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i thought i would start this piece while i am on hold with my insurance provider.  of course they spoke of the importance of getting the flu shot so you can protect yourself.  oh stfu, i responded to obviously blank air.

system insanity.  that has been allowed to exist in this free will realm.

i had a hugely challenging night last night energetically.  i didn’t think it possible that i could go to another level of inner frustration – the inner ME screaming to get out of this realm and the frequencies that support it.  my dream experiences last night – frustration.  closed doors.  turned backs.  it didn’t take me long to say “i’m out” and i left the experience.  at one point i awoke releasing a low, moaning guttural type of sound/feeling.  my child climbed into bed with me earlier and she too was having similar experiences in dream state.  my mate awoke with the same feeling.  new level of frustration.  and checking my e-mail and phone i happened to hear from several of you who were expressing the same/similar experience.

we had snow last night – not much – but enough that perhaps there could be some sledding on some of the nearby hills.  so my mate took our girl and her friend and headed out.  they couldn’t find anything suitable and each new road or direction LITERALLY ended in a dead end.  i intended for them to have a wonderful time and visualized my girl and her friend sledding down a hill.  while they were gone i did a few chores and some energy clearing – making the space nice energetically.

and then learned the entire trip was essentially a waste of gas and the ensuing frustration came.

if our experience here is UP then LET.  US.  LEAVE.  i don’t consent to this crap for one more second.

i know many of you are fed up and DONE as well.  we know what freedom is.  we KNOW we desire to create FREELY.  we KNOW we wish to be the one operating the vehicle – us (us/US – human us and higher self US) and NO ONE ELSE.  religions and new age types tell us to surrender to God/Higher Power to soothe us in those moments.  we hear the blah blah blah “you have control of your life.  take control!” but then moments later we hear the blah blah blah of “the only thing you can control is your reaction.”  we have blah blah blah of “there is no right or wrong.  all just IS.”  UGH!

who is steering these vessels here?

the truth of that is withheld here to keep the experience of free will going. and free will is literally allowing ALL experiences to be brought forth.  that’s why we have power over games and manipulations and deception.  we have enslavement.  we have pay to live.  we have transhumanism.  we have this insane speak and pressure to ALLOW for ALL to exist ~ even if that ALL happens to be harming and abusing and destroying others.

Freedom however is the right to create as one wishes.  and when we are in that space we don’t seek to take that right away from another.  that means no more power over games.  i’ve said this all before.  perhaps i keep saying it because i WANT THAT EXPERIENCE AGAIN.  i don’t consent to this one. why i chose to come here i am yet to be fully clear on that – if i even did make the fully conscious choice to do so i have decided different – and even at that, i have doubt.  i likely got trapped here after the takeover.   nowhere does free will align with me.  freedom?  in every cell of my being.

i’m beginning to feel as well that i am part of the original Human species experience.  i’m feeling many of us were – those who long for home.  new subscribers don’t know this but you will never hear me say you chose this experience – suck it up.  you’re here to do the work now get busy.  this is all about YOU and your perception.  what i do say is how do you feel and what aligns with you and what do YOU wish to experience?  in other words – i support YOUR right to FREEDOM.  i do my best to keep all power-over games away from this space.

for now – while i am in this space – i have reached out to a new healer (trauma focused) to see if she can provide me some relief from this panic/claustrophobic experience.  i’ve been at this (finding relief/healing) with this one experience for 25 years.  i recently went on some homeopathic pills and CBD oil for relief.  nope.  the whole tapping and exposing myself works – temporarily.  i don’t get it other than deep within i KNOW i am trapped here and HAVE been and the entire experience won’t leave until i am free.  and i don’t like that one bit – so i continue to make new roads when i can to create a NEW experience – right within here (touching my heart) utilizing tools of within and “out there”.

for now i am roaring like a caged lion wanting OUT.  NEW.  NOW.  intending. letting go.  allowing.  it simply feels like N O T H I N G is helping/working right now – but i continue on seeking and trying new avenues in whatever way i can given the limitations of here.

oh did i mention the boredom experience?  yeah that too.  but i will talk about that later – unless i don’t – which i probably won’t because what purpose does it serve?

this is just day of UGH so ending here…

love,

victoria

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