was guided to look at the tv first thing this morning ~ saw the song playing (can’t find my way home)… later on at the park, i was going through my notebook and turned to a page from about a year ago – and i was in much the same state within as i am today. i firmly told myself – change it up if nothing out there is aligning with you. change up yourself, girl… because i will not continue to have this inner experience of waiting for this and waiting for that. nor will i continue to listen to those who say “be patient – it’s coming” (the “unfettered access”….the arrests….the collapse of the system….even the event…)
can’t find my way home. you know – a common theme for many of us. and yet acceptance is something i need to do. “somebody must change”. that “somebody” has to be me if i wish to have a different experience. while i (seem to) obviously have zero control over “getting” to this new earth-real earth realm – and wonder if it’s even “real” or if i am going to experience it in this life cycle – i need to change ME so that i do not continue along this path of emotional longing.
and number ONE: i NEED to find another means of increasing my income for my child’s friend just stopped in and asked if our girl wanted to go out to pizza with them and we had to say we just can’t afford it. the little friend asked why – her family does just fine in this regard – so a moment of discomfort.
this brings up a deep rage. if i am serving such a purpose – WTF is the Universe not rewarding me? and why can’t my regular readers toss a few dollars my way each month? that is not asking for too much – not given the amount of time and energy i spend at this each day. this breaks my heart and makes me question why i ever started this site. (for those handful of readers who do donate/contribute – this statement is not intended for you. i am in deep gratitude for your financial support! it took me awhile to allow myself to emotionally accept this support!)
time for new – even if “new” isn’t really what i envision for myself.
that is all for now.
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v.
Yes, it is all up to us to be the change. It will not be easy. But that is the deep down realization I have made the past two weeks. I will continue to Love, release attachments to outcomes and brings.
The “funny” thing is….if we are releasing and purging in order to move forward, isn’t that a perfect opportunity for a feeding frenzy on that release of old wounds? It doesn’t make sense to me, or is it the loop we are eternally caught in?
I should say something like “keep the light” or “it close” like WE were in 2012 but its end here. Thank you Victoria, for all you done. Latest of your thoughts were impuls for me to self-reflect myself:
https://spearoflight.blogspot.com/2018/09/fool-me-once-shame-on-you-fool-me-twice.html
Its like being in abusive relathionship, everyone wonder why your in one, yet you dont want to see its bad to you.
Its take a whole lot of courage to sometimes step down from path we walk for so long, invested so much in. Yet I done it once, when I “awakened”. Those who look for answers get them (or something like that) maybe I believed that those insider will serve them to me?! Liberation/Prison Dark/Light I will leave it here.
Im conciousness, that is everywhere, any time, and is everything, matter and not matter. Im pretending that focusing conciousness in one place make me an separete individual. Im pretending Im not you, and you pretend youre not me but were one same being. Everyone is me, and Im everyone.
thank you – checking out your piece. i’ve been having that same vision lately – a feeling now. it was long just a thought – one of those belief’s. we’re all one – not the same – but one. lately i began feeling that though – seeing it. so that concept is expanding within me.