I was outside for awhile today, cleaning up fallen sticks, limbs, pine cones and small tree branches from the last two days of storms. Nothing unusual but these packed a wallop. Thought we were going to lose power a few times. 60 mph gusts don’t mess around. Still dealing with this lingering virus – seems most everyone around here had it or has it and all say the same thing: it lingers. So I’m out front cleaning up wishing I had the $$ like the elite to hire someone to do this so I could be inside resting. 🥱 Instead, matrix 3d duties call – laundry, spending money I don’t have to get another round of food for the week and cleaning up. The temporary fix for the car only held so long and now we have water in the back floorboard. 😠 At least we have a wet dry vac but I’m far too tired to deal with that today just as I am far too exhausted to seal those strips in w/the sealant I bought.
On top of this I didn’t sleep last night – yet again. Mental b.s. that I could not turn off or switch no matter what I did so I just lay there and let myself be – shaking.
Prayers to be answered at some point, right? That includes some protection. Jesus, what and/or who IS here to help us with this?
For now it’s doing what I can – speaking my mind – asking for what I need and dismissing and removing all other “speak” that doesn’t respect what it is I say I need. I started reading Melania’s book – so far pretty damn disappointed. Totally PC. Just another person who had an amazing supportive family and was able to make it big in the world OF those who have. I’m not even convinced she wrote it. Energy is not something I would expect of the REAL M. She states her priorities are children and women. I’m not seeing that show up. I’ve written her – several times – sharing my ideas, my story, even asking for some support. I realize she’s busy of course – but I’m the type to go “straight to the top”. And I am simply not seeing women and children being prioritized. At. All.
In this simulated clown world of bullshit where we’re told to trust the plan and moves and countermoves and after all of these years NONE OF THAT has actually produced something TRULY positive and HELPFUL for all in NEED (you know – the whole “this is MY life MY experience I get to dictate and create WHAT I NEED”) – at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s all a joke – psyop indeed but not for us but rather ON us. Those who have family support systems in place – you are blessed. Some of us are on our own.
And it f’ing SUCKS. So my face is grumpy these days even though my spirit is alive and fighting, still trying to get SOMETHING positive moving for me. Just worn out from doing it alone. I still need an advocate helping me and speaking out on my behalf getting me the help and resources I need. My healer sucks at this – you’d think someone in that field would KNOW people who could help me. I know this: I am burned the f’ing hell out being told “I don’t know” or “I can’t help you”.
Gotta go – laundry calls.
💖😩
V.
