Category: Daily Notes

Taking a recovery break…🥱

Noticing the donation (stripe) is still giving some of you problems.

I now have cash-app.  All you need is my phone number and easy peasy.  Let me know if any of you want to use that option instead and I’ll pass along my ##.

💖

Victoria

p.s. – back and forth continues.  8 years of this.  my focus is on NEW.  many talking about going back to this period of time, romanticizing how great it was then – especially the talk about GenX how great we had it.  total lie.  sure i drank out of a garden hose (so did my girl) and i stayed out until the sun went down (my girl has done this and would more if other parents didn’t occupy their children with constant activities or let them hide out in their rooms on their devices)….but other than that?  it sucked.  forced to go to indoctrination facilities.  jabbed.  bullied.  watched teachers date students and paddle kids (who were otherwise by today’s standards autistic therefore they couldn’t help their outbursts).  had more than one “perv” teacher.  everything stemming from the 1950’s “sweep it all under the rug” with emotions and personal issues and pointing OUT issues not allowed to be discussed.

so me?  i want NEW.  NEW way of being that aligns with Who I Am in every way.  NEW NEW NEW and NEW.

For the 5 people who will either come here to read it or be allowed to read it (shadow-banned big time now), I will share another Trump dream I had.  He was dressed in midnight blue.  There was a group of us in a living room.  I walked into the kitchen, he followed, showing me the band around an ankle sock.  Strange, I know.  The number 200 appeared on it.  I noticed, walked away, returned moments later, Trump again by my side observing, and the numbers 45-47 appeared next to the 200.

“Hmm,” I said, “that can happen with time travel, when you insert something new into the timeline.”

He nodded and smiled.

Then things switched and I noticed electrical glitches in the kitchen.  I go outside – it’s dark – streets are wet (reminded me of the end scene in Back to the Future) and I get on my homemade version of a hoverboard and start flying down a street.  I notice another person – male – in front of me doing the same.  Looking around I notice more electrical glitches.  As I tell myself “This is how we do it”, I stopped, and the dream ended.

Interesting experience.  45-47 is of course the terms Trump is serving.  I also looked up Q post 200, 245, 246 & 247:

200 – interesting 11.22 date….They have their hand$ in all sorts of projectS including twitter, playboy   🤢   and space X…………

Ok…. screw trying to screenshot – that isn’t working so copy and paste it is.  This one is interesting – zip code for Henderson, NV.  Area 51ish anyone?

So here’s what I am not allowed to discuss in certain groups and platforms:

1.  Funding.  A group that is focused on helping women when many women are in need of money to help – but we cannot talk about that.
2. Apparently my work – on X – when I share it – a porn bot likes it.  I asked Grok why this happens and essentially was told it’s a way to shadow ban.

I get on this thing some days now and think “why bother?”  I get told to keep writing.  Why?  Share my music.  Why?  Where’s the equal energy exchange the new agers love to talk about?  Because I sure am not getting that.  And yet I don’t know what else to do.  God knows I’ve lamented enough about applying for WFM positions and how limited I am in that (no paypal, no dedicated quiet workspace).  I promote and promote and see that going absolutely nowhere these days.

There are growing numbers of us maxed out on debt, unable to pay the basics, totally helpless over the fact that food prices and utilities go up.  All of my expenses went up in January – including insurance.  People can only take so much.

And me?

Well, I decided to look into being an Instacart shopper.  It’s the only thing coming in new to my mind and I like to grocery shop and like the idea that I can PICK the times I shop and the delivery locations (driving issues).  I sign up – then find out there’s a wait list to become a shopper!!!

Really??!!!

Where have I heard that before?  (housing!)

So I sign up with Uber and get this message – I’m just going to share it here because………………

😠😩

For those of you who have been with me the past 8.5 years, the beginning of this little website, you are probably familiar with the piece I wrote back then – Thoughts Of A Weary Starseed Human.  At the time I was engaged in a moment of pure stream of consciousness writing, having no clue where I would take my work much less if anyone would relate to my words.  I took a chance, sent it off to Gregg Prescott at IN5D who agreed to publish it.  I was literally amazed at the number of people who read it and commented.  Literally hundreds of people chimed in, sharing how deeply they resonated with the words.  I connected with many people back then and remain in touch with several of you.  🥰

I’ve added a couple of thoughts to that original piece over the years and it was my daughter who encouraged me to write a part 2 – an update.  I thought about it and figured sure, why not.

So here I am.

An update.

Where am I today as compared to back then.

I’m going to be honest and say I haven’t read the original piece linked above.  I don’t want to.  It would be too painful for me to see not only how I felt back then, but how naive I was as well.  O M G how naive.  I was so trusting of what I felt back then, having little – if any – clue as to the complexities of this reality and especially this war – especially the invisible war.  It ain’t a game.  Simulated reality or not – whatever has been going on has been felt and felt hard.

I’ve also dropped the “starseed” term – for that feels like it was just a buzz word to describe “who the hell am i where in the hell am i and how did i get here and how do i get out?”  I Am Me – no clue where I came from or how I got here or even what my purpose is – still wondering how I get out – but not much invested in that as I was back then.  Not. even. close.

I had no clue that this would have played out *this* long without the change I needed for myself back then – and today as well.  No clue that much of what I thought were messages from *home* was really just matrix b.s. – programs – entities who were NOT my friend – to loosh me.

I had no clue how energetically tired I would become.  How angry.  No CLUE how expensive it would become here. (!!!)  No clue we would experience global imprisonments “lockdowns”, the insanity around that and how. many. “people”. fell. for. it.

I had no clue how trapped I would grow to feel – especially now – where that trapped feeling is at a new level – waking me up far too often – requiring me to self-soothe – which happened again last night – where I finally surrendered telling myself, “i can’t do anything about this ongoing feeling – it is as it is for I Am As I Am”.

Stuck in a frequency that doesn’t align.

Stuck in a reality that doesn’t align.

No matter what I tell myself otherwise.

And given we’ve been lied to about everything – the last person who should be lying to that still voice inside is me.

The Inner ME – what little OF Me is actually here – doesn’t lie.

So today she is less weary – and more just resigned.

Whatever connection with others – with a Home – outside – pretty burned out with that one – feeling it was also another matrix loosh lie or whoever was out there was removed or killed in war.  A fairly new sense to consider – for myself – is what I really seek is that future version of me.

At the end of the day, it’s just Me.

And with that resignation I mentioned above is a knowing – a knowing that is at a new level – that who I am is OK AS I AM.  Regardless of how that looks.

For NOTHING can take that.

NOTHING can destroy that.

It can only temporarily delay that reconnection that Me within continues to seek.

💖

Victoria