On this 17th day ~ which I decided last night is “Q” (Quantum) Day ~ and how this is about honoring my Inner Q/Quantum. As I said – this began last night with “finding my way back”….for the experience began with another round of huge heart-based tears – the kind that cannot be held back no matter what the human does. I have been pouring those outta me a lot lately.
The Gordon Lightfoot song, “If You Could Read My Mind”, has been in my heart and mind for about 48 hours. Last night I felt the words and heard the tune throughout my entire Being. I was overcome with the desire to be Free – to be like-a-child again. I wanted the fear, the apathy and depression removed from my thought patterns and behavior and experiences. The words ran through my mind repeatedly: “I don’t know where I went wrong but the feeling’s gone and I just can’t get it back.” My heart succumbed to the emotions – seeing my pattern of how I was and what I became in this realm. Disappointment in myself for allowing myself to close up my heart. The times I have been fake – pretended to be tough. Pretended I didn’t care. Pretended this or that didn’t phase me/hurt me.
The times I have surrendered and sank low – giving up for a time.
The heaviness of “adulting” was big last night.
The trauma’s of the world.
That was all in my space yesterday….
I had a beautiful conversation/experience with a friend yesterday. Real connecting. I LOVE those experiences the best – always have! She was sharing her pain at the loss of her beautiful pet – her companion. She was/is such a sweet Soul – I fell in love with her too. And she died far too soon.
What is the lesson? I don’t see it, she wondered. She cried. I cried. I had to speak. “There are no lessons. That’s the lie here. Look at this realm. Look how toxic it is to all Life. We were never originally designed and lovingly created to decay as we do so quickly here. They mess with our bodies here – poisons and trauma’s and so when one gets ill or suffers they fill our heads with another program they created – “find the lesson”. You and only you are responsible for your loss, for your suffering.”
I could see I was touching a truth within that she too felt the same way but perhaps was not able – maybe never been allowed or felt comfortable enough to acknowledge.
I’ve been there myself – many times. It has taken me until this very DAY – a continuing expansion – to feel comfortable enough sharing my Truth – especially those that aren’t mainstream – IN the mainstream and in the alt communities.
And so I may get down – way down – but I always get back up. The eternal Flame within has never gone out. And unlike the song, I KNOW how to get that feeling back. I FEEEL into Me – and I find Her/Me – always there – never leaving – just got sidetracked in a realm of yuck….
And on this Quantum Day, we hold in our hearts and our minds a new experience.
A new road.
A new train.
Home.
Q-out.
Love,
Victoria
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