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I don’t understand WTF is up.

Now people locally – in my own damn community- are flagging my buymeacoffee writings claiming “FUNDRAISER VIOLATION”.

My page is not a fundraiser, obviously.

Fundraisers are when people say “please give me money” and offer nothing in return.

I am offering a SERVICE. My writings. My music. My poems and photography. My creations. My f’ing heart and Soul.

And I am being denied the right to share that in my own community because people are wrongfully flagging my post (while allowing political posts, even though NEXTDOOR policy clearly states NO POLITICS unless locally focused).

If you see this and care – please – offer me something. A listening ear. SOMETHING. I am literally being cut out of my life and if things don’t shift “out there” – pushed out into the streets. This is breaking my heart. I SHARE my writings, my personal creations, and it’s one thing to see each post showing no coffees bought, but to be SILENCED? To be stopped from my right to DO this?

My faith in humanity is tapped.

You ready?

3.3 BILLION to is ra el:

Woops – there’s more for the parasites:

Then there was what was left out:

Now you understand why I’m so incensed. If I weren’t in need of help and services, if I had the money on my own to get myself training, if I had the $$ means to get into housing, I’d just look at this, roll my eyes and think one of two things: just another movie scene designed to rile up the masses (and it has worked) or just another day of bullshit in government. But I am not in that situation to just be ok with all of this. Not when there are BILLIONS still earmarked for non-citizens while I go without access to those services.

THIS IN SPADES.

I’ve lost about 20 followers on X today because of the things I am sharing. I love what she has to say. This system is toxic. It is not inclusive. And it punishes people who struggle to keep up with it. That is the sickening part to me. People aren’t lazy. Some simply carry the knowing how toxic this reality is – and those are the ones most often targeted and harmed – who walk alone. We are not the problem.

Trauma Aware America
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It’s easy to think people are just stupid when they argue passionately in defense of billionaires and corporate power. Most of the time, they’re not billionaires themselves. They’re struggling with healthcare costs, stagnant wages, insecure housing, or mountains of debt. Yet they still say things like: “The rich earned it,” “You just want handouts,” “Nobody’s stopping you from becoming a millionaire,” or “Taxing wealth is theft.”
At first glance, this looks like pure delusion. But from an interpersonal neurobiology perspective, these responses are survival strategies.
The people defending billionaires here are doing it because it feels safer than the alternative.
If you’re struggling in a system that keeps failing you, it’s terrifying to admit that it might be rigged. (KEY) That would mean you’re vulnerable, unprotected, and your suffering isn’t entirely in your control. And in a culture where personal responsibility is a moral identity, admitting you don’t have control is deeply shame-inducing. It’s easier to believe the world is fair, that success is earned, and that anyone can make it if they just try harder. That belief helps people stay regulated. It helps them keep moving. It’s not rational, but protective.
There’s also a fantasy at play. If I might be rich someday, then criticizing the rich feels like criticizing my future self. This fantasy of upward mobility becomes part of personal identity, even when statistically it’s wildly unlikely. So people cling to it because giving it up feels like despair.
Then there’s the story we’ve been sold our whole lives. That billionaires are job creators. That they take the risks. That they built this country. That if we tax them too much, they’ll stop making cookies and the rest of us will starve. Never mind that workers make the cookies, that wealth has been hoarded not reinvested, or that massive inequality destroys trust and shared safety. The myth of billionaire virtue is everywhere. People absorb it through media, education, religion, and repetition. It becomes background noise that shapes their entire worldview.
And when someone challenges that worldview, it creates dissonance. That dissonance can feel physically uncomfortable. Defensiveness isn’t just mental—it’s bodily. From an IPNB lens, nervous systems under threat often default to rigid thinking, black-and-white logic, and scapegoating. So instead of being able to think relationally–seeing how our well-being is interconnected–people double down on hierarchy and blame.
That’s why you get so many arguments like these:
“I worked hard and succeeded, so others must be lazy if they didn’t.”
“Capitalism means profit. If you want the profit, start your own business.”
“Taxing wealth punishes success.”
“The poor are poor because they spend irresponsibly.”
“This country gives you freedom to succeed. Don’t be a victim.”
These arguments all share the same purpose: to protect a fragile sense of control, worth, and safety in a system that doesn’t offer much of any of those things. They reflect internalized shame, absorbed propaganda, and a lack of real-world comparison to systems that function differently. Most importantly, they reveal a nervous system trying to find coherence in a world that feels chaotic and unsafe.
The real conversation we need isn’t about whether billionaires deserve their wealth. It’s about what kind of society supports well-being for everyone. That starts with connection, fairness, mutual care, and a system designed to reduce, rather than exploit human stress.

Lastly, check this one out. My immediate thought was “that’s a young Barron”.

What did I say last night? EPSTEIN ISLAND IS A HONEYPOT. (this guy is not yet considering that possibility)

I was going to do a video on this, but I’m a wreck atm and not really into letting the world see me this way. So a typed version it is.

I woke up this morning hearing that song, “Love is in the air”. A nice message to receive, considering most mornings I wake up burned out, feeling as though I received absolutely no rest, waking up in a state of terror, wondering how the hell I am going to get myself out of my current situation.

I get online, and the first thing I see is a video from citizen journalist Kevin Dalgren. He’s filming outside of a tunnel that looks to be under an overpass or similar. Inside that dark hole, you can hear the cries and rages of a man who lives there and has for years. It was horrifying to hear.

But I get it.

I wonder how many other people do, though. Or take the time TO “get it”.

That guy didn’t just crawl on there on a whim. He didn’t just go from being functional and healthy to living in a damn concrete tunnel overnight.

He likely got there like so many other souls – years of neglect. Agencies incapable or unwilling to help. Tons of trauma carried in the body, not dealt with properly. Probably passed around from person to person, with very few, if any actually capable of looking him in the eyes and seeing the pain and potential.

And this is the reality for millions.

Fucking MILLIONS.

How many times did he ask for help?

How many in his life just watched him suffer and fade away?

I know for me personally, I have hit the limit on being told “I will be there for you” and not. receiving. that. I literally cannot take one. more. disappointment. I would almost kill for someone I know in my physical proximity show up with a hug. And just f’ing hold me and tell me I will be ok – we will figure out a way.

Here in America, today, the parasites in Congress, in yet another White Hat move, have passed a budget to keep this criminal government going. And guess what was included in that budget? BILLIONS for Israel. BILLIONS for refugees and immigrants.

That last part triggered me. BIG. TIME. Movie or not. I don’t care. I f’ing lost it.

This movie isn’t funny for me these days.

Not when it is INTENTIONALLY causing me and my daughter harm.

For you see, if mom is not well supported and loved, the child will struggle as well.

And this movie and these white hat military people are ALLOWING people not from my country to continue to come here and take resources that people like I NEED.

Not just want – but fucking NEED.

Me and countless others.

But I am focused on myself right now, as that is all the energy I have left TO focus on. I tried telling that to a certain other person today, and it was implied that I was selfish. You know the old “you’re not the only one I hate to tell you that” as though I’m not seeing. OBVIOUSLY I KNOW THIS.

Why do people do this?

It’s insulting. It’s painful. And it’s toxic as fuch.

A person can only go so long in the situation I am in and be told “no” so many times before they break down.

And that is exactly what is happening to me.

Nothing I do is providing me the lasting comfort I need. Last night it was picking up a 4 pack of homemade cookies from the local cooperative, sitting in a park, crying and eating two of them. Very temporary relief – if you can call it relief.

I NEED HELP AND I NEED. IT. NOW.

Is anyone coming here reading my words or am I just crying into an empty room?

Why can’t everyone who comes here show you care even a little bit about me – or wait – forget caring about me – care about my daughter – share my work!

Contribute $5/month.

Tell my story.

(clearly this is not a message to those of you who do support my work)

Jesus people – if I end up living out in the streets, I won’t make it. I have too much trauma in me already I am trying to release with a counselor who misses 1/4 of our sessions and who I have YET to get her to listen to me when I say “My mind wanders and I lose focus. I need YOU to help me stick to the plan of treatment.” Ok, she says, but has failed. Finding a new person who takes my insurance and is taking clients has been a nightmare search. I am screaming for my right to survive at this point. I’d like to thrive as that is my right – but at this point, it’s just about surviving.

Don’t let me become like that man inside the tunnel.

🙏

Victoria

That head-spacey woo woo feeling – plasma incoming? KP is showing nothing. That X-Class that fired off is not headed directly at us. Just asking as we all here either began to feel this an hour ago or just in the last 30 minutes.

I wrote this one last night. It’s already being censored. That just means I need to share it more. 😁

https://buymeacoffee.com/victoriassoulfulcreations/the-systems-created-to-help-need-an

(I am making this one available for all as I believe the changes I speak of are critical and, as such, want as many people as I can reading this piece. It is also my hope that people will share my ideas and be part of the change that is so needed at agencies designed to help.)

I have mentioned here recently the struggles I have encountered trying to get help out there in the world of systems. Community agencies. Non-profits. Hotlines. Government agencies. It took a lot of courage for me to begin making these calls over a year ago. As one who is living with C-PTSD, largely due to abuse and a handful of traumatizing experiences, finding my voice and sharing personal details with anyone, especially people I don’t know, left me feeling vulnerable and, as such, was very challenging. And risky. I’ve seen the result when I speak up. Sometimes I am heard, but far too often I am dismissed, criticized, unseen. And when someone is already carrying trauma, the nervous system is not functioning from a place of safety, but rather a place of survival. The last thing someone like me needed was to receive further harm. Sadly, from what I have learned, this happens too often.

After months of being bounced around, being given the same advice repeatedly, phone calls and communications unanswered, being told “I will help you” and never hearing from the individual again, I am left where I am today: Angry. Frustrated. Wondering, in amazement, how agencies can even cease to function when they are lacking in effective communication and truly useful, supportive, and consistent help. I understand agencies are overburdened. I am completely aware of the state of affairs out in the world. But this cannot continue to be an excuse.

We need to do things differently.

Given my experience, these places are often lacking in awareness when it comes to trauma and the nervous system. And given that they deal with people in crisis, there needs to be a system-wide overhaul. They need to be educated on trauma and the nervous system, and how this trauma affects human behavior.

I have dealt with receptionists who have been cranky and impatient. Employees who disappear in the middle of a process. Employees assigned to me resign and no one informed me. I’ve had countless emails, texts, and phone calls go unresponded to. I even had an employee who knows of one of my biggest struggles, which happens to occur in the car, and as such, until this issue is healed, there are certain places in which I don’t travel to (including her office). Knowing this, she challenged me to “prove” myself to her how serious I was when I said I was willing to do what it takes to change my life by getting in the car and coming to see her in person. There was no compassion in her voice. I was appalled. I felt attacked by someone who is supposed to be helping me, but who clearly doesn’t understand my challenge, and at the most, lacks compassion. This would have been very risky too for myself and other drivers. It is no different than telling a rape victim to spend 15 minutes alone in a room with her rapist in terms of what this would have done to her body. I regret sharing my challenge with her. This just further eroded my failing trust in these places.

I’m exhausted from being told “we can’t help you” and from being bounced around from person to person. I’m also weary from being told “we are here for you” when my experience proved to be the exact opposite. Just tired of not being seen, heard, or helped in the way I continue to say I need. And it isn’t like I’m asking for the world. I’m asking for help finding work I can actually do. Help finding someone who will take my insurance and do some exposure-type work with me in the car. Help to promote the work I already do. Help finding funding for educational training. One year I’ve been at this, and I am in the same position I was when I started (in terms of receiving help).

If this doesn’t scream agency inefficiency, I don’t know what does.

Neurobiology tells us humans experiencing trauma heal in environments that are reliable, consistent, and supportive. Needs are met. Challenges seen. The individual is seen from where they are. These very basic protocols create safety, and that is where true healing happens. I have not had that in my search to find help and support from the very agencies designed to do just that.

But I have answers. Solutions. Here are a few:

1) Hire someone to answer the phones who is patient and knows how to talk with someone in crisis or who is frustrated.

2) Training in neurobiology, trauma, and the nervous system. There are plenty of books on the subject, and there are plenty of experts in the field who, I am sure, would be more than happy to visit agencies and provide some workshops.

3) If an agency is overburdened, then stop taking in new people. Wait until all who have signed up receive the help they need before taking in new clients. I got really tired of hearing, “Sorry, I’ve been so busy”. That’s not an excuse. I’m not trying to get my taxes done or order a part for my dishwasher. I’m in need of support.

4) COMMUNICATION. If a worker says they will help you, call you back, or email you – then keep thy word.

5) Do not dismiss the concerns a client is showing with what I call “system speak”. Talk with them like they’re a human instead of speaking in language that is lacking in emotion and reads like a form letter, attorney-approved.

6) If an employee/agency makes a mistake, own it. It’s insulting and damaging to one’s sense of trust and safety when you have shown proof of errors and are not heard. The goal should be to help people, rather than to protect the system’s failures and mistakes.

For me, it’s common sense. Simple. Treat others the way you would want to be treated. Remember, the person calling in for help is often in crisis. If not, they wouldn’t be seeking help to begin with. If you are able to help, then show up with consistency and compassion. Ensure safe spaces. Listen.

People first over bureaucracy. Always.

💖

Victoria