Exhausted by being “strong”

 

 

Just as I was reflecting on this reality and how pushed we have been – how pushed I have been – especially at this time – just when I REALLY am needing love and TLC – I am blocked from receiving it – end up sitting in silence – alone – and how f’ing painful that is for me….I see the above.

EXACTLY.

I was reflecting on how exhausted I am in being “matrix version strong”.

I woke up after spending time within – in quiet – shifting the left over hellish energies from yesterday.

That lasted about 5 minutes.

In “it” came.

Found myself facing outside situations where I was having to do the NEO deflecting.

I swear – “they” are looping us again – certainly trying to and having some effect at it – because I am seeing/experiencing things happen I felt were over enter my experience again – no matter WHAT I think/say/intend.

I don’t want no stinkin’ metals or pats on the back once this is over – or even now – at how well I am handling the b.s.

I WANT…..I NEED SOFTNESS.

KINDNESS.

I don’t need someone telling me to suck it up buttercup and keep going.

I WANT AND NEED TO BE CARRIED NOW.

I need to have a safe space – NOW – where I can f’ing collapse from the weight of the pain the trauma the “do do do keep going mama V” – until I am healed.  No time frame.  No judgment.  No “ok that’s enough get back up and get going soldier.”

That’s what I’ve been doing all along and I am DONE with it – DONE with the game – DONE with pretending and putting on a smile when I want to scream and cry and throw and smash things.

And yet I see – so do many of us.  And most of us don’t have much left of those things TO give because we’re so damn tired, often alone, without the support and love we need TO get back up to the place where we CAN give that space/experience to another.  Or we receive just enough to keep going.

But who wants to be in that “keep going just a little longer” space?

Who wants little drops of love when we – when I need to be showered in it 24/7 until I am refilled again.

I’m worn to the f’ing bone being “strong” and “tough” – which are really two energies resulting from the same experience(s) that I don’t consent to.  One is more that quiet/still/passive within – the other the “doer”.

I want this stewpid f’ing war OVER.

I want those engaged in this alleged clean-up of evil to STEP IT UP AND GET IT DONE.

This is a simulated place.

If “they” can slow it down then for the love of us all SOMETHING DIVINE and GOOD can f’ing SPEED IT UP AND GET IT DONE.

N O W.

For what is the point of an awakening if most of your awakened ones are left behind either dying or shaking or collapsed?

For now (absolutely fully truly):

Love,

V.