I have spent the last two hours trying to locate someone who will get in the car with me and do exposure work. I had someone who I thought was a friend offer to do that for me last fall – I didn’t even have to ask – she just offered. I was so excited – I felt it was divine intervention – so I happily agreed. We did one session together – then she disappeared without a word and hasn’t responded to my requests to talk.
So, I am back at it – have been for weeks actually – to tackle the one issue that impacts my life more than anything. I don’t understand why I have been unable to find someone when I so want to do this! Yes, there’s fear, but I want to tackle it and face it with someone I trust, someone who understands traumatic experience and the body. I. Really. Want. To. Do. This. Like REALLY REALLY R E A L L Y. I’ve dealt with it to varying degrees for a few decades – and it intensified – worsened – over the last 15 years or so. Got really bad in 2014. I tried doing it alone recently and knew – I need someone in the car with me to help.
So here I am – putting out the request to the Universe – here locally – the one person I was able to find doesn’t take my insurance and would charge me $100 per session. I just, you know, that brings up a lot of angst in me. It isn’t just. My healing is a RIGHT.
Tonight, I put out a request to the Universe again – went for a walk. I had to get away. A few blocks in I stopped and looked down – a small statue of what looked like Mary was on a curb. No joke. It was concrete but this was a religious female with a robe, in prayer. I walk this particular street regularly – never seen that there before. So, I stopped, kneeled, and prayed. Because lately that’s about all I got.
💖
V.
