When nothing else works – music gives me what I need: Hope.
Another long difficult night with interrupted sleep and FAAAAAR too much drama in this house lead me to turn on the radio to tune it all out.
Today’s songs – back to back:
- Where Have All The Good Times Gone ~ Van Halen
- Here I Go Again On My Own ~ White Snake
- More Than A Feeling ~ Boston
The first one brought back a memory. Late summer after my high school graduation. It was filled with a lot of fun for me. I shoved 4 years of partying into those 3 months and it left me with a glorious blur of YES. This night however my bestest party buddy and friend had returned home to Arizona – my boyfriend had dumped me – I was recovering from having my wisdom teeth pulled and my parents were being royal PITA’s to me. So I turned on my boom box, stuck in my Van Halen cassette tape, put on my headphones and cranked it up – singing and bemoaning “WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD TIMES GOOOOONE” – writing out my teenage angst in my journal. Ahhh – glorious youth. I miss those days – never “grew up” quite right beyond them you could say. I was always – ALWAYS – looking for something fun to do. I was kinda like Kramer in that way – someone would call me up and say “want to go with me to pick up my grandpa at the airport?” and unless I had to go to work soon, I’d drop whatever it was I was doing and say “YEPPERS!” And if I wasn’t looking for something fun to do, I was also always on the lookout to find something to rebel against.
Today though – while the desires still remain in my heart – I have “issues”. My mind doesn’t always cooperate with what my heart wants to do – and at times, neither does my body. Good intentions are often left at just that given who I became here.
More Than A Feeling……………I just closed my eyes and I slipped away……Within to where my dreams still remain in my heart. Today I told myself – even if EVERY THING I read is some false narrative – I will NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP on the vision I hold for myself for Freedom. The house I see. The tribe I want. My Personal Paradise. And like White Snake sang to me – Here I go again on my own – going down the only road I’ve ever known……….if I have to go it alone lifetime after lifetime until, I am in this UNTIL.
Love,
Victoria
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great songs!