An experience….

 

Before I share, I am still taking a step back – not really wanting to share much here as to the happenings until I see/sense/and or feel something of substance.  A shift forward.  “The Big Shew” as Sullivan would say.

I’ve spent the last couple of days really questioning the journey I have been on.  While I still remain solid in my feel of where I am, what happened to this place and the end result, everything else feels up in the air.  I realized I could accept that T was just another side of the same ugly coin.  I realized I could accept this agenda is going to keep moving forward and have begun doing some things to help prepare for that.  However, there was one thing I could NOT accept – I could not feeeeeel – and that was that John Kennedy (Jr) was a part of that club.  And I tried to “go there” and just couldn’t.  It would feel like the ultimate betrayal in a way – which is odd for someone I have never met.  I tried to work past that – be ok with it – but something in me just kept saying “NO – he is GOOD”.

So ok, whatever, I thought, and moved on.

So last night, my mate sees this video show up in our youtube feed (below).  You will see it’s a video of John Kennedy (Jr) – Everything Happens for a Reason.

“Did you put that in the queue?” my mate asks.

I look at the screen – said “nope”.

My mate then asks if I want to watch it.

“Not interested,” I said.

Flash forward just a little under 2o hours later when one of you happen to send me the same    flipping    video.

Yeah.

Ok.  Perhaps I do need to watch it, I thought.

So I did.

And while I cannot say woo hoo!! I am jumping back on the T/Plan train with full-on gusto again, I can say that I do feel a little more hopeful than I have in a few days.

And in this realm of absolute “cannot believe/grasp/understand it” crazy now, sometimes a bit of hope (not hopium) is enough to at least keep going, believing in yourself and what you – what I – hold close to the heart.

John F K,Jr ” Heat to the City ” Again . Everything Happens for a Reason !

 

What is also interesting – the above video shows John throughout New York City.  Last night I had the sudden heart-based urge to watch Arthur (early 80’s movie) – which as those who know the film know it takes place in NYC.  So I did.  It felt – comforting and connecting.

Other than that, I had a wonderful dream early this morning where I and my family had moved into a new house and were unpacking.  It was very big, dark chocolate brown stained wood, pitched roof, backed up into a forest of pine trees, only 2-3 other houses nearby.  I’m sitting outside next to the road when a puppy jumps into my lap (which is still pinging my heart as I type) – part terrier part springer.  Adorable.  She leans into me and I refer to her by our previous dogs name – out of habit.  Nope, I heard.  “I’m Lucky!”  Lucky, I thought.  What a perfect name.  I snuggled into her then the experience shifted and I’m walking her – she’s off to my left – purple harness and leash and I take her home.  There were boxes of books that I had begun to unpack next to the front door.  I could see inside the house – it was very well lit – and so big and spacious – huge, tall ceilings.  I sensed my daughter in her room unpacking and my mate doing his thing somewhere inside as well.  The energy of the place was fantastic.  I then woke up.  My daughter tells me later that morning that she had a dream we were in a new house with dark wood siding.

So.  Very.  Ready.

Love,