A check-in and some finds…………12.3.22

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this above – in all honesty – is what keeps me going – has kept me going.  but then i have a “today”.

i lost it.  just flat out lost it.  some things my mind just can’t process – not the way i once could and did and have – some for a very long time.  i need things to change and switch.  i need NEW.  i was up at around 4:30am – very agitated – woke up pounding the bed – not very considerate to do with my mate who is a light sleeper – so i got out of bed, got some water and sat on the couch and shifted it – focused on my connection with the divine – brought in as much as i could – returned to sleep in a nice state.

so i return to sleep – woke up – and life happened.  that happens when you don’t live alone.  everyone has their own stuff and behaviors.  and in time – i began to break down.  i couldn’t stop myself.  i tried.  but i lost it – before calming down and finding what left was and is of my center now.  and now?  i’m just taxed.  mentally spent.  i feel i have “earned” a reason now:  my frontal cortex has been severed due to the myriad of roles i play from trying to do as much “normal” in a toxic dysfunctional chaotic C R A Z Y as all get out world/system.  lately i’ve simply been falling off the “good job mama/spouse/human” train.

at this point other than engaging in clear communication, this girl taking a vacation is all i know to do.  brainstorming on that one atm…..of course i would need to be waited on.  lol  ok not really “lol” i am in serious need of TLC.  i don’t know if that’s possible – but perhaps just being ALONE – uninterrupted – for a time – is just what i ordered up and need.

i also know this is partly collective too.  ok – largely.  i’m seeing it in my own family.  i’m seeing it in others.  just when we think that DONE LET ME GO LET ME FREE can’t get more elevated – it does.  just when we think the DROP IT ALL WE ARE DONE SEEING THIS FUCHING SHEOT STEWPID INSULTING-TO-ANYONE-WITH-ANY-LEVEL-OF-AN-AWAKENED-CONSCIOUSNESS C R A P PLAY OUT – done with these alleged upgrades that do not seem to be happening – certainly not at the speed our minds need – just when the desire to just toss up the hands in one final swoop of FUCH IT and go off and hide and yes i mean HIDE until the storm has passed – just when we – i – think there are no more levels to this “game” – it happens.  i know the silence i feel from my tribe isn’t a reflection on me but a need to BE silent and left the FUCH alone because what NEW is there left to say???

i get it.  completely.

so surrender surrender surrender let it go let it go let it go………….be alone as much as possible………..solitude………..reconnect when in the right space – i think that is absolutely completely fully necessary now.

i only wish we had more room here to do that in the way that is needed.  the other night i was talking this out w/my mate – brainstorming.  “let’s get one of those plastic kiddie houses – put it out back – do something homemade for some insulation – get a battery powered heater and i’m good to go for some solitude”.  there HAVE to be ideas to get just another 1-2 more “rooms” to put here in the yard.  we have a large back yard and so space isn’t an issue.  it’s a sheot ton of $$ to have, you know, one of those real tiny homes so gotta be a “martha stewart type idea on a thrift store budget” plus this city has a kabillion ridiculous codes….. so any ideas – please let me know.

that’s all i got atm.  how is it feeling out there?  the energies?  i don’t know.  i’m sure there are things happening.  you will find those below.  but my attachment to them ain’t happening atm.  for now – i am tuned out on some classic John “THE MAN” Coltrane……..thank you all for your love and support you have shown me and continue to show.  please remember to share and donate what you can/feel drawn to.  i honor it and allow it into my experience.

love,

v.

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T is so behind this account………….

 

scrolled 20 minutes – still not seeing this release part 2 so moving on…………

 

he did a livestream about 5 hours ago…………saw he also dropped this:

Sharon Pasvant @memyselfi
 

“If I committed suicide, it is not real.” — Elon Musk, just now on Twitter Spaces

Protect
@elonmusk
at all costs, he is freeing the world.

 

What’s missing from the Twitter files: The truth about the FBI

The files on Twitter’s censorship of The Post’s Hunter Biden story were missing details of specific warnings we know the FBI made to Twitter about a Russian “hack and leak operation.”

https://nypost.com/2022/12/03/whats-missing-from-the-twitter-files-the-truth-about-the-fbi/

 

 

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That face……..lol

 

I recently had a dream of a Red Panda…………

 

https://www.zerohedge.com/covid-19/not-even-n95-masks-work-stop-covid

 

https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/1000-nytimes-employees-threaten-strike-next-week

 

https://www.zerohedge.com/political/major-web-browsers-drop-mysterious-authentication-company-after-ties-us-military

 

How this Calgary company is transforming empty offices into housing units  – Macleans.ca

“Frankly, we didn’t realize how beneficial these conversions would be until after we started”

https://www.macleans.ca/society/how-this-calgary-company-is-transforming-empty-offices-into-housing-units/

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Author: Victoria1111

Truthseeker. Philosopher. Commander of Freedom. Writer. Musician. Composer. Above all I Am A Creator.

6 thoughts on “A check-in and some finds…………12.3.22”

  2. Breaking down – loosely getting it together again – breaking down – a good day, or half, or two: “now we’re kinda good” – and again…
    And yes, needed solitude.

    Holding space.

  3. Yep, a BIG HUG, is winging its way to you, V.
    Much love and gratitude for your diligence and continued posts.
    You are so very appreciated.

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