i’m quite tired and reflective tonight. i awoke feeling, again, agitated, restless. there was also a depressed feeling. i sat with this for awhile, went within and had some emotional release. i felt rather like a young child for awhile and at first i began to judge myself. thankfully i had, in recent days, read of a woman’s experience where she said she was quite embarrassed with the emotional purging that was coming out ~ as though she was a small child. a similar experience was shared by a male who said he was suddenly acting out like a 15 year old.
i took clues from a dream i had last night and later in the day, had some old stuff come out in regards to being around people who drink alcohol. i have known since i was a child alcohol was poison. it changes a person. it also allows one to be open to interference of the toxic/harmful energetic kind. as a child i would witness this and it frightened me – now i see, rightfully so. i see no purpose in the consumption of alcohol and i will be glad to be in a realm where it isn’t consumed. i know this is a highly unpopular opinion but it is a life long feel i have. perhaps drinks that taste like alcoholic beverages without the poison. anyway, some emotions came up with this – mostly sadness, some anger too and how i was left alone with alcoholics as a child. even though i drank my fair share in high school and college, by the time i was in my mid to late 20’s, i had more or less given it up. i recall hanging out with friends, being the only one who wasn’t drinking. it’s a lonely experience. and uncomfortable for again, i just didn’t feel “safe” being around people, even friends, who would change their personality only to revert back to their sober selves the next day. i was with someone at the time who would become very open and affectionate and it bothered me. of course i was labeled the one with the problem. friends would say take advantage of it.
game playing. i learned to do it but i never once enjoyed it. fake fake fake
anyway so a lot of purging and FRIGGING FRACK i am weary now with purging. i hesitated sharing the above experiences because i am so ready to be DONE with this. tired of this stuff coming up. tired of talking about it. blah blah blah SIGH………..lol groundhog purging… it was some comfort to me to listen to linea’s latest where she too speaks of purging. i will link it in a bit. she mentions the major purging she is undergoing especially today and how weary she is of purging and of the word. yessssss…
i also headed out for an afternoon bike ride with my girl. i had decided yesterday – and had felt this morning – that this was the one activity i truly still enjoy where i use my body and feel i become one with nature. it feels close to flying. and yet today – i couldn’t get into it. didn’t matter how fast i rode. i came home from the ride sore all over which is very unusual. and energetically within i felt deflated. i groaned as i thought “don’t tell me i’m not going to enjoy THIS activity any longer! what else can i find that i DO enjoy here!”
i did have a couple of moments of pure connection and felt love for all – an understanding – that came deep deep within. forgiveness energy too. i also felt a strong need for just 2 things: connection and purpose. those two words have their own energy to them and both of them were intense – or perhaps a better term is solid. i felt like i touched the bottom of the barrel – removing the stuff – going into the deep core of me. so lots of hugs today – extra hugs. at the park today i had some real moments of connection that felt “real”.
it’s as though the energies of emotions are becoming more clear, more solid and more intense.
that’s all for now. how are you all doing?
love,
victoria
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Well, I was always the oddball out too as I feel the same way you do when it comes to alcohol. I did try a bit in college but even a small amount made me sick and I would swell up–think I was allergic to the sulfites or even the alcohol itself–it was years later I learned I had environmental allergies (cigarette smoke, perfume, chemicals, including the chemicals in foods like artificial colors, msg, etc.) Anyway, everyone else was drinking and getting drunk and I couldn’t believe how stupid people get when they’re drunk and how easily they can be taken advantage of. My older sister was quite the partier and she would always make fun of me for not being ‘with it’ ‘cool’ or just ‘not fun’ because i refused to drink like they did. I knew they called them ‘spirits’ because the negative spirits could attach themselves to you when you were drunk and I didn’t want any part of that either. Then I would hear comments like ‘you can’t have fun unless you’re drinking’. Even when my boys got to high school they would repeat the same comment and we would have discussions about it, but alas, they succumbed to the drinking games as well. Some people just never learn or learn the hard way. Maybe they are the ones that are just not awake like we were at the time. Which I don’t mean it as a bad thing, just that we were more awake and aware of what was going on.
oh i partied a lot in my late teens. i went through a serious rebellious stage – but i was careful and kinda did things my own way. i never got into acid or the other hard drugs even though i had friends who did and would put on the pressure to engage. no thank you. alcohol of course was starting to make me feel yuck and by the time i turned 21 going to bars was, overall, an unpleasant experience. and i hear you on the sensitivity issues – chemicals, perfumes. even some essential oils bother me. crowds/loud noise can send my mind into a tizzy. i’ve been thinking a lot about these sensitivity issues many of us have. some of it i feel, for me, is just how i am wired. but some i feel is also due to the vaccines i received and other heavy metals that got put into the body/mouth. i’ve done some detox – and will continue it – but i also know it is a challenge when it’s been sprayed and as such is all over the environment. transition into the new pure is sooo welcomed now. 🙂
It is not easy for me to write these articles as the waves are coming in but I feel this helps everyone to raise their consciousness and have a chance to FEEL the waves as I do. I feel if I continue to post these articles in the moment of NOW, when the wave is actually hitting, more humans have a chance to raise their consciousness from the wave activations that come in with it. More will have a chance to experience, integrate and transform themselves knowing they too are feeling the energy waves of ascension.