Category: Daily Notes

 

For about 20 years or so I have intended for the kind of financial abundance that would enable me to call myself a “philanthropist”.  My idea has been simple ~ I hear of people in need of help due to financial reasons and I write them a check.  No questions asked (other than to make sure there are no abhorrent behaviors or addictions creating the situation).  No strings attached.

I know each of you reading this is fed up hearing this “hurry up and wait” crap the “intel providers” continue to spew, seemingly solely for ego intentions at this point: “lookit me lookit me – I and MY people have the financial answers for YOU – but you will just have to wait”.  Same message, repeated ad nauseum day after day, week after week, month after month.  You get the picture.

Yeah.

Too many have suffered for far too long.  Too much damn struggle while well-meaning but misguided people tell such folks the answer is to change their thoughts. Such individuals need to be telling those who created this deplorable economic system and who have profited tremendously off it it and us to employ new thoughts.

So I decided I can to my part in some way.  I created the new category “People Who Need Help”.  Brilliant title, eh?  lol  I like to keep things simple when I can.  Anyway, when I see/hear of someone in financial need, I will link it on that category.  It is my wish that you then turn around and share the story with people on your social media feeds and donate if so inclined.  We can even turn this into the “It only takes $1” campaign.  Enough people donating $1 can help tremendously – when the numbers are high.  I know myself at times when I have seen others in need, I feel like my ability to contribute just $1 or $5 or even $10 isn’t enough and it this has stopped me at times from donating.  But I have since changed my perspective and I know that the $1 or $5 I feel inspired to contribute has a lot of heart behind it and can lead to great abundance when shared with enough people who hold the same intention/perspective.

You know the saying.  Sometimes all it takes is one kind word to turn a person around.

And sometimes all it takes is a dollar.

Here is the link to the first “person in need” story in case you missed it.

Blessings of abundance and thanks ~

Victoria

 

 

 

I had a first-time experience today ~ I had no clue what day it was.

None.  Zero.  Zip.  Nada.

Thinking about it didn’t help.  I honestly didn’t know.

For the past year or so, off and on, I have been losing track of the day of the week.  Usually I can go by the feel if my thinking brain cannot figure it out.  Today, neither feeling nor thinking brought me the answer.

My daughter said it was Saturday.

My mate didn’t know the answer.

I thought back to this past week and was able to ascertain it’s Sunday.

And yet is it really?

Where are we?  What season are we in?

My body tells me we are aligning with new physical space/realms.

My body tells me we are headed into fall.  Each year when the seasons switch, my body (in particular my nose ~ I feel the pressure change ~ I know, it sounds weird but that is my radar) tells me when the new season is entering.  My body is saying “fall”.  Certainly the smell is in the air, the nights are very cool, nippy lately.  Leaves are changing on trees around here.

A quickening.  That’s what feels like happening.  After this lull of “time” seeming to proceed (at times painstakingly) slowly, I feel it speeding up again.  Speeding up, leading to the next leap of awakening.  This one is feeling like a big one.

Buckle up, let go and enjoy the ride.  And just Be.

♥♥♥

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Earlier today I caught myself both saying something and doing something that I suddenly knew did not come from my own creation, but rather what I copied from others.

YUCK!

This is a growing awareness of mine ~ seeing even further down the programming hole for myself.  The feeling is rather icky.  I can feel these energy tentacles attached to me, much like Neo when he was still living inside the pod.  It is sticky and heavy and I want all that off of and out of me.

I had a conversation with someone who is so deeply programmed, when they attempted to dissuade me to drop my questions over an issue, I saw how tightly the most programmed cling and how passive aggressive behavior is used as one of those tools to keep the awakening questions away from their safe zones.

I have been there myself, although overall not very often.  I have always had this need to question and understand – KNOW – everything.  I was just too afraid to, aloud that is.  You get hushed up enough when young and lack encouraging adults around you, life becomes a solo journey in the area of awakening.

I remember as I entered high school, I desperately wanted to and needed to challenge every single thing these teachers of mine were passing down as “fact”.  I wanted to rebel.  Break the shackles.  Why did I have to sit in some damn hard, wooden desk in a stuffy, smelly room and be told I had to memorize (false) history dates, play sports I had no interest in, and learn how to cut open frogs.  Eat the crappy cafeteria food.  Have to tolerate the clicks, the gossip and the drama.  My adviser told me I would go much farther in life if I took more math and less writing (my passion).

Good thing I didn’t listen to the little twerp.  Talk about programmed.  All I wanted to do was cut class, be free, smoke a little grass and talk all things philosophical.  Which I ended up doing, most of the time, solo. I learned early to have solo conversations with myself, hence to this day I deeply love my own company.  A real gift given much of what I hear from others is how they fear being alone.  They always want someone around them.  Claustrophobic nightmare for me.

Which leads me to my next issue ~ the ongoing growing awareness of the pain of Separation.  I was writing about this a few days ago.  How do I fill up what feels like a hole?  Something missing.

Money won’t do it.

Connecting with others is never permanent.

And being of service to others isn’t the answer either.

Everything authentic comes from within.

It’s a paradox it seems that I can love my time to myself while still longing to “fill something up” within.  And that within space is about as deep of a layer as I feel I have.

My insight at this time is as I continue to Remember I will continue to feel the authenticity that is Me.  And remembering requires me to feel and release and heal the pain and rage I have gathered over the eons in what has been an experience in separation, which some say was a controlled agenda and others, purely one we willingly chose.

I’m sure by now most of my readers know which theory I feel is true.

That’s all for now.

 

 

 

I dedicate this one to my mate…

***

I have read numerous times lately that people are tired of experiencing “Groundhog Day”.  This feeling that nothing changes in spite of people’s intentions and focus on healing, ascending, transforming out of this reality.

My mate says the same words ~ and he doesn’t read the things that I do so he obviously tuned into that collective feeling and thought of “when is this gonna end??!!”

I read another piece on incoming energies and the ascension process and what this group of energies are doing to our bodies.  I have been following such intel for about 2 years now.  However I am reading comments by people saying they have been reading this information for 5, 6 years or more.

And here we still are.  People are starting to ask questions.  Frustrations are being shared.

I do believe things are playing out on a certain “timeline” for lack of a better term.  Kind of like the game of dominoes.  Stack them all up in a pattern then push one to get things going.  They don’t all fall at once. They fall one-at-a-time.  (I sure hope that explains my theory.)

As I continue to state (and feel deeply), I do not believe we must be fully healed and at this state of “perfection” in order to reside in the New Earth frequencies.  We keep being told to stand on our own, heal ourselves ~ that we have this power if we can Remember.

I am intending that I remember Who I Am daily.  I know many of you are as well.

And I am also intending for this cosmic flash (it is something beyond the solar system, imho) to come in which I feel, which I have seen, will allow us to Remember.  Fully.  At first I “feel” it starts off as a feeling.  Like the mask coming off (great metaphor for this is one of the final scenes of The Last Mimzy when the humans remove their masks and walk into the light together ~ and yes it does happen in a flash ~ and there is a look of confusion in their eyes and on their faces ~ but they intuitively know what to do).

I read over and over again where we fell.  I like to say we were pushed. Without going into the semantics of that, let’s just say this:  We are not doing this experience alone.  Love is grander than that.  Supportive for certain.

We need this energy event.  NOW.

We are already receiving assistance with these smaller events.

Obviously not all are awakening or showing signs of awakening.  Most everyone in my daily living would say they were not familiar with the concepts of ascension (taking place now) or this cosmic flash/event.

Nonetheless, I feel all will be affected.  What happens after that will depend upon what one chooses.

I feel there are a variety of energetic realms within this New Earth frequency.  No doors will be closed.  All will be open.  Where we reside though will be completely based on our vibrational resonance.  Which means ALL ARE FREED from this separation experience.

I realize I may have gotten a little off track here.  I see this as the most loving parents welcoming ALL of their children ~ all of their creations ~ into their loving energy space, regardless of whether all of their creations are at their caliber, regardless of who they are or what they are.  It is the intention that counts.  And if one intends from the heart to return to Source Self and Remember and Heal, that is what matters.

Speaking as a parent, I cannot imagine doing anything but that for my child.

(I need to add I do not see the relationship we have with Source as a parent/child relationship.  I am of course still feeling out just what the relationship IS and Who/What Source is and how does it manifest within Me as Higher Self.  I am using the analogy of the level of love I have for my child and how I see her as absolutely equal to me in terms of worth and value and how I welcome her anytime she wishes my presence and comfort and Home.  If she got lost, regardless of circumstances, I would do all I could to end the separation.  I also realize too that the level of Love I have for my child still falls short of the Love of Source.  But that’s ok. Like the rest of you, I am still awakening and remembering.)

So back to this groundhog day experience.

Just like the movie itself with Bill Murray, it is his new perspective on himself and those around him that got him out of that experience.  Did he need this experience to awaken him?  It seems that way, yes.  And when he knew he was ready to end the experience, when he felt it in that state of absolute calm knowing, it indeed ended.

I think there’s a little metaphor of truth in there with that one.

Let us intend it is over.  Say it outloud.  Continue to say this until you feel it at every level of your being.

My experience of feeling like nothing changes is OVER.  In this now moment it is DONE.

I accept myself as I am NOW.  I accept others as they are NOW.

I now embrace this next stage, this next step in my evolution.

I now embrace and accept with gratitude the cosmic flash that will provide me with the Remembering and Healing we are ALL seeking.

Thank you.  It is done.

(or as my mate says, “make it so”)

♥♥♥

 

 

 

I was all set to post a piece on some additional challenges I faced this week.  But I hesitated.  Why do that?  Why make that the focus?

Why not instead present myself as the Healed Woman I am creating instead of just the pained woman?

I pondered that as I did the dishes.  I then began asking my Higher Self some questions, which included asking her why she didn’t speak to me earlier in the day regarding a situation I ended up wasting almost two hours of my time on.  Without going into much detail, I thought my local co-op had been ripping me off, not giving me my fair owner day discount. I checked my figures three times on the receipt and concurred there had indeed been an error.  This particular co-op has gone very corporate in the past couple of years so the original spirit of a community-owned store is almost non-existent and it’s sad.  I’ve been shopping there for 20 years.

Anyway, upon visiting the store again I was told that owner day discounts do not apply to sales items.  A policy created awhile ago. I as an owner had not been informed of this.  (As I said, it’s a corporate environment now.)

So while my math was spot-on, I had not taken into account all of the items I bought on sale, thus throwing off the discount.

Ok Higher Self, I said, hands in soapy water, Why didn’t you notify me of this error?  I wasted a fair bit of time on this when I could have been doing something enjoyable.

She spoke.  Here is what she said (translating feeling energies into words as best as I can):  “I would have but you would not have heard me, so I simply observed.  You were wrapped up in your head.  I speak to you through your heart space and as you sat there, grumbling and punching in numbers, going on about corporate this and corporate that and money this and money that, even if I were to of spoken, you would not have heard my voice.”

Talk about taking my ego down a few notches.

You’re right, I said matter-of-factly.

And earlier in the day I had received an e-mail on being in the heart-space.  As much as we can.  Good reminders.

This week I was not very much in my heart-space.  Some of my social visits were a challenge with one being particularly painful.  When I feel I am not able to make an emotional connection with someone or feel judged or put aside, my heart shuts down and out come the chattering monkey’s with their judgments.

So as I pondered both what my Higher Self spoke and on the words of the e-mail, I took a deep breath.  How can I change this?  Hmmm….

How about we do something different, I told myself.  How about when we do have such a situation arise with another, instead of focusing on the critical thoughts and stories, we find just ONE positive trait about the person.  Put the energy into that activity instead.

Well now, that could work.

So tonight as I headed out, my heart was softer again, more open.  I ran into a neighbor who, much like my own family, is struggling financially. We commiserated for a bit, not to just gripe but to really share our pain. We spoke of how draining it can be to wonder how am I going to make it through this month?  We spoke of the inequalities in wealth distribution and why on earth if this system has forced us into boxes saying “you make this amount and you make that amount” ~ but then says we must all pay the same price goods and services.  (I have never understood that one ~ although I could say I do today given I know the system has done this intentionally to make those who do struggle the most to add in that extra sense of guilt, shame and embarrassment while feeding the rugged individualist’s equally programmed thoughts of how “better” they are than those at the bottom.  Such a waste of time – all of it!)

So….We left one another, each sending the other a blessing of love and abundance, from the heart.  It was a beautiful exchange.

I sensed the energy shifting again ~ all due to my own change in self-talk and perception.  I felt that if I hadn’t shifted my perception earlier, I would not have had this encounter and exchange with my girlfriend.

After I arrived home, I noticed a text from another friend, saying she had been thinking of me and how much she appreciated my compassion and loyalty.

Well that put up my heart energies another few notches and I wept as I read her words, writing her back, thanking her, telling her what her words meant to me.

All of these episodes of pain and the stories we tell ourselves about them…

Brings out both pain and laughter in me.

Mostly though, to be honest, I am most grateful for my ego who surrendered to listen to the wisdom of Higher Self.  And for the idea some other part of me presented as a means of alleviating the pain I experience when being in a challenging/conflicting situation:  Find One Thing Positive about the person.

Even if it’s just “they have nice teeth”.  lol

It is the energy that matters.  The focus in finding something positive – moves me higher up the vibe frequency scale.  Serves myself.  And serves the other (whether they know it or not).

And isn’t that what Higher Consciousness Being is about?

Blessings to you all and to all of the pieces that make up who you are.  ♥

Victoria

***

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Today I had the experience again of feeling the pain of separation.  I’ve been wondering “just what is this Source energy?”  Can I define it or is it just something to feel.  I sigh and release as I say “I could really use some help in feeling this connection”.

I thought of the movie Contact where Ellie has met the other dimensional being (disguised as her dad to make her feel safe), who tells her “the only thing we know that makes the loneliness bearable is each other.”  That scene always moves me.

Who of us does feel totally plugged in?  I have had several moments that began back in 2005/2006.  Lately I am having them more.  I am taking that as a good sign that I am tuning in more.  Then I have moments like today where I feel this big “hole” inside my chest.  And wow – is that a painful hole to feel.  But feel I did today, standing in front of the mirror, hand on my heart, breathing slow and deep, telling myself it is ok to feel this pain.

Part of me said “no push it away I am not going there – too painful” but I gently pushed on and said “feel – I am safe.  I am not alone.  It’s ok.”

Crying and a release of energy followed, allowing me to breath normally again.  I was about ready to hyperventilate.

I began to ponder something I hear others say – of which I am hearing quite a bit lately:  Find your bliss, do it and the money will follow.

I then heard *that* part of me say “what brings you joy?”

What brings me bliss?

Hmmm.  I had some more time on my hands.  Child was outside playing with chalk so grabbing pad and pen, I headed outside to dig deeper into this question that has been arising lately.

I thought back to childhood.  What brought me joy back then?  Bliss?

Hmmm…

Writing?  Adventure and fun, yes but joy?  Not quite.

Playing the piano?  See above.

I kept coming back to the image of me being on my bike.  I am normally a very cautious person ~ but put me on a bike and I morph back into a 7 year old girl.  I (attempt to these days) do wheelies.  Jump off curves.  Ride with my legs spread out.  Pedal as fast as I can to get a great speed going. Maneuver in and out of obstacles, both real and imagined.

I was the same as a child ~ only back then we wore no helmets.  I remember being the first girl in our neighborhood who went over the all-boys bike ramp.  They refused to let me ride on it – so I waited until the boys were inside and then I had my own good time.

So I said ok I can’t really make a financial living doing this.  What is it about the experience of bike riding I loved?

The freedom.

The adrenaline rush of the speed.

Feeling the wind in my face.

Going so fast I was convinced I could fly.

But mostly – the absolute freedom.  To just be One with Nature.  One with the wind.  It is such a divine connection.  Put me on a bike and my heart smiles ~ especially when I bike alone.  Oh wow – nothing like it!

So perhaps it is a calling to get on my bike more than I do now – alone. Perhaps during this experience of being in the blissful state of NOW, more answers will come to me on this particular issue I am so ready to bury. Or heck, maybe I’ll gather older people, get them back on their bikes and take ’em on rides.  Create a class around that.  Rediscovering the inner child ~ on wheels.  Who knows!

Much peace and blessings to we the warriors as we continue along our experiences of remembering and healing.  ♥

Victoria

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I feel very much like this image below today.  It’s been growing for awhile. Some of those same issues returning.  I am truly at a loss as to what to do about some of them.

I look at the biggest challenges facing my family – all of them solvable with money.

God, I can’t type that word anymore – not with the “victim” energy that is.

But it is the truth.  Like it or not.  MONEY RULES.

One can intend.  One can be in joy.  One can be in kindness.  In authenticity.  At the end of the day, money still dictates this reality.

And this girl can’t stomach it.  Today I push it away and say “NOT WELCOME”.  For far too long I have faced it head-on.  Took chances. Thought outside of the box.  Oh wow – been doing that for the past 15 years when an astrologer friend of mine told me the old way was dying and when it came to manifesting an income, I had to think outside of the box.  So I have.  And it has not worked out the way I have intended.

So today all I know how to say is say NO.  It is not mine.

Not today.  Not tomorrow.

Not any longer.