Just some reflecting – ending with some finds……….

 

The “finds” are distraction to me these days as they don’t align with my inner world, much less my needs.  Pretty sure that is how it is with most of us these days.

My space is quiet atm allowing me to tune in and actually hear.

I heard this:

Sometimes our strength is only as solid as is the support around us. 

Looking back at my life I can attest to this.  I recalled a time when I had made a big decision – which included a promise of help – and that help was suddenly and unexpectedly withdrawn – and then oddly put back in my place but only temporarily and then held over my head – which meant this big decision I had made was suddenly threatened.  I had no other solid support around me at the time, so I did what I needed to do to simply survive.

Getting to know a new friend, stories are being shared.  One of the stories included her having a similar situation only she had rock solid support during her decision to change her life – and it remained – allowing her that necessary sense of safety one needs in making such a decision.  Knowing someone has your back.  A phrase I have heard too often throughout my life by people who clearly didn’t.

Today if I hear it – I let the actions back up the words.  And if they don’t, I remove and walk away.

The more I heal, the more I see myself, the more I OWN my Worth in a way that is quiet and thus authentic, the more I level up.  The more I ask of myself, the more I ask of anyone for whom is to be in my life.  If the words don’t match the action, I move on.  If the alignment isn’t there, I move on.

It comes down to Love.  Love – the energy – the action – is what is solid – is what shows up – is what has our backs when we need it to.  I have not had nearly enough of that experience.  And that’s painful.  Really f’ing painful.  Some of it was me and my choices – taking anything or anyone who came along – settling – oh god how I have settled – plus clinging on to the whole “blood family” illusion.

Some of it was just shitty people.

While it would be wonderful to have had that true familial experience, I don’t.  Not in the way I have truly needed – which is to provide unconditional support.  As I’ve said many times here, if someone is in need, I do my best to listen and hear, ask what they need, then f’ing do it if I can.  I finally began to truly just distance and walk when I had a moment of desperation and pain and said, “ask me what I need g. d. it and I will tell you”.  Silence followed.  They were not interested in – not able.  Whatever.  Same result.  And yet all along – my inner Me knew – this was not going to ever feel ok or be Safe.  If I could go back in time and say just one thing to my young self it would be to ALWAYS LISTEN TO AND TRUST THAT INNER VOICE.

Always.

We don’t have to do this world alone.  Remember how I’ve been saying that in the end we rescue ourselves, but no one does it alone.  I wrote this rather haunting song over 20 years ago.  I can’t remember all of the lyrics but a few of the lines said this:  Loneliness doesn’t have to be – a part of the human condition – can’t you see – we have each other – to hold onto – when the world is unfriendly.

Here are a few early day finds.  Ya’ll be good to yourselves and each other.

Love,

V.

******

 

So done with this b.s.  Similar skies for my area – ate outside and thought “nice day for some haarp music”.  Arsetwats.

 

 

I’ll give you a hint (you ain’t nuthin’ but a hound dog)………..Roseanne was right all those years ago on tv…………

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Sometime between now and September“………

******

  💖🙏

Author: Victoria1111

Truthseeker. Philosopher. Commander of Freedom. Writer. Musician. Composer. Above all I Am A Creator.