Reassessing some things.
Spent time today and threw out a bunch of old letters, cards that held no meaning for me. I am ready to toss out all that no longer resonates and start anew. Also tossed an old antique table I have held together with wood glue and lately, duct tape. Pathetic, I thought. I am worth more than this, I asserted, tossing it into the trash.
The time for breathing, waiting, intending, letting go and being patient has expired.
Feeling the need to end all projects, relationships, objects that are not rewarding me in ways that are supportive of all of my needs.
Feeling like I am standing in the middle of a road, naked, no sense of what to do where to go but ready for some guidance and assistance ~ meanwhile being reminded I owe this and that and oh here’s another added this and that while being told I am not good enough/smart enough fill in the damn blank. We are supposed to be our own hero’s and rescue ourselves. Fuck that shit. GIRL IS IN NEED OF HELP!! Until then, I stand, sit, alone, asking myself what is it all for. Moments of temporary, fleeting beauty and hope in what otherwise has been a life of wasted moments, pain, neglect and lies.
I need love.
Huge financial blessings and and real opportunity to expand myself, my life, heal myself.
Friendship. Mentoring.
Open doors.
And good long vacation where I am pampered for a time. My body and mind are weary of this journey. I am spent – in all ways. White flag has been tossed into the ring.
And so it is.
well, Peaches, Today my back went into spasms on top of my knee being almost unable to support me . I told a friend that today would be a good day to die. Crabby wouldn’t cut it! Then a friend got a message to call me immediately! So she did. What came through is that now is the time to receive the rewards for all the work we have been doing for so looooong. We are to do nothing strenuous-relax(how is that even possible) for the next week. Well, I suddenly felt better. I’m going to take her advice. Now you should feel better too. You are Love made manifest. Own it! Hugs, Jim
thank you for that – and for validating my own inner voice that has told me the past week or so to just chill and rest. the weather has been hot and smoky – forcing us inside – which i have resisted. something said embrace it and just do nothing. the weather cooled down this week – and oh i wanted to get out – and did – but the desire to go explore or visit – ain’t happening. we have another heat wave upon us and i said ok this time i am listening as i heard again “are you not getting the picture girl? you are in the do nothing space.” hugs right back you – what a beautiful sentiment – we are love made manifest. i love that.
good afternoon~ well, as you know I only speak from my own experiences and I would never assume that I had an ‘answer’ for your state of being at present..and what you do know..is nothing lasts..somethings are on a loop for sure..and at some point..you just have to jump..jump off the path..get out of your own way..take a more scenic route as you have seen these things before..and frequently…do something different…
I know in my own longing for love..and to learn more of its ways..and yes..being almost 69 I am stilllllllll in class..stilllllllllll learning …so, in that..I am seeking to see the barriers WITHIN my self that I have not only built against love, but built against ‘ I am not good enough, doing enough’..blah blah blah..and yet I can say the words..I am worthy..I am enough..blah and blah..what i know now is..its not words..it has nothing to do with words..it is BEING..what i want for my life.
I know fear is at the root of letting love in..fear of loss..fear that I will make the wrong choice..again..my experience is that the very people in a life ..who are to represent the love..were the very one’s that I allowed to let me feel unlovable..when you know better you do better..simple.
I too have days of ..well, this is stagnant..this life I have created.. have never been so isolated..days ..weeks without human contact..well, my son calls me once a week..but I am talking in the physical presence of a human..it is so odd..and yet..I feel it is needed somehow..
EVERY situation in a life is a way to ‘expand ‘ yourself..
You are in a family…tell them of your needs..tell them to participate more..I found that in that situation. of home and family…the more you do..the less the other members do..I am sure there is something..folding clothes, washing dishes..sweeping..just picking up after themselves..something ..anything…to participate in what is good for the whole.
Surely you get love from you family..I hope you do.
NEVER let anyone determine how you feel about yourself..it is only their opinion and ya know what they say…opinions are like assholes..everyone has one…
Doors are open everywhere..thing is..you kinda got to get out and walk up to them and knock on them…the doors rarely come a knockin’.
It’s good to feel..good to put into words..and some of us just sit in our houses….alone ..without an audience ..just alone trying to work thru the life.
I have always thought of myself as a survivor..now the goal is to thrive..and still the one small thing i do everyday.is somehow create beauty..even if it is only making my bed and putting pretty pillows on it..arranging some flowers..putting my food on my plate in a pleasant way..its active and contributes a lovely energy.
Tomorrow is another day..do you have a car..or a public transpo…take it somewhere..take a picnik..go outside of your town..for the day..movement does amazing things..maybe just you should go..alone..and have an adventure..take yourself to lunch..be served…pampered.
Exhale…(*
what i believe i am longing for and needing is an entirely different way of living/being. i get out of the house almost daily – go for walks – hikes – the park – bike rides and the like – at times to an occasional gathering – and it all feels like a distraction. the life i have dreamed of – i continue to feel it is something i am waiting to happen. i have knocked on a lot of doors to make it happen and yet experience within and without says let it come. so i wait. i also don’t know the location of this place/community. i have just seen it for years. asked higher self and all parts of who i am and source to show me – guide me. nothin’. it takes $$ to move – certainly a big move – and that is not in the picture for this family at this time. as crazy as it may sound to some, to others it isn’t so crazy – but many of us are waiting for the event to “catapult” us into this new earth realm we have seen ourselves in. it has been pretty damn wild to connect with others who have seen the same “things” – from houses to the small towns and the like – as myself and my mate have. and me thinks it is not necessarily on this planet we are residing on.
Agree, glad I am not the only one with this experience. I was there the fully ignited life, talking to the plants and animals, we all were, in full godhead. A paradise I felt it, I experienced it, it was real. At times it is here with me and I can feel nature responding to me, giving and receiving, flowing, living together a communion of energy exchange. Dreaming beautiful visions into reality. I was loving the bees one day and after worrying about them due to poisoning by chemicals, a european honey bee visited me, they have been scarce in that last 10 years, just a few days ago one was inside of my car, do you think they hear us feel us ? I do because I have seen proof. Yet still on another day, I wake up go out, cars are racing on roads, corporate big box businesses everywhere, sterile lifeless, non human, I look around and see insanity. I ponder is there another puddle on this infinite flat plane where I truly belong? I ask help me get to where I belong, and please bring all those who want to come that resonate gather us the willing enlightened, where we love, filled with life force, real life in heart, soulful daily living. Thank you for sharing your true feelings Victoria, I have a feeling we are not the only ones, who are waiting to live.
yes – that help to getting where you belong. i very much resonate with that. i absolutely know nature hears us, feels us and responds. and like you – i know that experience of feeling such beauty with nature and being around the concrete jungle absolutely draining. i long to move away from that experience – deeply. it has to be coming because as you said – we are not the only ones. there are hundreds of thousands of us i would say very much ready to be in this next dimensional realm – which lately feels soooo close – like pulling back a curtain. just waiting to remember the inner instructions on how to manifest.