For the past week or so I have noticed a new inner “churning” which bring forth the following questions: Is this real? Am I doing this? (which then then leads to the thought and knowing “I am NOT supposed to be doing this”)…
Examples:
Recently at the store while getting some items in the bulk section, I suddenly felt a huge sense of frustration within as I knew – and said out loud – I am not supposed to be doing this! I am NOT supposed to be living this way!
Cleaning the bathroom I stopped and felt and thought – Who is doing this? What part of me is doing this? (i sensed a part of me was somewhere else – having a good time – lol – at least living the way I am SUPPOSED to be living which then leads me to say ok what is this “supposed” way? I don’t know for sure – just a feeling based on how I WANT to be living how I KNOW I have been living).
I am under no further illusion that I am not FULLY ME. I know many are having this experience.
I also know many are having this recent experience of feeling like a trapped animal in a cage on the verge of something HUGE – knowing you need to do SOMETHING but not knowing what to do nor how to change the feeling. A long time friend of mine who is one of the most practical people I know is having this experience and it sort of surprised me to hear him having it – and then again, not all so surprised because behind his earthly practical logical side is a Huge Beautiful Light (which is why we are such good friends).
The sky is also very strange tonight. I was outside earlier putting the towel on the battery – 2 1/2 hours after sunset – and the sky was like twilight. I didn’t need a light to see the battery. It was also unusually warm ~ sweats and a tank top were all I needed. I took some pictures which I am linking below. I kneeled on the ground below our tree and aimed straight up into what I was seeing as a pink sky (facing south). My camera first showed pink but each time I took a picture, all that showed up was brightness.
So I feel “something in the air”.
My mate senses time suddenly sped up tonight. (I am just releasing this “brief” reflection is not really brief). I feel like I am on a roller coaster right now ~ the deeply programmed lashing out (unaware) – trying to grab – poke – and I keep riding on by.
Destination Home. Which still feels unknown.
Destination Unknown.
But I am (having to be) ok with that.
Love,
Victoria
UPDATE: Speaking of “something in the air” and “time speeding up” – just 6 minutes ago we had cloud cover and quite warm temps. Now? A sudden wind from the east pushed the clouds away and it is VERY cold. The moon also looks rather tilted. In the back of my mind I keep hearing “this is just a simulation”. I want to now know: WHO IS IN CHARGE.
a good song sharing how i am feeling now….
that bright area – is pink. (as i have said i have a basic little canon digital camera so you will just have to take my word)
5 minutes after the above picture was captured – this is how the sky now looks.
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