I’ll just dive right in. This. Week. Has. Been. A. Doozy.
No sheot!
I spent about 1/3 of today crying and releasing. At one point I tapped into something so old and deep, I had a small thought “what if I don’t stop crying?” It was something I needed to speak out loud about to release.
Sometimes my regrets threaten to strangle me. I’ve made some really less-than-who-I-am (sounds better than stupid) choices over the years. I wish I had believed in myself more. I use those mistakes to teach my girl ~ ALWAYS believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Be Courageous.
All those words I needed to hear and did not in my own childhood.
Exhaustion is off the charts. Sleep issues have been all week (w/the exception of one night). Intense itching comes up sporadically. Shaking. Anxiety. Dizziness. At the moment, a headache, likely a stress headache. Strain.
I awoke today to see most of the internet sites I visit, including my bank, were down (including my site and hosting company hence no posting for today). I phoned my bank to get some balance information and learned I had a fraudulent charge on my account, so I had to take care of that, reorder a new card.
In spite of feeling uneasy and exhausted, unbalanced, I headed out to get food.
While at the store, I had a panic attack. I leaned on the counter and thought ok if I pass out, I pass out. My chest felt heavy. Of course I did not faint. I refocused and was fine. I checked in with myself. “What is going on?” I thought then felt “emotions needing to be cleared out”.
AGAIN? Really??
Let me tell you, I felt I was in vice grips today. All week actually, just building up for today. Now that I’ve purged, I feel a bit more relaxed. Centered.
That is when I’m not feeling confused – a sense of unease. Why am I here? What do I do next? And the big one: can I really have faith in all I have seen and felt for myself and my life?
Is all of this really happening?
Those are suddenly big energetic questions for me right now ~ and I’m not liking it.
I thought of the word “doubt”.
We have a lot of old false programming on doubt. We are taught to doubt all that is amazing and miraculous, beautiful and hugely possible.
We are not, however, taught to doubt the crap and evil of the world. The fraud. The lies. Oh, we put plenty of faith into all of that.
But to imagine something different? Amazing? Beautiful?
Dare I say, even Perfect?
Dreams come true?
No, you see, I began to know my doubt was old programming.
What am I here to do? Accept the shit and live in doubt of anything different/better?
Or am I here to (help) break down the illusions so the amazing/beautiful/perfect can and will be ~ IS being created? However I feel guided to do that?
Yeah, I will take that last one.
Don’t Stop Believing (feeling/imagining/seeing/knowing)…
Victoria
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Thank you for supporting my work. There is a new supplement I want to try for myself that I feel will help w/the chronic stuff I have been dealing with. It works by going deep into the cells ~ re-energizing (many of us could use that!). I would like to get a bottle each for myself and my mate. If you wish to help me with that, please use the button below. Here is the link for the supplement if you wish to study it/check it out for yourself. You have my gratitude. [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]
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