with me. I know I am definitely not alone in that sentiment.
That’s all I’ve got for today.
Love,
Victoria
Soldier speak:
*at the beginning of any battle–you’re always losing.
*collateral damage inevitable
*Plans always change
*5D chess
I so hear you Miss V…I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.I always question ‘conditional’ in any of this BS going on..”if you don’t have Jesus in your heart..blah blah” Hold the line crap..sick of the generalities and control of these things..never understood the ‘east/west’ crappola..what ‘s the matter with North/south..up/down..who comes up with these things…this game and ‘rules’ to play by..BS again…I am not good at rules.
So, I just went thru the most devastating snow storm here in Colorado..epic inches…over 2 feet. and when the snow plow went by it created a four foot high mound of snow at the end of my driveway!!!!!!!!!!!.I have so many trees and limbs down..that I can’t move and can’t even imagine the cost of having them removed..I can’t even lift the heavy snow to make a path..I had no electricity last night ..so, no heat..my 15 year old cat was just shaking…she was so cold ..made me sad..alone in the dark and cold..wow..gee thanks Jesus..another stellar event to make ya feel yay.!..earth is so wonderful!
Then some bill collector person calls..and my phone died,, and says my bill is ten days past due.and yet on my calendar..I paid it…can’t even get online to see or call..phone dead..can’t charge it no electricity *oh, electric came on late today..hence my writing this”..but this also happened today…and it just screamed hope and help and miracles…I was sitting at my table wondering wtf..what am I to do ..my yard is devastated with downed limbs and trees..so, I look up and there is a guy on a machine with a bucket and tracs not wheels and he is clearing the end of my driveway…I go out and get his attention..and say who are you..he says Emilio…he lives a block over..and started clearing snow because his neighbor has cancer and thought hey, I have the right machine..why not go around the neighborhood…I said you are an angel..and you make me cry..I was so shocked no one has done such an act of kindness for me and he proceeded to do most of my drive up to my car..now I have a ton more to shovel to get my car out,but still…he did so much..and he said..after me asking where he lived he gave the address and he said he likes sweets if I want to bake him something..wow..just wow and he went on his way.
The second angel..my daughter in law * the first angel*called her friend who lives in my town..whom I do not know..and asked if she knew of anyone who could help me shovel snow..before emilio showed up…and she was askin her boyfriends work mates and they were going to try and come tomorrow…and then that angel asked if she could bring me groceries or anything..wow…all of this in one day!!! it was so full of little miracles..I was just so shocked…there is still much for me to do..I have so much snow to shovel..I need to get my car move as there is this ominous tree branch that had broken a way and when it fell it landed on another branch..that is all that is supporting it..and my car is close ..I tried to shovel to day,but the snow is so heavy that is why all the trees are down..or bent..I am in overwhelm.
I cried to bill collector…cried to the snow removal angel..what a day..but I am warm tonight..it was 19 last nigh with no heat for me..brrrr.
So, just fooking trying to survive this crap at 72 is too much..tooooooooooooooo much..and believe me I was cussin’ God and all of it the evil..the bs…and no.. so called check from the gov ..if that is even real..cuz boy do I need it..as you do..I don’t even care where it comes from …it will cost a fortune for all the tree clean up ..I have no clue what the rest of the town looks like..it will be days before I can unbury my car..it is so heavy I can only do a little at a time.
I am so over the struggle of life..but today..I have to say thanks for the help..and help from strangers…amazing…even my so called neighbors didn’t check on me..and one knows don’t have heat if I don’t have electric,but hey they were cozy with their wood burner..and yet strangers came with a smile and and open heart.
So, do what ya gotta do..but know that regardless if many can send you some moolah…many ..my self included apppreciate the hell outta you and your point of view! I say thank you ..it’s all I have to give right now..I am wiped out on many levels,but tonight I am warm and not sitting in the dark alone and cold.
I send you calming thoughts of a better tomorrow! xo