Today’s Reflection ~ I got me a mouthful of words and shares

Long night.  Woke up a few times pounding my fist on my pillow.

We watched a Little House earlier in the evening – Bully Boys.  A family of brother’s – representing what is evil in this realm:  humans doing evil’s bidding/work.  It ends with the Reverand, who finally sees there are some people who simply serve evil, grabbing one of the brother’s, slamming him into the wall and asking the men in the congregation (who at the time, you know, were really MEN) “you got this?”  Yep, they did and together they ran them all out of town.

That’s what you do.  That’s what is takes.  None of this negotiate, find a peaceful agreement nonsense.  EVIL DOES NOT COMPREHEND SUCH A BEHAVIOR.

My city – overrun with homeless and criminals and yet – aside from my mate and perhaps 1 or 2 other males we know – the rest of the men are soy boy beta males more concerned about their gardens or being politically correct and quiet.

I had a meltdown last night.  Again.  I spent – WASTED – a good 2 hours of my time looking for a place to live and a work-at-home job.  Every. Single. Work at home Job that I qualified for – REQUIRES PAYPAL.  Every single one.  Then there is the housing situation – my god – has that jumped in the last 6 months.  I could not find ANYTHING we could afford (aside from 1 bedroom or studios).

What has happened to this ability to create the experience I want?  I’m absolutely done hearing “this place is breaking down”.  NO SHEOT it is.  I GET that.  I SEE that.  And yet – I still have a life to live here – responsibilities.  Desires and needs going unmet.  My girl needs new friends and WE need new people who are open and will let our girl play with their girls.  TWO F’ING YEARS OF THIS – no matter what we do she will never get that back.  And such kids are not to be found around here.  So for now – socialization is done via facetime.  And it isn’t like the extended families care about this – or her.  They’re off doing their own thing – still believing the lies.

I checked in on my girl last night – watching her sleep.  She’s growing so fast.  I got a knot in my stomach as I thought “she’s going to need new clothes again” and wondered how will I pay for that?  The moving fund we have keeps getting touched – especially since this “plan” has allowed for “inflation”.  My gawd…………

I’m angry.  I’m very angry.  I am WILLING TO WORK.  I am OPEN to receiving abundance.  Heck – every day I get on this thing and expect – am open to – seeing donations flooding in – seeing someone say “hey we have a house” or “hey I know of work for you or someone to help you promote your site”.

But just like every damn day I expect to see all that I have felt and known and called forth for so many years to finally – FINALLY – break through: I end the day disappointed (to varying degrees).  But then I perk up and say “there’s always tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be it.”  And I KNOW tomorrow will come – at some point.  I just know that this “waiting” is harming me – my mate – and most importantly our beautiful girl – which is why I continue to look – continue to reach out – and at times continue to scream HELP MY FAMILY PLEASE because we’re doing this thing alone here.  NO ONE does this place alone – we’re not supposed to.

Someone told me today they are rolling with the changes in their life.  Seems like those “changes” are things – atm and in previous years – that none of us want.  So I have moments where I roll and moments where I pick up those unwanted rocks – crush them in my hands and toss them into a volcano.  For I will NEVER relent – NEVER give up and NEVER surrender to the “rules” of this game.

So expect me to continue to scream and command – to continue to ask and reach out – because somewhere – somewhere out in this place – something is seeking to meet up – searching to meet the needs I express.

Love,

******

Author: Victoria1111

Truthseeker. Philosopher. Commander of Freedom. Writer. Musician. Composer. Above all I Am A Creator. View all posts by Victoria1111