It’s 11.22.
Another day.
Another day intending for (the) NEW.
Another day of (not wanting to) waiting.
Another day of pushing away and saying “NO” to – well – most everything I see while telling myself other words that align WITH that experience and reality I desire.
So I walked up on top of a hill and stood there with my walking stick – watching the sun push through the band of clouds incoming – and just FELT. Felt the words of the old song I heard on the radio, “And if I can’t find my way back home”….Felt those especially.
Felt that empty space within that I cannot seem to get filled – at least not with anything here in this reality. Looking at that giant ball in the sky – I felt both relief and loneliness. Some are so good at really feeling like they belong – because maybe they do. Or maybe they are just really good at pretending – because who doesn’t wear some sort of a metaphoric mask here? We tell ourselves stories in our mind about how we should think and how we need to think that in order TO.
While at the same time our bodies – that space deep within – tells us to give it some attention through a variety of ways: tension, tears suddenly appearing, needing to move – sometimes needing to run and run and keep running until you can’t anymore – or until you bust outta here into the afterworld or wherever IT is that so many of us have always longed for.
Afterwards, I walk along a pile of leaves, some of them small, some of them bigger than my size 9’s. I poke my stick at some of them, reflecting. Throughout my life I have hopped around a bunch of places, a variety of people and experiences, each time thinking “maybe THIS is it”.
Nope.
Then I do it again. “Maybe THIS it it.”
Nope.
Over time, many sages and masters say the key to experiencing that feeling is found within.
And yet is that really the truth?
Think about it.
If that child who wanders off and gets lost suddenly feels, well, lost and homesick, does that child feel better by telling himself kind, loving words?
Or is it when he FINDS his family again that those icky feelings are removed, replacing that hole he had been feeling in his heart?
We pretend a lot here.
Even the whole “fake it until you make it” is just another narrative to keep us going – to keep us pretending we really feel at home – here in this what it feels like to so many of us a foreign land.
The mind tricks us. The words we put into it by these sages and master’s and their religions and books pretty much does the same thing. Tricks us into forcing ourselves into beLIEving another round of words…
…when all along the Body – our Inner Instincts – has told us the Truth all along.
Remember how we are hooked into this place – via the mind first and foremost (my feeeeeeeeeeeeeels).
And as such that is the place in our being that can be the most hijacked, the most influenced.
And returning back to what I said originally – about refocusing away from what I don’t want and instead put my energy into what I DO want…That energy is always there within my body. And I am hooked into the Universe VIA that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeling – those energies that are eternal. And if this reality was truly part of that Universal Consciousness – well – we would all have a better experience by now.
Because while the mind can be deceived,
the body never. can.
💖
V.
