What a day today was. Let me begin by saying I removed the UFO sightings video as it turned out it was likely the ISS. I was disappointed for a few minutes until I realized how much I had, yet again, given away my power. I put my sense of self, my sense of magic and enjoyment and belief into something outside of Me. I promised myself over a year ago to cease being a UFO worshipper (ok, I use the term slut – I apologize if that offends – but it works for me). Simply because I made a mistake, doesn’t negate the numerous other experiences I have had. And it is bringing up my “I am fed up with waiting” experience of wanting to meet some of these Beings. It would be like if I drove by one of your homes off and on for years, I could see you, but you could not see me (just my vehicle of choice), and I don’t stop to say “hello”.
Rather rude, imho, especially if I saw/knew you wanted me to.
Others would not see it that way.
Perhaps this is more confirmation ~ for me ~ that we will NEVER collectively all be on the same “page” in terms of how we wish to BE/live/do. As I said at an online forum earlier: “What is irrelevant to one person is relevant to another.” Perhaps what is happening is the outer controls are disappearing, allowing us to FULLY BE who we really wish to be, have, experience.
Those controls being the matrix. And all of that. Of which we dealt with a lot of that earlier today. I won’t bore you with all of that as who wants to hear about calls to Comcast and doctor’s offices and to the chimney cleaning people who it turns out did not clean the top of our chimney – which is where most of the creosote builds up. All did work out to the best as it can in this 3d realm.
Obviously dealing with such systems that don’t resonate can be a challenge. And yet here I am…. So I sucked it up, dove in and dealt, all the while thinking what I would rather be experiencing because I know it is my Right. Our Right.
Freedom and healing. Anything that holds me back from that, well it is…..Done. Finished. Over and out. No more. You get the picture.
An issue that came up for healing was my desire to be right. Actually it is more that I don’t like being wrong. I don’t like being fooled. I don’t like looking foolish. That brings up a whole host of other issues with the big one being I deeply care what others think about me. I strive to present accurate information here. If I ever post something or share it that turns out to be false, I remove it or say as such. And I LOVE it when I see something exciting and want to share it. And the other issue ~ the desire to be seen. Validated. I have a desire to be and feel important to the world after feeling so insignificant for so very long. (excuse me while I choke on those massive red pills of inner truth ~ and hand me the tissue while I bawl my little girl eyes out) I know it’s all an illusion, these feelings, nothing more than stories, none of them really being Who I Am. But they are there nonetheless for more purging. Or perhaps simply analysis….and loving observation.
More on the issues. I feel disappointment it when I feel I am seeing something in one way only to discover it is not as it appears. Disappointment sucks. I am easily triggered in this area lately. The path of awakening and remembering is full of disappointment and I am weary. Digging further, there is more to the story that goes something like this: “I am tired. I am tired of waiting. I know what I want and I want. it. NOW.”
And going further, pushing through the weariness, I hear “release”. Release the attachment to the stories. Release the attachment to the purging. Perhaps try a new approach. Stop creating further, perhaps even new emotional experiences with the stories. In other words: stop digging where I have already dug before. Claim it all dug up. NOW.
I also hear to allow it all without judgment.
Can I do both? Claim this issue is healed while allowing it to still be if it comes up? Do I have control over whether “it” comes up again?
I overthink at times. Anyone notice that?
Back to waiting…….for x y z to manifest…
I know – I remember – NOW truly is NOW outside of this realm – not some “future” moment of NOW. So I feel I am at an impasse with this one issue of waiting. It is simply not a part of Authentic Me that is told no. That is told I must wait.
Why must we engage in this waiting game?
Obviously I have had to do just that and overall I have done ok ~ not great by any means, but ok. How do I be at peace with the waiting?
Acceptance. Acceptance of how it is. We are still in the realm of that construct known as time. And until the energies of that matrix program crumble, it is as it is.
Makes for good practice now to consider Instant Manifestation, which is something perhaps I could be doing instead of griping about waiting. BE outside of the matrix paradigm. Now.
SEE and FEEL that there IS no program.
Practice being as though in this Now moment I create what I want instantly. It is one thing to just sit in the space of impatience.
It is a whole other thing to feel, to remember, the experience of Instant Manifestation. It requires full attention. Full awareness of the Now. Discipline. Focus.
And trust in Self.
And to trust in Self means to Know Self and to Know Self begins with Loving Self.
And when I love Self I remember all of this stuff outside of me that I find annoying to painful to downright horrifying need not take one ounce of my Power.
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Victoria
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Thank you for being a supporter of my writings and all that I choose to share in this little space.
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