Donations are down this month – I had intended they be elevated. For whatever reason there is a block around me – a heaviness – that I keep pushing through when it comes to money. It is certainly not coming from within – I’ve worked all year to clear that nonsense.
I’ve been asking some other “bigger boys” on stage for some help – promoting – that sort of thing. I either don’t hear back or they’re not interested.
I feel like others have been able to push through – but not everyone. I’m tired of false promises. I’m tired of feeling so g.d. alone here – asking for what I need where I am left crying while the world goes on. I’m really trying. I don’t think most know what I really battle with every day – how I push myself. How f’ing much I PUSH myself.
Today my heart is so f’ing heavy. My girl is quite apathetic now – today she said “mom stop having expectations of people – that way you won’t be disappointed. You just stop caring.” 😩😭 She recently wrote to a family member – 2 months ago – who when we spoke to this individual, she was so casual about it – “Oh I haven’t had time to write back” – no “thank you sweetie” – nothing like that – and this coming from someone who is retired and lives alone and is more or less homebound. Why did my girl write? Because she thought she would feel less lonely and it would give her something to do to occupy her time and mind. Straight from the heart. And this is the b.s. she gets. Very similar to the same level of b.s. I’ve received in unwanted advice. Heartless.
That is NOT what I am teaching her – but that is what she is seeing my experience to be this past year. Put out, put out – wall wall wall. But mama keeps putting out and trying and now she is saying “mom why bother just stop” (NOT HAPPENING). I point out the good – the helpers – the new people who have come into my life – but she knows it isn’t enough to make the changes I need to make. And I do as well.
So on this Christmas Eve – I pray for all of my intentions to finally burst forth. For good to enter and all that is not love to exit. For the Light to TRULY be the Way of not just my experience and my girl’s – but for everyone of us.
💖
Victoria
Don’t take “prosperity suppression” (or perceptions of such) as if it’s anything “personal.” The Satanic regime that is collapsing has controlled money and ‘all access to it’ for many centuries. Yeshua threw the money lenders out of the temple quite sometime ago–and he was crucified for it. Nothing was personal regarding Yeshua’s crucifixion. He merely represented a threat to the Status Quo,i.e., “usury” syndicate. That was the lesson. Our job is to prevail as we enter a new paradigm free of debt slavery. Blessings…and Merry Christ-Mass!
But you see…it is personal. Others bigger than I doing the same or similar work making a decent living at it because their readers support them, providing an exchange of energy financially.