I had a conversation earlier this evening with brother Rick. I have moments where I am so grateful for these conversations as they encourage me to take a breather, go within and find that well of silence that contains so much. I had been in my usual space – ungrounded and pre-occupied with 3d stuff – answering questions from the young child in the house, getting dinner ready, engaging with my mate. I don’t know how I do that without going batshit crazy as such “doing’s” are COMPLETELY contrary to Who I Am. I know some from home get a kick out of observing me in this role – likely a first for me. Wife. Mama. It is such a different way here in this realm compared to Home. Home we have partnerships – no “commitments” other than to freedom. Children are welcomed in and there is so much more to help with their needs and development – indeed MUCH more support. HRC was right in one way when she said “it takes a village” only her definition of village is the state. In truth, in traditional ways, the village are the groups of people who live in the small community.
So tonight brother Rick is sharing these insights and I’m at the stove frying potatoes, also engaged in a conversation of fleeting topics with my child. In time I sit down at the table – food on everyone’s plates – and take a deep breath. I go within. We were talking about the event, going home and testing. Flow began to swirl and I said “testing” really comes from within and it isn’t a test as many define it. This is not a school, contrary to new age belief. This is a ground of playing and creating. All else is matrix control systems. This experience we call “testing” is really a pull to remember Who We Really Are. That’s it. “Testing” is our call from home to surrender all that is not of a loving space – all that doesn’t align with who we are and what we really want. It inspires and moves us to let go our stories of this movie here. Not forgetting them – just forgiving.
We had another brief exchange when I said something about disengaging. I then saw an image in my mind. I got up from the table, took some paper, pen and a round storage lid whereby I made a circle a bit larger than my hand and wrote the word DISENGAGE NOW in the center. This will be my tool to use when I am getting caught up in the drama’s and stories. Place my hand on it and speak the words out loud then make a deeper decision on what I really wish to do – how I wish to experience this moment. I placed it in the center of the house for all of us to use.
I have also been contemplating the concept of faith. I have seen this unwaivering faith in some people I know who are very religious. I admire this faith. Deeply, I long for such a state of solid “IT”. I felt into this word and what it means – to me – and compared it to my own experience of the term. I am more of one to have hope. And yet hope has a feeling of lack to it. “I HOPE this will happen” instead of “I have faith this will happen.” Faith KNOWS. Hope longs. Faith has no room for doubt. Hope has that energy of doubt. Hesitancy.
Same type of experience as is knowing as compared to thinking. Knowing just KNOWS. Thinking has a lot of stories to it that can wax and wane and leave you lost if engaged too long. The more words used the easier it is to get lost. This is my experience.
Knowing. Solid and unwaivering.
Faith. Solid and unwaivering.
I am being called to leave behind the ways of thinking and hoping and stepping into that powerful space of Knowing and Faith. (lol i just thought “i hope i’m ready”.)
Thank you old matrix story but it is time to take this experience Home.
Love,
Victoria
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