I don’t know where this one will go…..just what is flowing out of me atm…

I was reflecting on my girl – who has had more than her share of bully behavior in her young years.  Middle school kids can be horrible – especially when they are the by-product of being in the system of 7 hour a day schooling system(s) – little time with their parents in what are otherwise HIGHLY formative years – especially for socialization.  It is a free-for-all as any of us know from our own public schooling.  And some of us are just born more sensitive and conscientious.  I swear some come into this matrix just downright cruel.  Programmed to bully and control.

As I was reflecting on her experiences – this lead me to my own experiences – and how during those middle school years – I spent much of my time alone in my bedroom.  By the time I was in high school, I was jaded and traumatized with a pretty big chip on my shoulder that has shrunk and then regrown over the years.  Trusting others with my heart – how do we ever do that in this prison?

Recently the woman I see for trauma release told me I “share too much” of myself with others.  I gave her a look – as in “you don’t know me and you certainly do not know what you are talking about”.  We discussed it further and she is more of the type (generational thing) to keep real topics off the table whereas that is not who I am.  However, I do take things slowly with others upon first meeting them.  I am an open box – that opens slowly.

But apparently that is considered “my doing” when I get hurt because I share something that is “too much openness”.

I laugh at that in a way for I know that outside of this prison we are OPEN. There is no FEAR in sharing our Truth like there is here.  Those who have been attracted to me – and stick around – appreciate my authenticity.  And I appreciate them just as much.

So I am putting that out there for my girl to find that – in person – the same I am for myself.

I reflect on something someone said last night – about trauma – about how some are more traumatized/harmed than others.  She spoke of how we are to carry those who cannot carry themselves.  At least help carry them. During this time of battle – the term “Warrior” looks different for every one of us.  If we are to be Pure Authentic Heart-Based Souls – we drop the rugged individualism and judgment and meet from our Hearts – where we are NOW.  

And me NOW continues to roar but I also know how tired and wounded I am. It is wearing to be Me in here.  Period.  Each day feels more “taxing” at this stage of whatever it is we are in.

And I know I am not alone in that reflection of Truth.

But like always, I continue to roar when I need to.  I’m just now weary of having to roar when all I desire to do is play and be this.

Love,

Victoria

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Perhaps we are getting more “control” over these experiences in that astral world…??

Last night I had a dream where I saw clouds falling – in front of the sun.  It all began with me being at some party where I felt absolutely out of place so I announced “I’m outta here” and as I left, some unknown male (who I have seen in the astral several times over the last 3 years or so) accompanied me – wanting to help.  I located a nice ranch house – abandoned – walked inside and found a nice room – which was circular – fireplace in the center.  Off to the right of the fireplace was a window overlooking the trees.  A couch faced the fireplace and window so I plopped down and enjoyed the silence.  This male person sat down off to my left and was quiet.  “This is nice,” I said.

But then – swarms of people – young and old – entered the room from all directions.  “NOOOOO!” I said – locating a tiffany blue parasol (manifesting I should say) – putting it over my head, trying to hide from them.

Didn’t work.  So I got off the couch and asked for everyone’s attention – stating this was MY space and they needed to leave.  This was ineffective as well.  So I said “forget this” and pulled myself out – and landed back here – to my current home – in the same location as where I was in my dream the other night where I saw the sun explode.

I picked out an outfit – something similar to the 80’s.  I had my hair in a big, wild ponytail – tank top with a drapey shirt – cut off shorts – and these really funky black boots – Doc Martin style – only they came up to my calf (I am on the lookout for something similar – I’ve wanted a pair like that since high school).  I walked into the kitchen – looked west out the window.  My mate walks in with a tie dye tank and shorts – hair all styled straight out of the 80’s – and asks if I was “ready to party?”.  I laughed and said “Aren’t you going to get cold?  It isn’t that warm outside.”  “Nah,” he said.  I looked back out the kitchen window – and watched the sun setting.  It was beautiful – colors of deep orange and pinks/magenta’s.  Suddenly this mile-long (or so) band of clouds fell slowly from the sky.  The dream ended – but not before I glanced down at my boots again and thought “wow – these are really cool boots – I can’t believe I own a pair”.

This was – again – another experience that  my entire body felt.  It was very visceral – and like the dream from 2 nights ago – that feeling is still felt within.  I am not sure what this 80’s theme is about other than the age I am desiring to be/feel again happened during the 80’s.  And I was listening to a song on the radio yesterday – Turn Up The Radio (Autograph – check it out here if you aren’t familiar – it was a favorite of mine as a teen – I saw them in concert just to hear this song.  lol)  There are some interesting futuristic tidbits in the video too – including instant manifestation via portal type energies.  The robot stuff – I can leave that.  This just feels like that part of me wanting to feel ALIVE and YOUNG again.

Now here’s something even more interesting to add to the dream(s) from above:  I heard from a friend last night who had a dream a few nights ago that the sun melted.

I feel that quickening now.  It is upon us.

One last thing – I woke up hearing The Battle of New Orleans.  Then just as I’m in the kitchen a minute ago to heat up my lunch, he begins singing – well – I will let you guess:

NO JOKE.  !!!

That’s all for now, friends.  Finds dropped later.

Love,

Victoria

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I am feeling quiet – within.  My mind is quiet.  Calm.  Neutral. Heart open. It’s a very nice space to be in.

I have been watching a lot of Little House on the Prairie episodes lately.  My heart is in need of that kind of community – and that element of Purity too. I learned to become “tough” and developed sarcasm – both just tools to keep myself from being crushed here.  Have they been useful?  At times yes – and yet just because something is a tool does not imply it can’t also harm with its use – either self or others.

Tonight I watched the episode Harriet’s Happenings.  One of Harriet’s distant relatives landed in Walnut Grove and opened up a Newspaper/Publishing outlet.  Harriet self appointed herself to run a column – Harriet’s Happenings.  If anyone is familiar with this tv series, you know she needs some work in “human relations”.  The column turned into a column of lies – petty gossip laced with just enough lies to paint a totally false image of another.  This lead to harm and pain among many in the community.  The Publisher simply said this was the nature of Journalism and “Freedom” of the Press.

Well naturally the moral of this episode was Freedom of the Press is not the same as Fake News (yellow journalism).  I listened to Michael Landon give a beautiful speech (as Pa) at the end – in front of the congregation at Church. Every person who gave that paper their energy – through buying it – through reading it – was only serving to continue the harm.  All who participated were accountable – responsible.

I was crying at the end – not just because of the words spoken by the character of Pa – but because of who we are today.  Yellow Journalism is everywhere – even in the alternative press and truther outlets.  Heck, I’ve engaged in it here when I have laughed at some of the political figures – when I have disagreed with someone and called them out – publicly.

This is not the kind of person I aspire to be – nor is it the kind of world/experience in which I want to be a part of.

Integrity.

I hear the phrases:  Is it true?  Is it kind?

Then don’t say it.

Truth can be told in a way that doesn’t insult another or harm another. Spoken correctly and with pure Consciousness, truth can expose the hidden/harmful behavior of others all on its own without having to resort to “lesser than” tactics.

So tonight I think about the word and mud slinging going on atm.  The poking and joking.  Yes, it’s funny – for a moment.  Sometimes.  But does it serve a positive purpose?

Perhaps another “red pill” to chew on for awhile.  How do I want to be a part of this Awakening movement, at this moment, in a way that reflects dignity and honor and respect in the search for and expression of Truth?  

Going forward, that is what I carry in my heart and mind.

Love,

Victoria