How are you all doing/feeling today? Today’s words for me (and my mate as well): Longing sadness.
This movie is seriously grating on my energies within. Even listening to the leaf blower outside – absolute repulsion to Me. I long for purity. That is so strong now – more than its ever been for me. It took a notch upward last night. In my dreams I was packing – and when I arrived at the airport I realized I didn’t want to go where most were going. I was also having issues with my suitcases – one got lost – the one with my clothes. There were people from my past – I couldn’t go with them so after some struggle (trying to locate my suitcase with the clothes and trying to accept the destination I felt I was supposed to go with these people who I no longer felt any connection to or with) I said I was going Home and walked out of the dream – leaving my suitcase behind.
I woke up shaking – my heart heavy – and hearing the song The Tennessee Waltz going through my mind. It brought up sadness – a longing for a time that was simple and pure – sweet.
Is this my pain? I asked of myself – tuning in. Yes – this current emotional feel is all mine. I’ve been weeping off and on since last night when this emotional state crept in. Well, no – it didn’t happen like that – in truth it just came over me like a wave as I was getting ready for sleep. I was neutral – then suddenly I felt sadness. My mate asked what was wrong – and once I began to talk the tears poured out of me, I couldn’t talk anymore and I just sorta broke down.
The more ridiculous this entire facade here becomes – the more repelled I am of it. Sure, I share stuff here – when I feel I can “carry” that. But at this moment – I cannot look at any of the happenings. I don’t want to do a darn thing that is related to this world and all of its systems. I want my tribe. I want my community. I want my Freedom. And I want to go back to this place I call HOME. Period.
For now, I listen to this song in my heart and imagine….
Love,
Victoria
******
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Same. Random outbursts of tears (also checked, also mine and not collective), this deep, engulfing sense of grief and unmet NEED, alternated with complete numbing and dissociation. No in-between. Been this way for at least 4 days. Started to leave comments here, and on Rose, and Anmarie – and busted out crying so hard I couldn’t, every time, so I had to walk away and go sob.
I’ll just say it, I feel abandoned and betrayed by Home, and the ache of that and the acute loneliness is tearing me apart. I was crying in the shower, about how if they loved me they’d have found a way to bring me home by now, or even just helped me suffer less here. After 2012, I heard so many times, “be patient, trust the plan, we love you, we’re bringing you home,” every time there was a “delay” in “ascension” – and when I finally realized my so-called “guides” were liars and called them out, I got spiritually attacked for years after, lost my health, job, nearly my sanity and almost died, and despite begging for help, *no one* saved me. So, I’ve tried to believe again, to have faith and “hold the line.” Despite the past. I’ve tried so hard. But it feels now like all this is deja vu, another disappointment waiting to happen. And even if we do get miraculously yanked Home, I don’t think I’ll be okay. Back in the day, I read Sylvia Browne and she said they had “cocoons” where people who got too traumatized in life could just sleep, rest and recover when they get Home. I’m pretty sure that’s what I’ll need. 🙇🏻♀️
As to the airport dreams, I’ve only had one, and also lost a bag and had to leave it (mine was cosmetics, my blow-dryer, etc). I also saw people from the past and cringed (one did me VERY wrong, like I could write a book). I did get on the plane, but out of a sense of desperation, just wanting away so bad I didn’t care. But I think you had the right idea in your dream – if it means being crammed in with those people who just feel wrong, to a place that feels wrong, there’s got to be a better option than where they’re going, even if that option means going it alone. That said, WWG1WGA absolutely does NOT resonate with me. Never has, and the longer this draws out, the more I *see* that I wish I could have stayed blissfully ignorant to. But, here we still are… 🤷🏻♀️😓 Sorry, that was long, but yes. Right on the same page with ya in the feels. 😭👍 Hopefully it passes soon. Much love and peace your way! 💜🙏✨
you know – i’m not even sure i have a “home” on the outside – it may be just me – and those of my tribe – like you. i’m ok w/that at this point. enough of the heart-break/longing.
Hi V
I sympathise and share your feel.
I cannot rationalise any of this any more. I am done with it all and everyone involved and complicit by their ignorance and compliance. I am beginning to nurture a growing resentment toward all the wilfully ignorant and deluded sheep which could quite easily turn to something worse quite soon. If something doesn’t give soon and this satanic inversion of everything isn’t somehow brought to an end and exposed in the most graphic and shocking way imaginable to all the hypnotised braindead shells that walk among us then I’m not sure where my emotional state is going to lead.
I don’t even care anymore about how many of them take the shot and suffer the consequences…..A collective soul cleansing is now starting to look like a good idea frankly!
I long to be alone on my bike on a road trip with no end, blasting through the endless expanse of my land on deserted roads with an unending fuel tank. I want to ride hard and get my knees scraped in the corners burning up the tarmac leaving all of this bullshit and lies as far behind me as possible, pushing on faster and faster to blow all the deception and false reality away so that nothing but my oneness with my bike is all encompassing and my only existence and truth…….sigh!!
Sending you and readers as much love and light as i can muster
B
yeah – i can definitely relate to that bike description. LIFE LONG for me, brother! lol i relate to thy words you share – thank you for sharing – as always. love, v.
2-12-2021~ my 72nd b~day and I am sad and pissed. I have no tribe. I have been alone for 14 yrs. Most of my friends have died or chosen a side . I have lost 4 friendships of over 40 years individually in the last year due to my ‘awareness’ and their lack there of..and their narrow mindedness to even have a different view. I used to hold some of these people in high regard and considered them more intelligent and worldly than I ..but alas…I am shocked to find out…I have more emotional and intellectual maturity and knowledge. …wow.
I wonder why I am still here..I feel just taking up space..and paying to live..alone and isolated.
I often go back to …I am holding space…I have the gift of living alone and able to maintain a sense of ‘peace’ within all of this insanity…and that helps on some level.
I don’t even care at this point if I leave this earth…I would love to hang and see if any of the promises made..or should I say hope given of a better world..but I am tired. I can’t see just going on like this ..nothing to look forward to..and yet I still want to know more of love.
I have always felt looking for ‘home’ ever sine my ‘arrival’.I was born of an unwed Catholic mother in 1949..unwanted..spent the first year in an orphanage..and adopted into dysfunction of elderly parents…sigh….it’s so tiresome this storyline.
I have always felt like I did not belong here..ever…never looked like anyone..thought like anyone…just not at home.
I hope this madness ends…nothing seems true..or simple and pure..so many layers and the evil is seeping in every aspect of life..nasty..it is slithering.
I always find my way back to nature which keeps me going..but the last few days of cold and no sun in the Colorado Rockies…leaves me depleted.
I am so sick of this shite on so many levels..and if I would love to ‘bitch slap’ a bizillion people at this point ..some just for being so damn ignorant.
Peace and love and all that rot..time for some smack downs…and some power taken back..
I would love to shake the whole fookin’ mess like a big ol ‘etch a sketch’..and get a blank slate again…exhale folks ..keep going back to the vision you want for your best life…hold it..waaaaaiiiiitttt for it…ooops there it is…
first of all happy birthday! you ain’t alone in wanting to just wipe it all clean here – remove the evil and any energy that supports it – at the very least LET US OUT. tonight i thought – that’s it – we will unite and we will SECEDE FROM THE MATRIX.
thank you dear heart!