Just not into the whole awakening thing today.
Not when I have been busting my arse to not only change what’s inside my mind/heart/body but what’s outside.
Others on stage getting a lot of attention and glory while too many are really having a hell of a time – who need the same kind of love and attention.
Seriously, friends.
We all have a story.
We all deserve to have them told AND heard.
Tired of having others promise me things and they fail to deliver.
Do they not see I have a child?
Do they really not care?
And how difficult is it to share someone’s work? It takes a few seconds. Literally. I’m like “ok you are online anyway sharing other things – share my work – you know – like you said you would do?”
I’ve been as appalled at the lack of humanity (flighty behavior) I have encountered in others as I have been heart-touched at some of you who have stepped up and continued to step up – keeping me going – jesus – keeping me eating. I request every day more of that while giving thanks to each of you. Whenever my girl says “mom no one’s helping” I remind her of each of you.
That said, I’m not f’ing around when I have stated I need more income. I need people donating whatever they can (if you’re employed you can afford $5). I need people sharing my work. I continue to search for and apply for remote work I can do (when I can find those that don’t pay via paypal). And that isn’t much – what I am capable of doing atm. My brain has suffered as a result of too much harm and trauma so I have had to see some of these jobs I know I would not be able to do well until I am healed. And there’s that paradox of needing to change my life in order to fully heal. Those who say you can are just in it to sell you their product while ignoring what you also really need. Trust me – I’ve tried having offline/private conversations with those who sell information on PTSD, trauma healing, nervous system and certain types of abuse (childhood and otherwise). Gaslight you up the arse to get you quiet, give you unwanted advice while ignoring your stated request for help or ignore you all together.
It’s like dumping out a bucket of dirt only to have someone fill it back up again. #TRUTH#
Talk about feeling trapped. It is a very uncomfortable experience.
I put up some things on twitter. You can see them here. For now, I’m soothing myself after a he## of a day dealing with unwanted behavior while trying to calm my nervous system after an intense EMDR session.
💖
Victoria
Here I am trying to make sense of the Crypto-QFS realm…[still waiting….Zzzzz]…and looking at the opportunities for a “prison-break”, and I read about your plight. A plight I’ve lived with for most of my life–except as a child–safe within the protective shell my parents provided. My mom raised me and my sis. She had a modest child support allowance and taught me the values of frugality while enjoying the fun, free things in life. Somehow she managed to live in a man’s man’s world, and somehow my dad who was a driven soul managed to live until the ripe young age of 57. After his massive stroke at age 54, he could longer walk. The man’s world he had made great efforts to master, as an ambitious entrepreneur and example of the American dream, also led to his early demise. Had his ambitions to be someone of distinction not taken center stage, perhaps he would’ve pursued the life of the artist as a sculptor(he had a talent.) We are all victims of a capital-dominant mindset(program) that is regulated via a monetary religion. The two factors I have been analyzing and meditating on for a few decades has to do with the duality of: Lack consciousness vs Abundance/prosperity consciousness. I look back at the life of the artist–which I chose– as one of the more difficult paths I could’ve chosen. I could’ve been a stock broker, but that wasn’t the path that spoke to me. We HUmans are at a watershed. Awakening is real, and some are more awake than others; hence, the disconnect we all feel. Some days I feel like a mad(crazy) man in a mad man’s world–wishing to shout out: ‘Hey wake the Fug up! This is all a dream’, and ‘let’s make it a better dream and exit the nightmares wrought via our own complicity.’ What a time to be alive, eh? I hear you…and yet…I also realize that the divine feminine plays a significant role in transforming our society and culture as along as we recognize the sacred attributes of Human ‘Being.’ Imbalances between the divine feminine and divine masculine polarities are playing out. The world wasn’t always like this. AI and Archontic interferences are also at play (or, at war- depending on any given day). As one woman friend of mine calls the “Archon infection”: “Malware.” Which I believe to be most accurate. Blessings, V (and I’ll see what I can send after the bills are paid!)…ps I keep getting requests from the Reps and Trump Team for $…I’ve sent a little…Praying for the Nesara miracle.