I recently was told – by more than one person – to hold the line – armor up and FIGHT.
And yet – when I am honest with myself – I don’t have it in me now to do that.
Certainly not consistently.
Not in the way I once did.
Not now.
My body – my mind – my Spirit – is TIRED.
Soooo tired.
Battle-weary.
I know I’m not alone.
Think of a professional boxer.
A paid “fighter”.
They have trainers to help them.
They have a support team.
They train.
Then they fight.
And then they REST.
Not even the best trained soldier can fight for long durations without needing to rest.
Or even just stop.
ESPECIALLY if they are more “mature” on the calendar years or sustain injuries.
After listening to Yellow Rose’s latest – I get that now.
I received validation that screaming as I have (and many of us) have been doing – releasing – being honest in saying I AM DONE – perhaps that is being heard.
If her info is correct – we have been heard.
And those on the outside are horrified at how this is playing out at this point.
People fighting back and getting horribly assaulted.
People fighting back and getting killed.
It’s war.
It’s evil.
Enough IS enough.
I don’t have it in me now to sustain this “fight back and resist” energy.
I wake up feeling weary. As I have said – the need to sleeeeeeeeeeeep is regular now and very present.
That tells me we are at the end.
And it also tells me – this wayward daughter can lay her weary head to rest. If or when I feel I can roar – I will. But at the level I once did?
Likely not. I am who I am now.
My mate said – after he roared the other day – it exhausted him.
Sometimes going along isn’t about selling out.
It’s about keeping yourself GOING – get the basis so you can feed yourself and your family.
Respecting your body’s needs. It certainly does not imply one has sold out.
And so I am absolutely finished with anyone telling me to suck it up and do.
Sometimes when a soldier is on the battle field and is too tired to go on – those around him/her HELP. They carry the soldier. Those who CAN do what they can to help the one who just CANNOT.
That is Love.
Love,
Victoria
I feel the same. The weary head is down. Sometimes, we need a boost to keep fighting. That boost is Rest. Once we are charging “full”, we’ll speed up in a “super power”. Rest is for the vitality of Tomorrow.
yes!
There are many posts on your site that have touched me deeply. This is one of them. I couldn’t express it better myself, the way we all feel right now, the situation we are in, and the goal we are trying to see at the end of the tunnel, behind that bloody dangling carrot… Thank you for your words, V. – they help me keep going.
trust me – it is knowing i am not alone and the love and support from you and the rest of the tribe here that help keep me going too. 🙂