Trying to give it all over to God.
Inspired by something I saw that said when you don’t know what else to do just lay in bed look up at the ceiling and give it all to God speak it all to God.
And so I am. I don’t know what to do anymore with myself with my life. I don’t know how to build my tribe anymore. I don’t know how to reach my daughter or give her what she needs. I don’t know how to heal. I don’t know how to improve my financial situation. I don’t know how to find sleep in peace in the midst of the Unwanted stuff in which I am dealing with. I feel angry I feel confused I feel trapped I feel unseen I feel unwanted I feel unloved I feel like I’m not being taken seriously I feel misunderstood that’s a big one I really feel misunderstood. If I had a dollar for every time I had to reshare what it is I am facing.. that’s something I can no longer afford to do I figure those who care enough know and they know not to ask much less OfferUp unwanted advice when I specifically said I don’t want unwanted advice unless it’s actually a real opportunity. I don’t have it in me anymore I told God to venture down another path and give this a try only to fall flat on my face.
In a nutshell I feel like a big epic failure and I wonder why the hell I’m still even here. I haven’t been able to see any sort of future for myself no matter how at peace I have been and this has been going on for months. I look into my future and I see nothing.
When I say I am burned down I’m not exaggerating I’m actually concerned for myself now. I’m still not sleeping I got way too much on my plate I got no one to hand it over to. Creditors are starting to harass me now. And it’s still all comes down to the one little part of myself where I know who I am I am here to share my voice. I am here to share my ideas. I am here to share those ideas over and over again until it creates a wave a ripple that starts to make a difference out in this reality. And I do that here and I do that on my buy me a coffee site. It’s what I do it’s what I’m best at it’s all I am able to do at the moment.
And my heart continues to be confused as to why it’s not more supported. Why I am not more supported in that. I am confused as to why when I ask people to share they don’t understand that all that means is take my link and put it on your social media account s. If you like what I do and like me enough say a few words about that as well. It’s very simple it doesn’t cost a dime. We’re all on social media we all share things and recirculate things that’s all I’m asking for. Next what I’m asking for is anybody with a job pay me 1 to $5 a month fir my work…that is a very doable and very reasonable request. And to be honest it’s really discouraging and disappointing that I can’t seem to get that message clear and that it has not happened in the way that I need and deserve.
I don’t know what else to say.
🙏
Victoria
