A little stream of consciousness fifted from my mind earlier in the day…
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A little stream of consciousness fifted from my mind earlier in the day…
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Quieter today, which is interesting as I am feeling my heartache I have carried through this lifetime – and most likely all previous lifetimes after this manipulated “fall”. This realm is the hell we read about and those of us who remember Paradise (while in physical form) know it. Many of us have carried the thought and the feelings around “I want to go home” and many of us have been chastised for it, judged, told Home is always within when we KNOW it is much more than that. We are not little islands. Playing these games of illusion – which is what they are – games – not based on any Truth as to who we really are – are over for us. We know we can no longer participate. We know what we want and desire. The return of what was stolen, taken from us. There is no work to do other than to accept where we are, who we are and help one another heal until we break out of this false paradigm (which yes can be any moment now, right??!!).
I awoke this morning after having such a beautiful dream where I had followed something my heart longed for. The results in my feeling body were beautiful and open. At least I am thankful the wall of anger around my heart has opened again and the beauty of pain that comes through tears is felt.
I am Amazing. I only wish I had begun to remember/know that decades ago.
I skimmed a piece last night on being in the void ~ that space where nothing is going on. The space where one feels in between worlds, where one feels they have let go of old stuff and are waiting on something to come along.
In my go-to space of receiving higher stuff (my bathroom), today I received some info on that void space I feel I am in. And others too apparently. First to validate with a judgment – the experience sucks.
Ok, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I thought about my child. When we organize her room, I like to make more space. She will seem to enjoy the “more room” for awhile but then she wants to fill it up with more stuff. She does not get this from me – I like space and clutter can send me into a tizzy. Ok that’s interesting – as I typed the word “space” suddenly the words began to move on my screen as if in a wave formation.
Matrix glitching? GOOD! lol End it!
Anyway, so I thought about my little one and received insight that I am more like her than I realize. I do not like empty space in my mind. When I feel I have let something go and am ready to move on, I wanna move on. YESTERDAY. See Higher Self? See Universe? See this beautiful empty space I have created in my mind? In my life? Well come on let’s fill ‘er up again with some new experiences, people, thoughts.
Maybe part of transforming, part of “going on” is about BEING in that void. That space of emptiness. Nothing going on. Nothing new to look forward to. Nothing old to hold onto. Just pure BEING of absolute NOTHINGNESS. I have become used experiencing those moments of pure Being for moments here and there. But this is different. There is an empty feeling that I am not enjoying so much.
Ugh!
And so I own and embrace my resistance and follow my inner self which is saying the Schumann is today having a huge impact on me and my desire to DO is NIL. When I am honest, this past week, I have not wanted to socialize. Have not wanted new projects. My gathering with my Shaman did not work out for this weekend and inside I was relieved.
So that’s where I am. Typing this and sharing this was an effort so I am going to finish up and say, “until next time…”
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Victoria
p.s. ~ dinner ideas – quick and easy and healthy ~ are a bonus right now. What I wouldn’t give for a food replicator right about now…
I originally recorded this one in my digital voice recorder. A neighbor had a visitor, whom we know, and he heard me speaking. He asked what I was saying so I told him.
“What are you going to do then?” he asked.
“Leave,” I said.
“Go live in the woods?” he asked.
“Yes to the house I have seen for over 10 years.”
Ready for it.
And as I am now more ready than ever, having let go of so much, continuing to have zero interest in most if not all things in this realm, I wish to bid it all “farewell”. Want to sing with me? You can put it to the melody of So Long, Farewell from The Sound of Music.
So long.
Farewell.
To banks and corporate thieves.
To the church and public schools and mainstream media.
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo….doo doo doo doo doo do.
So long.
Farewell.
To spraying in our air.
To GMO’s. And fluoride. And nasty vaccines.
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo….doo doo doo doo doo do.
So long.
Farewell.
To paying to live.
To all those things that take away my freedom.
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo….doo doo doo doo doo do.
So long.
Farewell.
To wars and politicians.
To corruption. And lies. And all the pedophiles.
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo….doo doo doo doo doo do.
So long.
Farewell.
To nuclear crap.
To coal. To oil. To microwave tech.
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo….doo doo doo doo doo do.
The sun has shared her energies of truth.
I have prepared and embraced the new birthing Me.
So long.
Farewell.
Maybe see you all again…
Sometime…
Sometime…
Sometime….
good-bye……..
For Rick… [wp-svg-icons icon=”smiley” wrap=”i”]
I feel like this young girl does ~ bored. It’s an overall state of mind. Waiting on this “something” to “get going already” so I can “get on with things”. Making my own plans just feels unnatural, overall. Being in the flow isn’t enough any longer either.
I FEEL I am in this holding pattern, waiting to begin DOING. New. Different. It’s fall. All year I have felt “fall” for big changes – not just collectively but also for me as well.
I’m about ready to pitch a fit here. Well not a fit – that requires too much effort. But certainly go on strike perhaps. Hey Higher Self ~ guess what? I am tired of doing all the work. Tired of purging. Tired of accepting and allowing. Tired of healing myself. Tired of looking within. Tired of DOING. Tired of reminding myself to do all of the previous only to do the same thing all over again. I command the EZ button now.
This is all just boring for me. Too damn boring. Most everyone around me is still so indulged in 3D illusions and drama. Many of my friends are still so hung up on their disgust for the president, they cannot see anything else (where was this disgust for Bush?). Most everyone in my world wants to discuss the weather or what football team is on the tube or now “what are you doing for the holidays?” OMG DISAPPEAR??!!! so I don’t have to listen to another holiday jingle or be assaulted by red and green and ribbons and bows entering the store or to be asked if I am going to stuff an effing turkey this year……(and this makes me sad – i’m not the grinch – i love holidays and gatherings and eating good food – i just want something N E W)
I go to social places, hang out with people (because I need social interaction – duh – and yet…..) and OMG if I have to endure the “look” one more time when I attempt to talk about something I’m interested in, I may just spit. Oh so UFO’s aren’t real? NASA tells the truth? Weather modification is a myth? Ascension and paranormal experiences are too spooky to discuss? Climate change models are based on truth? Those trails in the skies are normal? Please, share more of your wisdom with me…rolling my eyes…
ARGH!!!!
Time’s up with me to try anymore with the masses. One individual tonight said they were headed home to watch Rachel Maddow. He knows I don’t like her and enjoys prodding me. I didn’t invite this conversation. He just tossed it my way. Today, instead of ignoring or feigning a laugh, I tossed back and said “Destroying more brain cells again, eh? Balance it out with a little Alex Jones” and walked away.
This used to be enjoyable in a way. It isn’t any more.
I am tired. I am tired of intending my tribe of people. Tired of intending the life I want. I can feel it, ok? I have felt it. I feel it daily in those moments when I am not so fucking bored I want to scream.
So get on with it already Higher Self, Source, Cosmos. You have sent me visions and dreams of this place I and my family are ready to jet on to. I have done the work. I am tired. And now you can add the boredom energy to the mix. Waving the white flag.
Let’s get on with it already.
Let’s get’er done.
My dream began where I was standing at an entrance, watching mass amounts of people running with Wolves. I was so intrigued and wanted to join in but felt hesitant. Suddenly I heard over my left shoulder “you can go now” and I immediately thought “I can’t keep up with these people and their wolves.” But I walked into the entrance and began to run.
And found it easy. Surprisingly easy. And liberating. Next thing I know I am running faster than everyone, the wolves running along with me. The joy and liberation I felt was huge, powerful, palpable.
As I rounded a curve, I saw where I would be exiting this experience. I was ready for it, or so I thought. Suddenly a lone White Wolf ran up to me, growling. As this happened a large, beautiful Native American man with long shiny black hair appeared off to my right. He felt very much like a Guardian/Protector. His warrior energy was palpable. As he put his hand on my back I said “Oh you are going to help me” and he said “No, you are doing this yourself. You are ready.”
You are ready.
Upon hearing those words, and upon feeling his hand on my back, I suddenly grew massive white wings and flew up and away from the danger I thought I was encountering. I looked at the growling white wolf as this happened and felt no fear. It had tried to catch hold of my left hand, which suddenly had a glove on it. It caught hold of a small piece of thread and I was easily able to release the wolf from its grips. Something though told me there was a message from White Wolf.
I flew away and made a peaceful, easy exit. I was left with a new feeling within of pure liberation and freedom ~ more solid and real and just absolutely awesome than any other time I have experienced in this human form.
After that experience, I went on to have a series of short dream experiences where I would enter a scene, see people from my past, observe what they were doing, bless them then move on.
It was then that I awoke, the beautiful feeling of pure freedom within. I felt light. Pure. I felt like ME. How I want to feel ALL THE FRIGGING TIME!
I believe the white wolf that approached me at the end of this journey was the part of me I am still afraid to show. My assertiveness. It’s easy in written words (most of the time). But when encountering others, in person, I tend to “hold my tongue” and keep it in.
That could explain the nausea I have been experiencing lately. And other life-long physical issues. No surprise for me in this message.
Life and Higher Wisdom brought me 2 encounters today to put this assertiveness in practice. The first one I wanted to simply say “none of your fucking business”. Yes, that is the first thing that comes to my mind. The nosiness of people at times in this realm appalls me. The question asked was one of my child’s home schooling for the day. Seriously ~ it is none of your fucking business. Are you paying for her material? Are you supporting this family or me in any way? Then stfu already.
I know, rude, right? There are ways to handle such situations without the rudeness. But that is a part of me within that has wanted to say those words to others countless times over the years: None of your fucking business.
Today, instead, I interrupted her as she was quizzing my child and said “We follow the model they hold in Finland, which has the best educational model, where curriculum is not introduced until the age of 8 which studies show overwhelmingly is the best age to begin such learning. Early childhood is for playing.” I smiled as her eyes widened and she said “oh, ok, well that’s great!”
The second encounter occurred with a dog owner and her dog that had run out of an open door, into the parking lot, scaring me and sending my child running to get into the car. We have had about half a dozen dog incidences this year with dogs, big and small, running after us, barking.
Not. Fucking. Cool.
So I was much more assertive this time, likely because I was feeling the anger and trauma of the previous experiences. I realized last night those dog encounters this year have left me with some trauma as last night on a walk, my girl and I heard a dog barking aggressively inside a house we walked by. Immediately my heart began to pound and my instinct was to run. A first. Dogs have NEVER freaked me out and this has me pretty upset, wanting to contact the owners of these dogs and tell them to pay up for some trauma release treatments. I already know my daughter has trauma around these episodes but I wasn’t aware I did as well. More shamanic work for both of us will be in order.
Anyway, so this time I turned to the owner and said “my daughter and I have issues with dogs that come charging after us, small or big. You see my girl? See how she has run inside the car? She’s afraid. Now I need you to pick up your dog and hold her so my child can get back out as we are not done shopping here.” The owner apologized, held her dog and my daughter and I ended up petting the dog, who as it turns out was friendly.
As I pointed out to the owner, WE don’t know your barking dog is friendly. You might but we don’t. Please consider that next time you let her just run loose.
Difficult for me to grasp some people are that stupid. Dog runs out barking, child runs and hides, owner just continues along their journey not noticing a damn thing. Yes, another part of Authentic Me coming out ~ which I can no longer deny.
The masses of humanity ~ just fucking S T U P I D.
Being a Spirit Being does not mean I am always carrying sparkles in my eyes and the “all is perfect” in a constant state. Not in this realm. Not at all. I have learned Pureness (White Wolf) also carries the energy of protection (Growling White Wolf) which can be soft and gentle or fierce depending upon the situation. Be real. Be Authentic! She was trying to communicate that message with me last night ~ and I have heard her wisdom.
As my dream experience and beautiful Guide (who could very well have been a version of Me) showed me: I have the Power Within. I am Grander than I own ~ than I left myself FEEL. And even though I much prefer not to, I can and will chew you a new one if you violate my boundaries. It is now time to walk that Pureness of Strength in my body, my mind and spoken word ~ and not just in the hands that type these words.
Also of interest (adding this in after the fact): yesterday, prior to having this dream, as I vacuumed, I suddenly had the thought “I wonder if I can grow wings out of my back” and had the image and feeling in my body of doing just that. Not taking it literally but given the dream experience I had, this confirms my knowing that I do have that ability to fly. Levitate.
That is all for now.
Much Love and Power~
Victoria
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merci pour votre don belle ame [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart” wrap=”i”]
(i figure if i am asking for support via a donation i may as well educate at the same time)
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Taking a break from reading all of this intel/truth being released to just chill and meditate on some of tonight’s sky artistry.
Emotions all over the place. Body feels so tense in certain spots. I stretched a lot today as I have the last few days. Many walks. At times quite intense. Big movements. Today I walked, swung my arms in large loops, lifted invisible weights and roared a few times. Took my child to one of the local parks and let her run around while I sat alone, kicked some wood chips and had such an intense deep cry, I drooled. And didn’t care who heard or saw. Ascension vomiting 101.
I have that technique mastered.
I feel my energy within wants to expand and BE FREE of any and all restrictions. It’s like I am deeply in the process of birthing my Real Self and she is pitching a fit in needing me to clean the internal house so she can have her own space. Some days, like today, it feels like I am twins in a womb, fighting for space.
My head does weird buzzing things. My bones hurt. Again, ZERO desire to be around any sort of conflict, loud noise, endless talking. Today I released the times I have been fake to myself. Put on the pretend show. I have done that for much of my life on a lot of areas, a lot of things, situations. Family feels unnatural to me. Anything “traditional” feels unnatural. It isn’t that I don’t love my family. I just need it to be something else. I would likely feel “better” about this if I felt I were truly walking my path of purpose. Certainly knowing I was with my tribe. Have I mentioned this reality authentically sucks to me? lol Today I feel so absolutely out of place ~ much like I do much of the time ~ but the effects today are DAYEM. A whole new level.
I was thinking about this realm, this reality. Today while I was in the bathroom, my woo woo message space, I felt/heard that the matrix is an overlay of multiple realities we are ALL creating, knowingly or unknowingly.
Well ok then, I thought. What am I supposed to do with that then?
Be absolutely meticulous on my thoughts ~ those focused thoughts. Can I really “create” my way into a whole different realm? My “version” of paradise?
Cause this isn’t it ~ obviously. It is painful to know within you have had different and now realize opting to come to this realm for this final showdown was perhaps a bit more of a challenge than originally “felt”. The curtain can fall any time now. I have no reason to wait. None. I am tired. Every damn day I am tired. I ground. I release. I rest and nap and sleep and eat well and all of that. And still I am tired and when in my deepest quietest moments, I want this experience over. Too many cycles and loops that end the same ~ leave the body and thinking ok NEXT cycle will be the liberation of our species. I am supposed to be doing something different. I have a restlessness that won’t go away. Even in my moments of “all is well”, that inner restlessness, which I began feeling almost 20 years ago, still remains.
I leave this one with no answers other than I want an end to ground hog day.
I had this dream last night which left me feeling I was entering another layer of the awakening onion.
It was simple enough. I was inside a large room with a large skylight for a roof. I was drawn to look up and outside. The sky was dark. I began to see these white lights coming through what seemed like cracks in the night sky. Suddenly it began to literally rain these various shapes of what I felt was titanium. “Those are the stars!” I yelled, then woke up.
Apparently there have been mysterious spheres falling from space that have stumped folks (supposedly) educated in these matters. I found some articles and a few videos. Here is a link to one video. I was then suddenly drawn to look into The Truman Show (a movie I have been drawn to watch lately, I might add). I watched it when it first came out – and while I had been questioning and awakening, this was years before I began to question the nature of our physical reality. There is a scene in the movie where a canister falls from the sky with the word “Sirius” written on it, which is said to be the brightest star in our sky (the stars are falling…). Truman (True Man) picks it up and this is what sparks his awakening to the fake reality in which he has been living, which includes a dome of fake stars, moon, even people.
Disclosure, the truth, has been all around us, often hidden in movies such as The Matrix and many others, The Truman Show being one of the big ones.
I don’t know what else to say about this other than I felt I tapped into another layer of truth.
As I swept out front this afternoon, I noticed a ladybug in my hair. I have been having them land on me since about mid-summer but they typically take off quickly. This one hung out with me. I spoke with her and continued to sweep. She stayed there for several minutes and I thought “get a picture”. Within moments of taking this picture, she had left. It was a beautiful experience. [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart” wrap=”i”]