I sit here ~ battling a cold virus. There’s never an acceptable time to be sick obviously. But wow, this was NOT part of my plan for this week. The weather is great – sunny. I had plans of walks, bike rides, trips to the park. Instead I’m stuck on the couch, surrounded in a sea of kleenex. And wondering…when is it going to be my time to have the life I want.
I know what my body and heart tells me ~ I cannot wait any longer. Something has to break ~ something awesome and loving has to break wide open. HAS TO. If I have to bust open a door with an ax, so be it. This “wait and allow” doesn’t work.
I seek guidance within and hear “wait” and “be patient”. I cut those cords. Nonsense speak.
I need to be healed from this battle with panic and claustrophobia. I know I can do it with assistance, effective means and love and patience.
I cannot keep living in a community that doesn’t support me. My child. My family.
I need the RIGHT educational experience for my child. This HAS to exist.
I need the RIGHT means of income generating for myself. I would align with being part of a new tech business that frees us up – provides healing or free energy.
It’s a god damn paradox I am in. I need change NOW and when I look out into the world as it is now, nothing really aligns with me ~ certainly not in the area in which I reside. So that means I go along and find something that is at least close to who I am. One step closer is better than remaining one step behind.
And for now I rest and get my body well again.
