Question of the moment: When is OUR POWER going to come back on – and STAY ON?

 

That’s a pretty good metaphor, don’tcha think?  Free will and free choice are words formed in the brain that come directly from “them” and we spew them here and there without really THINKING.  Ooooh on days like today I want to get this book and glue it on some people’s heads until this ability SINKS IN….and STICKS………

Of course this could also be one of those “what is common sense to me is just stewpid/bizarre to you”.

Or not.

Critical thinking:  WHY?  HOW?  WHERE?  WHEN?  Or if you’re like me now, this:

So inside this place – we have freedom of choice – except when we don’t.

And we have free will – except when we don’t.

And we get hooked up with God again and Flow – except when we don’t.

Power on – we feeeeeeeeeeeel good – things are moving – then some evil twat slams down a rock blocking the current.

I get the ebb and flow thing.

But God is CONSTANT.

And the fact we don’t get that “constant” leads us to conclude we aren’t in paradise or any creation of our choice.

Speaking for myself that is.  At this point I hold no interest in talking to anyone who thinks we’re in control here and created this place.  I see my role like the big mama who comes into the room – sees the mess – and points it out to everyone – helping those who can’t see – then organizes the clean up and barks orders now and then until it’s all cleaned again.

Or something like that.  My “maid” duties have worn on me and I just want some Peace of Mind and Freedom.

I read something earlier – Be Like A Tree.  Hmmm….be like a tree.  Ok….So I will stand outside – ground my feet in the nice soil – while people walk by and admire my graceful limbs – the sun and nature provides for all of my needs.  Tree don’t have to go anywhere or fight crowds – all needs of Tree comes to her.  So I enjoy the experience until some rogue dog comes and decides to use me as a toilet.

Be like tree.

Yeah………………My tree smacks down confucius buddha crap with an out of control willow limb.  My friend Sue – who pulled a Jesus and jetted outta this world at her prime – used to say buddha was just some lazy fat guy who sat on mountain top all day and got waited on by servants and was able to share all sorts of flowery bullsheot that didn’t really change things at the core needing TO be changed.   Did he ever change a diaper or get woken up at 3am by a screaming child?  Did he ever scrub a toilet or have to worry about putting food on the table?

Looks like someone put on her 5 year old hat today……….

I am going on very little sleep today.  I ended up taking about 150mg of cbd oil to get to sleep – only to be awakened early by more pounding next door.  In the rain.  We’ve lost privacy and sleep since they moved in.  Then the lawn people came and mowed in the rain and blew around, uh, water, w/the blowing machine.

 

One of the many times in which I woke up, I was tense and angry – as though I was fighting back against something.  So I relaxed myself and soothed myself and did all of the things I would do for my girl.

Does any of this really help?

Temporarily.

Does it stick?

Nope.

Why?

Because not any part of me is consenting to whatever it is that is happening as I try and sleep/rest my body.  And I’m out of ideas as to how to change my experience here – any of it – for the better – and on a permanent basis – other than what I’m already doing – which today included hiding out in the cold garage – radio blasted – dancing to move some of this “heavy” that I ain’t wanting in me.

I do the best I can until I no longer HAVE to.  And all of you going through the same/similar – you have my understanding and grace.

Love,

Victoria

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