well considering i just spoke the words of the title to myself and it came out “bwief wefwection” – that is a good indicator of how tired and other-worldly i feel today. it is largely due to last night’s sleep. no one in this house slept well. i felt very agitated and could not sooth myself much less feel comfortable. we spoke with a couple other people (one nearby and another further away) who commented how awful they slept last night. in fits. finally at around 5am, i dosed up on another round of CBD oil, ate some noodles, drank some OJ and was able to sleep for a few hours.
my body also feels – weird. unusual pains. that could be due to grief showing up. we have been spending the last couple of days going through some of our grandpa d’s belongings to pick out things we want. this is a difficult thing to do and feels invasive – even though i know he would be fine with it. he was and is a very generous Soul. both my mate and i were having the same experience and we both heard “hell, help yourself” – which is exactly what he would have said. there was really just one tool of his i really wanted – and i looked for it for a good hour. it wasn’t until the end that i finally took a moment and asked him for some help. i was guided to look in an unusual spot – the linen closet – but there it was in the top drawer among some linens.
there is a sense of finality now which brings a sense of peace along with a very quiet but deep sadness.
that’s all for now. i am tossed between wanting to be alone in quiet – and watching something funny. as i would respond when i was a kid and asked to pick between two things: “i pick both!”
love,
victoria
Yup! Those I have spoken to, myself included, slept terribly last night (Wed. nite Jan 1 into2) Just confirming. Felt very and extremely busy and important. Cheers! J