Today I do not wish to be involved with or engaged in:
- politics
- ufo’s
- what’s going on with the sun
- what’s going on with my neighbors
- family
- friends
- drama of any kind
- money
- having to eat
- having to DO
- cooking
- cleaning
- showering
- dressing
- brushing teeth
- doing hair
- hearing sounds of 3d reality
this feeling is overwhelming. jump-out-of-the-body type feeling. huge. massive. inside screaming to be with Me and only Me. hearing ONLY Me. personal space is huge. HUGE. wanting my entire house and an entire street all for just my personal energy space needs. like NOW.
with that, i will close up. anyone else feeling the same or similar?
YES, I thought it was because I was grieving today. I took my 11 yr old kitty to the vet at 3 on wednesday for what I thought was perhaps a bladder infection and to have mats cut off her hair. She was ‘put to sleep’ at 4 that same day. It seems she was in kidney failure.
It was raining. ..she was an inside cat so being in the car in the rain and the noise was freaky for her..being at the vet stressful.for us both.
I spent Thursday on the couch ..I ate little..wanted to talk to no one..turned my answer machine off..the ringer off..I need to grieve my own way. I notice email from my best friend in another state..and she keeps calling..she wants me to respond..I repeat..I need to grieve in my own way..I am not interested in chatter..of any kind..all the subjects y ou spoke of.
Today..I picked up Gypsies ashes..this morning ..I sat in my bath and screamed FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to all the Fuckers who have ‘abandonded’ me and those that I allowed to harm and disrepsect me..FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I cried.
I know I am not thru crying and not thru with anger..over my grief..over this life..I just wanted someone to come in and give me hug. I am alone..all alone..a phone call will not come close to the embrace of comfort I need.
I am so tired of doing all of these life dramas..alone..my son an family live in another town..and I don’t know anyone in this one I live in.
FUCK IT ALLL//and fuck all the new age or whatever spiritual propaganda that says I need to love..fuck you…saying fuck y ou is my way of taking my power back..it is love to myself in away.
Fuck you all of ya’ll..where are you when I neeed you…I am tired and bored with the ..almost paradise that we could have if it weren’t for all the asswipes we have let take charge over us..fuck you..
I am not a violent person..I am a caring person.perhaps too much so in some ways..I have not been good at accepting ‘help’ and comfort..perhaps that is why noone is here..who the F knows..
But goddamn it..let all the fucking ufos come down..let the solistice be the fuck over..
Okay..now I have probably totally offended you..and it is not my character..well, that I ‘show’ to often..but I feel it..I feel outraged at this fucking world..I am sick and damn tire of this nonsense and the fact that’ we the people ..allowed..this ..all of it..
I think during these times..just be outside..altho it has been rainy and cloudy the last few days..does not help my headspace at all ..I run on solar.
So, I hope you get what you want..I certainly don’t have the answers..but go take a bath..and scream fuck you ..as loud as you can underwater..cathartic.
Peace sistah Victoria..peace..god do I want some peace..and ease.
oh catherine ~ first let me assure you that you DID NOT offend me in any way! my god – what offends me is when people are love and light 24/7 – even in the face of darkness and struggle. i am right there with you today – fed the fuck up with why the dark crap system keeps on a-spinnin when i hear of others losing homes lives etc. that could be STOPPED WITH MONEY and access to healing tech. maybe this is our purpose. today i began feeling that – my purpose – to speak of those things others in this movement do not wish to speak of. so thank you for your authenticity. i see you and hear you and if i were there next to you i WOULD hold you – because i know that kind of grief – the loss of a pet – suddenly – cuts very very deep. you be real. be YOU. i value that more than you probably realize. as i say – i don’t do fake and i can stop it a mile away. sending you love as you grieve the loss of your beautiful kittie. and contact me whenever you want too. … your last words too – i felt today deeply – took off on a bike ride after punching my bag and screaming. and yes fuck you is very empowering. our inner power can be soft and it can be big and large. no judgments. so i too was saying FUCK YOU SYSTEM. i need this crap to be over. ease. peace. exactly as you said. i too worry when i show this side people will think i’m violent – i’m not. i have a temper if you push me/violate me – but i see that as nothing to judge. but yes – i want to see the suffering end for ALL – esp. this unnecessary suffering created as a result of this dark awful system of pay to live and “let’s see how many people we can harm with our chemtrails and vaccines and gmo’s….” ENOUGH!
..just so ya know…none of my F you’s were in anyway intended for you..its just ya know..as humans..one thing I have learned..we all..have a ‘snap’ point..its been a rough week..and all the hype about so many things that could bring or contain hope…monies that are ours by birth stories..the solstice that offers promise..and yet..it all seems like just ‘shit talk’ ..possibilities abound…and yet..I feel like we are all being told so many ‘stories’ that have yet to show substance and hope..I think if its possible..stay away from all the headliners..any ‘news’ source….I am on overload..and I apologize if I have offended..but if I am feeling these intense angers and the like and fuck you’s of it all..and I consider myself a peace lovin easy going person..I can’t imagine what the collective is capable of..yowza..yep…a major major major purge is happening..perhaps my kitty new she best leave..such grace she handled her ‘exit’ from this world..she was alert til the end..and all I could say over and over is ..I love you
Gypsy..I love you…and thank you..amazing how animals can teach us love..clean and pure.
no worries as i said. i know the f-bombs were not aimed at me. as i said – such authenticity i appreciate and respect. now what i do take issue with is when someone calls me a name or otherwise takes issue with one of my thoughts by being disrespectful. you did not do that so no worries. let yourself grieve. i send you peace.
Good lord. First its the heat next its the smoke from wildfires then its the dizziness due to the ever-amping energies. Then its stupid behavior! Then its feeling like moving thru molasses. Yes, I’m angry, tired, fed up, and, just a wee bit cross! Jim
i’m starting to feel a collective thought that many of us need a vacation.
40 HERTZ!!!!!!
well, this definitely could play a role of yesterday…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJW4XvXX5xI
Well, I guess I am not going to over think my emotions..I am going to feel them wallow in them until my fingers get all prune like ..and then move on..that’s the thing..nothing ,but nothing lasts…
I am just vibrating like crazy..wish I was more of a physically active person it would help to move thru these energies..I am more of a ‘water baby’,but alas no pool..this is written on Saturday ..so, maybe today will be more ease..I plan to go in nature..I long for the world I dream of..so close ,but so far away at times.peace
yes – moving through molasses. very good description! we had the smoke from the b.c. fires head into our state – for a couple of days it was in the red level. some of us intended for cooler more humid ocean air to come in sooner than later. it worked. i think we realize how connected we are with nature.