So I am taking a break from cooking atm. I am so. not. into. this. holiday. this. year. But I got a turkey and made stuffing and potatoes and homemade cranberry sauce. The turkey is pulling a christmas vacation thing – I cannot get it to cook. The directions said 20 minutes per lb. at 350. 3.5 pound breast/dark meet combo is what it is and at 2.5 hours later it still. is. not. done. Everything else is though. And we’re all famished. Mate is in extreme levels of pain ~ lately his knees have been giving out causing him to need immediate assistance. Girl and I went for a walk and saw families celebrating w/whom we used to hang with, you know? Until cv hit and we got kicked outta the social circle because, you know.
I am simply mentally spent – with every facet of my experience now. Every piece of it every bit of it. I’m spent from trying to help alleviate the struggles of my little family here. WTF is up w/my creation ability? I am grateful that Sister Linea reached out to me w/a voice message – sharing similar experience (local tribe for self and child just not there – for her most of the year – for us same – all year). I agree w/her that we are going Home I just obviously don’t know WHEN and this experiencing of feeling that so strongly and trying to suck it up and do this reality as best as I can to the best of my ability has taken a mental toll. I went to bed two hours earlier last night thinking that would help. I am more exhausted than I was yesterday – so it is not a sleep issue. It is a STILL HERE issue. I was reflecting on T-day last year. I had more energy. The energy in the house was much more up and celebratory. I am not the same person I was just a year ago.
So I have been in and out today in my mind – refocusing my thoughts on gratitude until exhaustion kicks in and I just don’t have it in me to feel grateful. I want so much more – for myself and for everyone in this house. Seems to me those struggling the most are the most awake – which is why I struggle w/this plan as I say repeatedly.
Off to check the turkey. Hopefully this time it is done. If not, it’s getting nuked. lol
Love and gratitude to each of you ~
Victoria
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Well, I can comiserate. Both my mate and I ended up with a cold. The place we thought would provide Thanksgiving take-out dinner was closed. Mate had to scramble to buy some turkey slices, and cooked brussels. Thankfully, something told me to buy dinner ingredients ahead of time, so I ended up having to cook. It turned out well after all in the end, with plenty of left-overs. I hope your turkey ended up being delish! I also hope your mate can find some relief from his pain.