today i am feeling in the exact same space as i was 10 years ago – at a standstill as to what to do next with my life. 10 years ago this time also happens to be when i had that “close encounter” with what felt like, at the time, to be a visit from family from Home. i had no words for it – and no conscious knowledge of new earth, the event, etc. just an experience where i was told “see you soon”.
soon. ….. deep breath…..
i made a couple of new choices today. try try again, right? i had this thought that if i came out (around here that is) and said i am a non-binary, gender neutral unicorn identifying immigrant from guatemala i would have a plethora of help and assistance. not really exaggerating either. where help and compassion is tossed these days by the general public – system included – is disheartening.
so a lot of deep breathing mixed with crying today. i’ve asked a local massage therapist if she would be willing to let me make payments or engage in barter. my body is really screaming at me now to get this taken care of. and the list of medical needs my mate needs addressed is just overwhelming at this point. his eye surgery alone only pays 80% (cataract removal). i just, you know? feel trapped in a cage.
onward i go – as always….and some day, as i continue to say, i will no longer need to address this.
love,
victoria
